Everything hurts

Everything hurts today. My calves, my arms, my back. I didn't make it 10 minutes. It was about 6. I was ready to give up at 3. I made it to 6, then the phone rang. Saved my the bell.
Tomorrow I will not be working out to a dvd. Instead I will be counting my steps at a ComicCon. I know I will hit my step number tomorrow so I'm counting that as my workout.
My mom seems to wonder when I work out, things and people from my past come to mind. The last time I was this focused there was someone in my life I was giving all my love. I was doing it more for him. This time I'm giving myself all my love.
There are many things about myself that I gave embraced and love. I love my art talent. When I create I fell the most whole. I love all the things I do with my boys. I love the people they are becoming. And I love the fight in my soul that I have to make sure their life is better than mine. I love my eyes and I love my smile. My nose is cute too.
But I don't love my body. I am trapped inside this cage of fat. It holds me back from everything. So I am attacking back. I want to be more than a fat person.
I will be more.
Xoxox
Loving myself
Maria