Day 23 - you suck more!!

Well folks I woke up sick at 6am. Thought my head was going to explode and I'm achy all over. Spent the day in bed sleeping it off. Any time I woke up I thought "can I woke out" Hell no! I couldn't move. Took me 45 minutes to really get myself up and into the shower, hoping I would feel better. I got out of bed at 6pm, it's 10pm now and I'm ready to go back to sleep.

Tomorrow the roommate is taking Anthony on a train ride, so I need to pull myself together and take care of Alexander. Plus I am going to a wake at night. I hope the meds I took work!

Here's Anthony giving me a check up.

And NO Cheryl I am not going to binge I have a size 18 I need to zip up!!!! I'm just bumped it didn't move. I know the muscle went up and I know that takes a while to build up, I just wanted to mark the same day with the weight loss from the year before. I hope this week will be better, but now missing this weekend working out is going to hurt.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 22 - You SUCK!

This day did not turn out like I thought. I thought I would be screaming from the top of my lungs that I met my first weight loss goal for the year. I was going to make myself a little gold star with the number of pounds I lost and post it on the side over there by the ticker. I was going to get a new ticker with my new goal. I was going to find confetti and balloon pictures and post them... but NO this day did NOT go like that at all!

The STRESS started last night, when I grounded Anthony from watching TV because he didn't follow directions in school all week. No TV really means I'm grounded too! I had to make sure was having his bath so I could sneak and watch The Big Bang Theory. The -roommate- aka my current husband is usually good for nothing so he added to the stress of last night with delaying getting Anthony to bed. Hey I take care of the preemie baby with the monitor I think the roommate should be able to handle getting the 4 year old to bed, if not move out now!

I stayed up to work on birth announcements and they still aren't finished, but our Easter cards are done. I knew since Anthony went to bed late that means he sleeps late, and I would get to sleep late too. Good thing school is in the afternoon or we would have real problems. Alex woke up hungry at 7:30am I gave him a bottle and went back to sleep in Anthony's bed, which became my sleeping location since the boys share a room and I need to be near Alex in case of the alarm going off. Anthony sleeps in my king size bed next to the roommmate.

At 11am I jumped up, got Anthony something to eat, got his clothes ready woke him up. Put a bottle on fro Alex, got him up and dressed put him in the pack n play while I got dressed and ready. Had to encourage Anthony for 45 minutes to get dressed. He's working on doing it himself these days, so shirts go on backwards, shoes are on the wrong foot, but hey he's doing it!

Finally it's 12:40pm, time to wait for the bus and get Alex into the van so the minute Anthony is on the bus we are off to the doctors. By this time my someone from my cheering section (you know who you are and you're loved) will start posting or texting "good luck".  Today my "boyfriend" (the one that makes me smile), went as far as saying congratulations I know you made it. Heck I thought I made it. THAT STUPID SCALE OF MINE said I did it!

Got into Dr. Ransom's office with my usually nervous excited feeling, got on that super duper scale, closed my eyes and when I opened them, the number was THE EXACT SAME FROM LAST WEEK!!! What the hell! What about all my hard work? I worked out every day! I followed the meal plan!! I only ate out and had salad and peel and eat shrimp with my 3 lemon limit! CRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The print out was handed to me and it showed I went up in muscle mass and down in fat weight by the same amount so therefore the total weight was the same. Does that make me feel better? NO NO REALLY!!!!!!! I think the universe is just trying to test me. It knows this coming week is going to have a lot of ups and downs and FOOD all around. I'm going to have to navigate until after Easter like an obstacle course or that crazy spartan race Cheryl is going. I'm going to have to remember everything I learned about eating and put it to use and still get my work outs in. I still don't feel better grrrrrr

After my appointment was Alexander's check up and preemie shot. My little guy is in the 95% which is why everyone says he doesn't look like a preemie. He's measuring the size of a 7 month old, but trust me, he's a preemie, he can't support his upper body. He cried and cried when he got the shots.

Then I had just enough time to get home to meet Anthony off the bus. Once that kid is home I'm always jumping. "Mom can I have juice please?" "Mom can I have a snack" add Alexander's alarm going off and my head feels like it spins around.

At 4:30pm I took the boys and my mother to the A&P. What would have been about a 20 minute run if it was just me turned into an hour an half. EVERYONE in the A&P knows Anthony's name now. If you were shopping with us, I'm SORRY!!! He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't stay by the cart, he kept running up and down the aisle. I put him in the cart for a while then he hits and kicks. There is just no winning.

Before we left I bought my mega millions tickets. My mom said "Anthony if your mother wins she has big plans" to which I answered "if I win I'm leaving with the cloths on my back I can buy new clothes!" Finally got in the house carrying up the first set of bags at 6:10pm. I turned the oven on, started boiling water for the ravioli, then went down for the 2nd load. Four trips later, the mozzarella bread was cooking in the oven, the ravioli was boiling, the boys were upstairs and I was putting everything away.
By 6:30pm I sat Anthony down for dinner and thought about this crappy day 22 and if that stupid roommate asks me again "what I do all day" I am going to kick him in the @$$ with my new muscle mass I'm gaining! I thought about just calling it quits and saying the hell with it. But what I really really wanted to do was RUN. Well I can't possibly start running if I don't lose more weight, to lose more weight I have to stick to the diet and work out. CRAP CRAP CRAP, I have to go work out. And I think there would be a few of you coming to my house to kick my @$$ if I didn't.

I put my workout clothes on and went into the living room. The bratty child who wouldn't listen got his flag from his room and started waving it, yelling "Go mom go" How cute is that?! I did my workout with him coming in and out of the living room to watch me.
When I finished 30 minutes later, he told me he finished his dinner and even put his dish in the sink. WOW I guess I am doing something right.
I poured myself a glass of water with lemon then sat down to blog about 7:30pm at which point Alexander woke up and started crying, so another bottle for him. Anthony is grounded again tonight from the TV for not listening to me or Nonna in the A&P so he is moody. I am finally getting this done and it's almost 9pm

When the roommate comes home, I'm going to lay down. I don't know if I'll sleep all night or if it's just a nap, but I need to get away from everyone and where I want to go is too far away. So sleep will have to do. Who knows maybe I'll wake up and find out I won something with the mega millions.

Day 23 you better be better or so help me....
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 21 - Help! The bread is trying to get me

Another holiday is approaching and the smell of home made Easter bread is climbing up into my 2nd floor apartment. I am having a very hard time fight off the urge to have warm bread and butter! It's like this for me.
When it comes to bread and butter I am weak!!! I LOVE BREAD AND BUTTER!! I have been fighting it off like Wonder Woman and her bulletproof bracelets. The saboteur brought up 3 small loaves for Anthony to eat. The only reason I controlled myself is because that ticker over there is so close to the end. I don't know if I will have another great weigh in on Friday but I have been giving it my best and don't want bread to mess up my goal.

Then my saboteur asked if she could take me to Calandra's for my birthday for dinner. JUST SHOOT ME NOW!! The food is amazing, I can't pass it up. That's were Alexander's Christening is being held. I'm working so hard to get into that size 18, I can't go, I told her no because I was taking Anthony to Target. I just can't eat a lot of food on April 4 for my birthday, then on April 7 when I am with my cousin, and then on April 8 for Easter. NO, NO, NO I WON'T DO IT!

I need to stay forced on getting off these last 2.5 pounds on my first goal. I'm so tired today, I haven't been sleeping well at night. I get to sleep fine but jump up around 2am like there is a fire in the house. Then I toss and turn trying to get back to sleep until about 5am. If I didn't challenge myself to this 90 challenge I would totally be SKIPPING today. But I have to push myself. I'm so close to my very first goal. And I'm so proud of myself too. I gave myself until Alexander's Christening in June to lose everything I gained back with him. I'm 2 months ahead of schedule.

Time to move my big fat @$$ so it doesn't stay fat!
Here's my little guy cheering me on. I turned around to check on him and he had his eyes locked on me.

Done! sweating like a pig. Those bicycle crunches at the end of this work out are a damn killer!
Wish me luck on my weigh in tomorrow. I get so nervous...well more like excited kind of nervous. I can't wait to start a new countdown ticker with a new goal!
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 20 - Put down the Fritos!!

Dear FRIEND.. you know who you are. Put down your snack of Fritos, Doritos or whatever crappy snack you are putting into your body! You know it messes you up, makes you moody and then you feel worse because you know you have to work that off!!! Get yourself a healthy snack. Read this article from The Center for Medical Weight Loss for 6 healthy snacks

This was my healthy snack last night a 1/4 cup is only 90 calories! They are sweet, yummy and much better for your body. Do not make me have to b!t(h slap you. And dammit if you see I am falling off the wagon you better kick my big fat @$$ too!

This 90 challenge is hard for me. But when I'm in a competition I have to WIN!! Even if I'm just competing with myself. Which is one of the reasons Cheryl's Spartan Race scares me. I'll do it once then want to do it again and beat Cheryl...lol

I am so lucky to have this AMAZING group of people behind me right now. I wouldn't have even bought the dress I want to wear for Alexander's Christening, never mind bought it in 3 sizes if it wasn't for these amazing people who are helping me on my quest for the thin me. I can feel my life changing. THANK YOU!!
I hope I encourage someone else to get up and work out! As my cousin Chris says "Remember the only difference between dreams and goals is that goals are dreams that are backed by plans to get there."

And now it's time for my before and after work out pictures

My workout buddy

and sweating like a pig!

See you tomorrow on day 21 of my 90 challenge!
 Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$.

Day 19 - You did great Mommy

My girlfriend Jenn called me this morning. Hi JENN!!! I had a great time talking to her, and then I realized the boys were still sleeping so I gotta jump on getting my workout in. Go me!!!
About 15 minutes into Anthony got up and was standing at the door watching me. He told me I was doing really good, but then said "Mommy your belly is still fat." Well he told me!!

I told him that's why I'm working out, so my belly isn't fat anymore. He watched me finish my work out and cheered me on, but I think he only cared about me getting done so he could watch Max and Ruby...lol

Here I am sweating like a pig after, but I am feeling GREAT!!!!

One of the things I look forward to every day is wearing a new t-shirt. Well, they aren't new, they have been living in the bottom of my dresser for years. They are all different sizes ranging from XL to 2XL. I have looked at them for years wondering if I'll ever be able to wear them again.



Here's the shirt I wore yesterday
I remember when I bought that shirt, I think I wore it once because it was too tight.


My t-shirt goal is to wear this one! I've been saving it since 1985 because most of my life I wished I had a time machine, because I know right who I would go back to get. My FUTURE is looking great these days, doesn't look like I needed that time machine to get to where I wanted to be after all... but I still would like to wear this t-shirt again! I am happy to say I can GET IT ON!!! Which is a really big deal because the last time I TRIED to put it on, I couldn't at all!!!

Time for me to do a little scrapping. Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 18 - my birthday is soon...

I always get a knot in my stomach when it is getting closer to my birthday. Not because I hate getting older but because I am so unimportant to the people I should be important to, that its just another unimportant day to them. There are several reasons I am unhappy in the current relationship I am in and overlooking my birthday is on the list of why I HATE him!!!!!!!!!

I thought I had the prefect plan for this year. I begged my cousin to cook for me. Well my Uncle is still dealing with health issues so I thought it would be better for my cousin to do something for his Dad and not me. In fact my uncle is having tests on his lungs today! Our birthdays are only 5 days apart. My cousin Chris decided to cook for both of us on Saturday April 7th. Cant wait! I love spending time with my family!

However that leaves me doing nothing on April 4th and I'll be damned if I am going to do nothing again!!. Last year I took Anthony to his first vision therapy appointment and after had lunch with my mom and did a little shopping. I was waiting for the ASS I am currently married to, to come home from work and do something with me. But like I said I am UNIMPORTANT and the monkey's ass worked LATE and did nothing with me. I cooked for our son and went to bed early and crying.

This year Alexander has an appointment with his heart doctor that afternoon. Anthony gets home from school at 3:30pm. So I need to find something fun for me and the kids to do that early evening. I am not counting on anyone else, because I learned I will only be disappointed.

So this morning when Anthony got up I started talking to him about my birthday. I don't want him to grow up thinking it's okay to ignore the ones you love (or say you love) on their birthday too. I asked him what we need for my birthday. I loved his answers:

1. decorations
2. balloons
3. cake
4. presents

Great I thought! The kid gets it! I asked him what kind of present he wanted to get for me. He said a TRAIN!! "Umm no Anthony that's a present for you not for mommy" I told him. I asked him to think about what I like to do and he should be able to think about a present he wants to get me...granted I would be taking him and paying for it, but the point is for him to learn how to treat others.

He thought for a while looked at me and said "Mommy you like to exercise"

I felt like this:



I will be taking my little guy shopping to find something to do with "exercise" to give me for my birthday! Maybe we'll go to Target when he gets home from school that day. He loves shopping there. I would like another work out video so I'll have him help me pick one out. Or maybe I'll get a real sweat band. Or even sneakers!!!

Today I'm trying a new Jillian Michaels DVD 6 week 6 pack. I need more like 6 months 6 pack, but I want to change up my work outs. So here I go.

and done...sweating like a...what? PIG!!!

oh dear Lord that was a killer work out! I had a very hard time, but guess what, I LOVED IT!! When I master that work out I will be super strong...and it will be time to train with that CRAZY GIRL CHERYL for the Spartan Race!! Did you hear that Cheryl??!!! I know you read my blog every day!


Lets go people, get up off your butts!!! I'm on day 18 of working out and you are doing what???


Bring on Day 19!!! time to add 30 more minutes to my work out time this week. go me!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$
PS. Anthony just came home from school. I asked him if he wanted a snack and he said "I want something healthy to eat" LOOK AT THE IMPRESSION I AM MAKING ON MY SON!!!

Day 17 - Cheryl is crazy!

I've mentioned Cheryl several times in my blog because she's the only one I know who lost a lot of weight without having a gastric bypass or lap band. There is nothing wrong with taking that path, but I knew it wasn't for me.

Two acquaintances I know had the surgery. One of them would go to Mc Donald's drive thru and get his normal 3 or 4 cheeseburgers eat them, then be so sick he would have to pull over and get sick. I saw him about a year after his surgery and he looked GREAT, I saw him 2 years ago and was shocked that he was bigger than what he was before he had the surgery! Guess those Mc Donald's got to him!

The other had the surgery I think within the last year.. because I don't really know this one very well. And every time I hear about her, she's sick OR I'm hearing where she went to dinner. WTF? really? This is how you treat your body after his surgery? Then I heard she said she's been having problems since the surgery... OF COURSE SHE IS!! Put down the donut and get your @$$ and work out!!!!

There are several more people I know who had it done. They continue to watch what they eat. I guess the point is it's all about changing your life!

When I read what you have to do BEFORE the surgery and how you have to maintain your life AFTER the surgery, I wondered to myself, if I did all that and followed the diet and worked out every day, why did I need the surgery???

I guess the answer is what works for you. The Center for Medical Weight Loss is not for everyone. Most people are surprised by the price. Others don't want to be on a liquid diet. You have to find what food plan works for you. THIS WORKS FOR ME!!

I will stick with this plan and work on learning how to eat the correct foods that give my body fluid and not just eat to eat. I will learn that I CAN have chocolate cake in moderation. And exercise needs to be a part of daily life!

Now back to Cheryl....that CRAZY B!T(H IS DOING THIS:

If that doesn't work for you view it here

Now she's planted the seed in my head and I must kill her! All I wanted to do was be able to run and the two of us go run in Philly and up the stairs of the museum like in Rocky.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO She wants to push my fat @$$ to do this crazy thing!!

It does have me thinking, so we'll see. Last year I started out doing Richard Simmons and this year I'm working out to that evil woman Jillian Micheals almost every day.. but not today!! I'm doing Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 today.

So here I am.. game face on. I got a late start because I was visiting my friend Denise but if you thought I would miss a day YOU ARE CRAZY!


Here's my #1 fan


Done with my workout and I'm WHAT? - Sweating like a pig! How come those people on the videos don't look like pigs???


I wanted to do level 2 of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 but I couldn't find my resistance bands, so I did level one holding my weights the whole time. Hopefully I can locate them tonight and do level 2 tomorrow.

Time to do something fun, like fold laundry. If I'm lucky I'll do some scrapping, our big Amazing Digital Scrap Race at ndisb.com is coming up...which still sounds a whole lot better than Cheryl's spartan race

If you're following me, I hope you start to make your own plans and get up off your fat @$$ and work out

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 16 - Something's Happening

I noticed muscles and some definition starting in my arms. Can you see that little bump?... don't laugh at my little muscle either! One day SOON I'll be strong enough to knock your lights out for laughing :-P


Weekend are normally harder to work out because the family demands a lot from me. But my new attitude is GET THE H-E- DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS out of my way! This change I'm doing is a lifestyle, not just a diet and work out plan. I have to do this ALWAYS so the sooner everyone gets used to mommy working out the better off everyone will be.

My 4 year old is currently watching Star Wars - my favorite movie of all times And YES it's Star Wars... I went to the movies to see STAR WARS not A New Hope when I was a kid!...wait, where was I? oh yeah.... currently my 4 year old is in the living room on the big TV, little does he know I will be stopping the movie shortly to do my work out. May the force be with me, when I tell him.

Cheryl seemed to like my Rocky video yesterday. Running is a big goal of mine. I think it would be amazing to do that run. Here it is again Cheryl.


Today after my workout we need to go food shopping and tonight we will take Anthony to the Chinese Buffet where I will eat salad and peel n eat shrimp. Those baby shrimp are only 5 calories each. Of course I'll only have my 3 lemon limit ..(I told you before it's an inside joke)

Time to get started with that evil witch Jillian. Here I am before


After ... sweating like a - say it with me - PIG


I am not going to lie to you. This is HARD!! VERY HARD. My muscles are screaming, I feel tired after. And since I've been pushing myself every day I am not getting that burst of energy I was getting when I worked out only 3 times a week. I have to get past this point of my body being sore from all the different muscles being used and I bet that energy comes back.

I AM thinking a lot clearer! My mind isn't racing like it used to, it's sticking to one topic staying focused doing a task and moving on. PLUS I am getting to sleep at night.. well as long as Alexander's heart and lung monitor doesn't go off.

I need a break from Ms. Michaels tomorrow I'll be working out with Ms. Siebers. I have to keep mixing up the work outs so I work out different muscle groups and give the ones that are burning a break... there's that word again burn, BURN = SUNBURN = SUMMER = CONVENTION

Tomorrow's another day... see you right back here
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 15 - You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

I am feeling on great, thrilled, confident and strong!!!!!!! Down 3.5 this week!!!


I am 2.5 pounds away from right where I was last year at my lowest weight before I went to the doctor for blood work to confirm I was pregnant.

For those of you in the cheap seats, I started this diet with The Center for Medical Weight Loss on June 22, 2010. It took me 9 months to lose 40lbs! My last weigh in was Friday April 1. On April 6 my blood work came came confirming what I already knew, I was in fact pregnant again and had to stop the diet.

My pregnancy with Alexander is another story, but the whole time I was dying to get back on the diet. I HATED seeing the scale go up and Up and UP! I gave birth to him on Nov 3, 2011 and was 67 pounds from my weigh in on April 1, 2011

I came home from the hospital about 15 pounds less and continued to drop the water weight (I was super swollen)and had off 37.5 pounds by Christmas! Leaving my big fat ass up 29.5 when I started this diet again on Dec 30, 2011!

Look at what I am accomplishing with my new THIS IS FOR ME attitude!! In 3 months I have almost all the weight back off!!! This week I need to PUSH! I need a bigger cheering section! So lets here it for my big fat ass!!

I don't need the saboteur to be proud of me. I am proud of me. These two beautiful boys of mine hopefully will never remember mommy was fat! And all of us will have a healthy lifestyle.


I drove home listening to my theme song with a smile on my face and signing at the top of my lungs!


Came in the door and CELEBRATED by doing Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred


and after my work out, I'm what?? sweating like a pig!!! oink oink

One day SOON I am going to grab Cheryl and anyone else who wants to join us and we are going to do this.. right Cheryl??

Tomorrow I will be right back here working out on Day 16. So all of you saying "I have to start working out and dieting" GET UP!!!!!!!!! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! Stop giving yourself excuses and just do it!!!!

My biggest problem right now is... I don't have a THING to wear :-) and it's not because everything is tight!

See you tomorrow
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 14 - lagging today

That Jillian Michaels is KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!! I did 11 or 12 of those kick ass surrenders yesterday and I've had enough. I even tried to film it but the video cuts me off from the waist down, so what's the point? you can't see the whole move. I'll try again next week.

Today I need a break from that evil evil woman. So I'm doing Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6 I know I have to push myself, but I also don't want to get hurt or keep using the same muscles.

I have to get into that size 18 in 79 days. My 90 challenges ends on June 7, Alexander's Christening is on June 10. On June 9 me and my cousins are going to have family photos taken and I need a pair of jeans for that!! And we all know my jeans don't fit ...does a happy dance!

I keep thinking about my "boyfriend" saying how great I look in that dress. Well he said "Your boobs will look fantastic"  Yes, I have a boyfriend.. don't you? In fact I have several!
I have one that makes me feel like this - all you ladies get that right?

One that would help me hide the body if necessary....lol. One that has been MIA for so long he should be striped of the title "boyfriend" And no none of them are gay.. although I did have a gay boyfriend way back when, but that's another story.

Okay enough blogging, time for my big fat @$$ to get up and work out before the BRAT comes home from school or the baby's heart alarm goes off. Here I am all ready to go, so lets get started...


My view of Alexander while doing crunches


And here I am done with my work out, sweating like a???


Tonight a friend is coming over for dinner and to meet Alexander for the first time. I will STICK to my diet! My weigh in is tomorrow at 1pm and I don't want to throw anything off.

If that scale goes down I'm treating myself to a pedicure tomorrow night. Look how sad my toes are :( I need a summer color, I am tired of looking at this red. BUT ONLY if the scale goes down. If not then I am looking at this sorry @$$ color for another week.



Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 13 I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date!

I woke up this morning feeling all stuffy. Both boys are also stuffy. I knew with everyone feeling under the weather that I wouldn't get my work out in this morning.

However ALL DAY I telling telling myself:

1. you will do it tonight
2. you are on day 13 don't go back to day 1
3. when you want to do something, you will

At 6:15pm I heard Ed come home and knew it was time to get my big fat @$$ up and get moving


I did great doing those killer surrenders, I even tried filming it, but you don't see my anything from my waste down, so I'll try to film it again at another time.

My arms are BURNING and every time Jillian Michaels said "you should be burning right now" I was.. BURN makes me think of SUNBURN, SUNBURN makes me think of SUMMER, SUMMER makes me think of the CONVENTION I want to go to, so I really am pushing it!

Here I am sweating like a PIG


I can do this!!!

I just went back and read a few earlier blog posts from this year. When I started again, my first goal is to get back into the jeans I was wearing the day I found out I was pregnant!
I did that!!! Not only did I do it, I don't fit into them as of this week!!!

come on day 14

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

the tale of 3 dresses

If you missed the story about The Quest for the Dress, you can read it here.

I picked up the two smaller size dresses last night came home, hung them up, took a photo and felt like Goldilocks...one will be just right.



I decided to put them all on.. YOU TELL ME HOW I LOOK!
Here I am in the first dress I bought size 22 sweater is size 22/24. This one I can get on and off without even using the zipper. It does feel like there is too much material on the bottom.




Here I am in the 2nd dress size 20 sweater is size 22/24. I had to use the zipper to put this one on and off.




Here I am in the 3rd dress size 18 sweat is size 18/20.


I could NOT get the zipper closed, so the top part does not fit like the above 2 and show off the girls.



So what do you think? Do you like the dress? Do I look like curtains? I am pretty sure I'll get that zipper coded by the end of May on the 18! But if I look like a curtain TELL ME PLEASE!!

I changed the comments so even Anonymous Users can post if you don't want me to know you think I look like the curtains :-) SO LEAVE A COMMENT AND TELL ME YOUR HONEST THOUGHTS!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$