totally drained

I remember when I was excited about doing the school yearbook. Now I'm totally drained. This year is awful. I'm doing it alone everyone else is in another school. I'm the last parent of the team that started 5 years ago. Kelly T will still help me but I'm not even in a place that she can help yet. I'm still fighting with layouts and trying to get things to fit. She will drop pictures in and proofread. Im overwhelmed with the amount of work with the write-ups.
I'm going for a walk with Twiggy in 2 hours. I'm hoping it will clear my head. All I want to do is cry.

I need a therapist...

I don't have a therapist so I'll just talk to myself.

I am working on getting out from underneath all this shit that has piled up since 2016. It's been 4 years since The Snow Blower Incident. I honestly do not know how I made it through that shit. But I suffered from all of it. First I ate myself back into hating myself. Second I allowed our apartment to turn into trash.

It took 4 years, but it will not take another 4 to undo it. I'm getting my boys to help with all the shit. A little each day. But it affects my mental health. I feel worthless and unloved. How can someone put such value on things over people? That's how I see it. He values the stuff I throw away over anything else.

I have no resorted to putting bags in the van and bringing it to Twig's house.

Speaking of Twiggy. I started taking liquid collagen and liquid gold today. It's supposed to help with my joints. And also some fat burner thing. Whatever it is I'm trying it.

Twiggy and I are also walking around the neighborhood at night. I have no idea how much I weigh right now. I haven't stepped on the scale. But I know it's not good because I feel it and see it.

I'm trying to focus on cleaning out this place. That will make me happy and give me room to work out.

Okay that's it from me today
Maria