Day 46 - I have NOTHING to wear!

I did my work out shortly after Anthony went to school. I pushed harder and was able to do 4 push ups in plank position. I remember when I couldn't even hold myself up in plank and that was just in January. Tomorrow I will try for 5, but I know it will take a few days to get it. I like these physical fitness goals I give myself, it makes my journey about being healthy and fit not just a number on the scale.

Here I am at my computer getting ready to work out and here I am with my cheering section that fell asleep while watching me work out.
As I was getting dressed to go get a hair cut I really am having problems finding things to wear that fit me correctly. My jeans are all too big. The pair I'm wearing right now are so loose, I can pull them up to my bra!  They are baggy around the knees, they just look horrible. Which is FREAKING me out because tomorrow I am volunteering at my son's school and the last thing I want to look like is a slob. So I think after I get my hair cut I'm going to go to the Avenue and see if I can find a better pair of jeans. I just can't wait to go shopping on May 12 with Jenn, just no way!
Can you tell my jeans are big in this picture???
Jackie at Moda Salon did my color, cut and blow out in less and 2 hours. I love my hair. The roommate was home by then so I dropped Alex off to him to go on my mission to find jeans. Off to the Avenue where I brought 6 pairs of jeans into the dressing room to try on.
None of those jeans worked so off to Lane Bryant I went. The woman working there all helped me find straight leg petite jeans, in the dressing room and was thrilled to get my big fat ass into those 18!! They are just a little snug around the hips but no way was I buying a 20! These 18s will last me all summer until the autumn when I will go shopping for a smaller size GRIN!!
I was so happy I looked for a new shirt, the lady handed me a 14/16!! She's crazy I took the 18/20 in the dressing room. Here I am in the 18 jeans and 18/20 shirt.

I walked out of the dressing room and now two woman are telling me the shirt is too big and tell me to try on the 14/16 All I see is my big fat belly, so now they give me a pair of spanks and send me back in. This time I try on the purple shirt.

Yeah it looks better but I still see my big fat belly. I need to do more crunches, reverse crunches and bicycle crunches. I might have to try that Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack again. It was so hard for me I couldn't do most of the moves, so I will add it to the 30 shred and do what I can.

I started talking with the sales lady about how long she's worked there and I said I've been shopping here for almost 20 years. She said she didn't remember seeing me before. Then since I was THE QUEEN OF THE NILE over what size shirt, she asked me about my diet. I really need to start carrying a before picture with me, so I took out my drivers license to show her. 

She looked at the picture then looked up at me and said "I know the woman in that photo but I don't know you" WOW!! And that pretty much is how I feel. I don't know this new kick ass me who's working out and has fitness goals BUT I LIKE HER!!!   

Next I try on the red shirt because I wasn't sure which color I liked
SOLD! love the red one. Even my smile was bigger. There was one last shirt I like so I tried that on too. Still a little tight but I took it. I like having GOAL CLOTHES it makes me work harder. 


Speaking of "goal clothes" this is the Quest For The Dress. I'm aiming for this to be my 'mid summer's night dream' goal dress :-) I would love to wear it when I go away mid July.

One last thing I tried on tonight.. which was really the first thing I tried on, when I went to Costco to pick up a photo card order I designed for Twiggy.

Eli who works in the photo center was busy helping a crazy lady so I waited for him to be finish and checked out the jewelry. I love love LOVE this ring, the shape of the stone, the color of the stone, which is for November which is a very special month to me and I like the diamonds around it and on the band.
The ring ALMOST fit my finger, so I asked what size it was...a SEVEN!  My Wedding band is a 9 1/2. I stopped wearing it when I started calling him The Roommate so I had no idea my rings wouldn't fit me either. I think the only ring I have in a 7 is my high school class ring.

I guess when I said the only thing that fits me is my shoes, I wasn't lying, and that's because Jenn and I just bought shoes 2 weeks ago.

I can't wait to work out tomorrow morning... OMG did I just type that?? I can't wait to WORK OUT???!!!! 

See you tomorrow after the Art Show.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 18 - my birthday is soon...

I always get a knot in my stomach when it is getting closer to my birthday. Not because I hate getting older but because I am so unimportant to the people I should be important to, that its just another unimportant day to them. There are several reasons I am unhappy in the current relationship I am in and overlooking my birthday is on the list of why I HATE him!!!!!!!!!

I thought I had the prefect plan for this year. I begged my cousin to cook for me. Well my Uncle is still dealing with health issues so I thought it would be better for my cousin to do something for his Dad and not me. In fact my uncle is having tests on his lungs today! Our birthdays are only 5 days apart. My cousin Chris decided to cook for both of us on Saturday April 7th. Cant wait! I love spending time with my family!

However that leaves me doing nothing on April 4th and I'll be damned if I am going to do nothing again!!. Last year I took Anthony to his first vision therapy appointment and after had lunch with my mom and did a little shopping. I was waiting for the ASS I am currently married to, to come home from work and do something with me. But like I said I am UNIMPORTANT and the monkey's ass worked LATE and did nothing with me. I cooked for our son and went to bed early and crying.

This year Alexander has an appointment with his heart doctor that afternoon. Anthony gets home from school at 3:30pm. So I need to find something fun for me and the kids to do that early evening. I am not counting on anyone else, because I learned I will only be disappointed.

So this morning when Anthony got up I started talking to him about my birthday. I don't want him to grow up thinking it's okay to ignore the ones you love (or say you love) on their birthday too. I asked him what we need for my birthday. I loved his answers:

1. decorations
2. balloons
3. cake
4. presents

Great I thought! The kid gets it! I asked him what kind of present he wanted to get for me. He said a TRAIN!! "Umm no Anthony that's a present for you not for mommy" I told him. I asked him to think about what I like to do and he should be able to think about a present he wants to get me...granted I would be taking him and paying for it, but the point is for him to learn how to treat others.

He thought for a while looked at me and said "Mommy you like to exercise"

I felt like this:



I will be taking my little guy shopping to find something to do with "exercise" to give me for my birthday! Maybe we'll go to Target when he gets home from school that day. He loves shopping there. I would like another work out video so I'll have him help me pick one out. Or maybe I'll get a real sweat band. Or even sneakers!!!

Today I'm trying a new Jillian Michaels DVD 6 week 6 pack. I need more like 6 months 6 pack, but I want to change up my work outs. So here I go.

and done...sweating like a...what? PIG!!!

oh dear Lord that was a killer work out! I had a very hard time, but guess what, I LOVED IT!! When I master that work out I will be super strong...and it will be time to train with that CRAZY GIRL CHERYL for the Spartan Race!! Did you hear that Cheryl??!!! I know you read my blog every day!


Lets go people, get up off your butts!!! I'm on day 18 of working out and you are doing what???


Bring on Day 19!!! time to add 30 more minutes to my work out time this week. go me!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$
PS. Anthony just came home from school. I asked him if he wanted a snack and he said "I want something healthy to eat" LOOK AT THE IMPRESSION I AM MAKING ON MY SON!!!