I'm over here

I'm over here, planning my year, listening to self help book. Congratulating myself for losing 20lbs that nobody has noticed yet. Not sure I want them to notice, but anyway thats a different therapy session. I'm trying to start off the year on a positive note. Instead it's about the fucking garbage. The hoarder house. The crap that prevents us from living in a beautiful home.

On today's episode of Our Hoarder House 🏠 Ed flipped out because we cleaned and threw away stuff in my mother's house and he thinks he saw a truck that was his from his childhood. He wanted to go through every bag of garbage because that truck is the most precious item ever! (Sarcasm) he has ever fucking bag in his truck now because he's gonna go threw it all. 

The fight led to him threatening my clay stuff, throwing out my tools. So I threw his shit on the floor. Then he carried out wooden boxes he got me for displays because he's spiteful. Somewhere in there he claims he should just die. All this fucking drama over a truck. A toy truck. Something that was in my mother's house for probably 4 years. The kids no longer play with it. And we dumped all the toys. He had a fucking fit.

I really hate him. I do not have a partner. I have another child. I am so close to being able to make a living. I can't be with this man much longer. He kills my soul. I'm so unhappy. I'm jealous if woman who have men that treat them well. All I do is yell and my kids hate thar about me. I'm explosive when I'm this mad.

I wanted to do clay today and instead I'm a big tension ball. My stomach hurts and I want to cry.