The silver lining????

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Kym and/or Cameron I would like to know why you have me blocked on Facebook, we haven't spoke in a year, yet you're stalking my blog. Do you want to know about the baby neither of you could be bothered congratulating me on???  Does it give you pleasure to see my life falling apart? Or is it that you're jealous that I have lost weight?
Whatever your reason I think the saying goes "You either want to me be or do me"
 Enjoy reading my drama..I'll make sure to leave you notes every day until your IP address and your town stop shopping up that visit.. how do I know? Because one of you had the balls to sign up to get my posts via email, which showed your info! 

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I'm trying to recover from yesterday. It was really hard on me. My cousin Chris posted today that we need to look for the silver lining today in his post on Facebook.

I see the lining from the events of Sept 1, I'm getting help I need with the kids.

But could someone please tell me the silver lining with the one who is shutting me out? With all the damn chaos going on that is on my mind 24/7. When some people get mad at me and we stop talking I could care less, but this one really hurts. I don't want this friendship to be over.

Anyway.....Anthony off to school


Alexander after some therapy

Got him down for a nap and did a workout. My thighs and shoulders are burning. I must switch DVDs next work out.

I had 40 minutes after my work out before Anthony came home, so I CRIED!! I cried and cried and cried and I still feel like crying. This worthless feeling just doesn't go away. I want to know what I did wrong. I want to know why those I love don't love me back. I want to know how to fix myself and love myself. Why do I choose the wrong men? Will I be able to teach my boys to be more understanding towards woman. How am I going to keep going when I feel so bad inside.

I keep telling myself I'm worth it, I keep telling myself I can fight. Right now I feel lied too. I thought someone had my back. I thought they understood. I needed that extra support because when I don't believe in myself, they believed in me. My cell phone still hasn't sent the text I wish it would. It must be broken. Nobody could be that cruel to ignore every idea I suggested for our stupid stupid problems. I need to know what the silver lining is with ending an almost 30 year friendship!!! What am I suppose to learn that I haven't learned yet?

I'm going to fold clothes and try to get them away, make a shopping list and my to do list for tomorrow, because that's all I'm good for according to the roommate.

I have my weigh in tomorrow and it's going to be the same as last week. When I'm stressed and upset like this, my body doesn't change. I did cheat over the weekend but nothing so bad that the scale shouldn't move however it hasn't.