sometimes it's hour by hour

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Stalker people I'm not a doctor nor nutritionist. I had to learn why I struggle and why I eat. You need to figure this out on your own. Reading my blog is not going to make you lose one pound never mind 60 pounds. Get off your ass and walk around the damn block, stop drinking soda and eat less.
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I'm having a really shitty night. I worked out today, I ate correctly, I didn't shove food in my face. But I just don't understand what is so wrong with me, what I need to fix in order to be worth it for ANYONE!

What the hell is so wrong with me?

Why does the roommate value things over people?
Why isn't my BFF talking to me?
How can Disney world be more important than your grandson? He might not know you'll be missing his first birthday but I will.

I trying to find my value. I keep pushing through every day. I want to SCREAM that I'm scared I won't have enough money to get formula before we run out... then I feel like a loser because I charged things I shouldn't have and the only person that's hurting and worried is ME!!! 

Then that brings me right back to why isn't BFF talking to me and can't they see how much I have done for them? I'm really not worth their time??

Why won't the roommate ask his brother to list the baby cloths on ebay to help make extra money? Or why doesn't he sell some of his shit so we don't have to pay for that storage unit that is costing almost more than our rent!

Why the hell does the grandmother want to spend 300+ on tickets for a show to take Anthony but doesn't offer to pay for 1 payment of his vision therapy.. or better yet.. never ever paid to be listed on our family talk plan!

So here.. here's my stupid before and after pictures that I worked out.. big friggen deal. It doesn't even matter, fat or not I'm still invisible and worthless. And if ANYONE tells me I'm not you're lying!

If your parents don't think you have worth and if the guys you have fallen in love with don't find value in you to work things out.. you are worthless! A wrench has more value in this house than I do.

And every single day my friend of almost 30 years won't talk to me, it kills all the positive things they were saying that I was starting to believe... but that had to be a lie, because I'm not even worth a text back!


I even hate this blog tonight. I hate the colors. I hate lemons!