Day 58 missing too?

No I swear I'm not skipping days on purpose, it's just crazy around here sometimes. If I don't get my workout in first thing, it seems almost impossible to get it in at night, and weekends are a nightmare in this place!!

Yesterday I wanted to get to Home Depot in Totowa, although it isn't the Home Depot I wish I could have walked into yesterday but it's the one near me... so off I went in my new "skinny jeans"size 18 and white t-shirt, piggy tails and flip flops.




My mission.. get flower pots, soil and seeds to grown flowers for Alexander's Christening Favors and Centerpieces, which is a whole lot cheaper than anything else I came up with!!  So I made a list of what we needed and off we went.


You know that roommate I'm always bitching about? He is good for NOTHING!!! He has zero patience with Anthony, doesn't know how to control his temper and makes EVERYTHING into an issue. I swear Anthony's problem is not the ADHD it's the roommate!!

We weren't in the garden area more than 5 minutes when the roommate started getting nasty with my boy! I on the other hand redirected my older son's hyperactivity and had him count out 43 little flower pots, while holding onto the stroller at the same time and watching Alexander. We counted 5 at a time and stacked them in the cart.  The roommate... good for nothing, was just standing there with a puss on his face. Sure no problem I'll take care of both boys, that's why I have a super mom cape and you're just a shit head! I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!

The minute that task was over, Anthony started pushing buttons again. I watch my son have this twinkle in his eye that only someone who used to do everything possible to get their father's attention would recognize. Sure enough, that twinkle was directed at the roommate and BOOM Anthony was off running around the garden center of Home Depot with the roommate screaming his name.

 When I finally saw Anthony with the roommate again I told the roommate to take him back to the van. I honestly can stand how quick and ill tempered the roommate is, it's him I wanted back in the van!!! The roommate stands there saying a few times "yaaaaa knnnnnoooooooowwwwwwwww" with his eyes looking every place but at you... No I don't know you F#@&en @$$hole! Shut the F$#@ up and handle your son without screaming at him, hitting him or swearing at him!!!

People don't see this side of the roommate. almost everyone thinks he's a quiet nice guy and think he's great with Anthony...THAT'S A SHOW PEOPLE!!! the real roommate has hit, slapped and punched my little boy. I have tried everything in my power to get him to control himself, but I can't make him change. Just like nobody could make me diet and work out.

I finished getting the soil and seeds myself and checked out. The roommate has Anthony on the harness and is walking around some where. I call him, he says he's coming, 10 minutes later I decide I don't need him and push the cart to the van while pulling the stroller with Alex!



When we got home more problems!!! The roommate is such an ass that he was fighting with Anthony in the backyard over planting, because the 4 year old wanted to be a 4 year old and ride his bike after planting 10 pots! The roommate continued being stupid and instead of using up a package of seeds he kept opening more and leaving half the seeds in the package. Then some how it's my fault because I am not outside telling him what to do!

This fighting went on for about an hour!
"Just plant the seeds, use them up"
 "if you don't like it then tell me what to do"
 "USE UP ALL THE SEEDS IN EACH PACKAGE"
"well you bought so many seeds I thought you wanted to mix them up"
"I didn't know how many we would need, just open a package, use them as far as they will go and then open the next one"
"well which ones do you want in the big pots"
"I don't care just plant anything"
"Which seeds?"
"I don't care just grab the one next to you and use that one"
"If you don't like what I'm doing then tell me what to do"

I swear it went on and on like this!!And in the meantime what I didn't know was he was also fighting with Anthony outside until finally my mother took Anthony into her house.

Out of all of this drama yesterday, the ONLY good thing was I got to talk to the Lemon Police for a while and read more of 50 shades of grey.  I only have a few pages to finish and should be done tonight.

So that was yesterday and that's why I didn't get a work out in... now today.. I'm not done with yet :-) Time for my walk/run and I'll be back to blog about today.





Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 52 -This one is JUST right

I stayed up much later than I wanted to reading 50 Shades of Gray. When Anthony came bouncing out of bed like he does very morning, I was really kicking myself in my big fat ass for staying up so late. I will not make the same mistake tonight, plus I'm in no mood for Mr. Grey. In fact he would hate me tonight because I'm breaking a rule and doing it on purpose! so take that Mr. Grey

I had a nice morning with my boys and when Anthony got on the bus I came in to face the evil Ms. Michaels! I've been doing the 30 Day Shred for some time now, so I thought it was to go back to No More Trouble Zones.

I was right! My shoulders, back and legs hurt...but that good hurt from working out. I will be sticking with this DVD and doing those dreaded Surrender Exercise. I was doing pretty well with the work out, was almost done, but the phone was ringing and it was the doctor's office, they needed to reschedule my Friday appointment. Then Alex started his little fussing that he does when he's hungry, so 30 minutes was all I got in of the 40 minute work out.

When Anthony came home from school we went right to his dentist appointment. He had his check up and teeth cleaned. Then Nonna treated him to his favorite pizza, eggplant parm pizza. Anthony stayed downstairs by her, Alex up by me, then the roommate came home and I just needed to get out of the house and be alone. So I decided I would return the bigger dresses, but not before trying them all on again one last time.

If you missed any of the Quest for the Dress posts, the story begins with my post from March 11. Then continues on March 21 and a very happy me on April 4th.
Here I am today in the size 22 that I bought first. This one is too too big

This is me in the 20 - This one is too big

And the size 18 is JUST right - well almost just right and I still have a whole month to work on my belly!
If you ask me I think you can tell by my face I needed some down time. 

I got to Lane Bryant to return the dresses and the woman asked "Why are you returning them?" even though I was moody I was happy to answer "They are too big"

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 47 - Art Show

 I can't stop smiling from this wonderful day.  I knew I had to get my work out in before I left to help at my son's school. This morning I had to get a file over to Twiggy and then I was making plans for the tournament I'm going to in July, I was so busy I forgot to take my before picture.

It took me longer than I thought to get myself ready and pack everything I needed for the day, but when I was finally dressed and ready to walk out of the house I FELT GREAT IN MY NEW CLOTHES. When I walked into the school gym, Anthony's aid said she hadn't seen me in a long time and I looked great. I really love that people are noticing, it really makes me want to work harder. I felt so good, that I swear I even felt taller. I walked around help set up and did whatever they asked me to do.


When the saboteur got there with my Aunt and Uncle she would make this pissy face every time someone said they could see how much weight I lost.

When my friend Denise's sister and parents got there, the saboteur actually walked away with her pissy face. I had such a GRIN because I knew it was eating at her. She just loves to tell me how fat I am but she can't really do that with everyone else saying they can see the change.

Boyfriend told me to ask to borrow her clothes and then give them back and say they are too big. I think what happen tonight was better! But I will sneak into her room and put on a pair of her jeans to check to see if they are too big. Then I'll be doing the happy dance :-)

You might be wondering why it's such a big deal about her. In 2009 I found this doctor I asked her for MONTHS to watch Anthony for me to go and see what it was about. She was too busy, or she forgot, or she had things to do. Meanwhile she was losing weight and looking good and every time she had on something new I told her she looked good. Her replies were always something nasty like "I'm starving myself" or "I go to be hungry" crap like that. She was saying this to other people too. I don't know why it's so hard to say "Thank you, I'm working hard"

One day I was out of milk so I went into her apartment to borrow some. In her refrigerator was all these bottles of shakes. I took one out, looked at it and read that it was from The Center for Medical Weight Loss. I went back upstairs and cried and cried. I couldn't believe she was that much of a B!TCH to actually go to the doctor I had been trying to get too. And this is not the first time she did this to me with a diet.

She SCREAMED at me in 6th grade when I was 100lbs and had started developing in 2nd grade and hit puberty by 4th! By 6th grade when all my friends were just starting to get boobs, I was done growing and a kid in a woman's body with a C cup. I was NOT FAT! I know that now, but I didn't know it then. She put me on a diet making me eat things I still hate. She swore she would do the diet with me.

One day she forgot to pack the dressing for my salad in my lunch, because she was a teacher in the school I was in, I went to the teachers room to ask her for some of her dressing. I hoped the door to the teachers room, looked for her and saw her sitting there having Chinese food and not the gross salad she packed for me. I looked at her, started to cry and walked out. She didn't come after me, she didn't talk to me that night and that was the end of that diet. I had a sandwich the next day.

There is something wrong with this woman. This is not how you should act with your children. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help my children, especially when it comes to their health. All of you who know all the details of my two boys know that's true. I need to be healthy enough to raise them, I need to be a good roll model. The have to learn good habits from me! 

Back to the Art Show...I am going to have to give in and say boyfriend is right, people are sensing my confidence because several people (mostly guys) were asking about the frames and how much.  One guy was talking to me so long that his wife came over and gave him a dirty look. I thought it was funny! I was pushing around a baby in a stroller after all.

We took a few pictures of my little artist. Here he is holding up his Andy Warhol inspired sponge painting of his name and a few favorite letters.

And this is my favorite of me and my little artist. He even has a Wubbzy Artist eye patch on.

 I posted this on facebook tonight to brag about my little masterpiece. I was NOT expecting the comments that followed:

Cousin Chris posts: Look how skinny his mom is getting!!!! I saw you 3 - 4 weeks ago, and you've definitely lost visibly since then!
Cheryl said: MAria: you look aawesome!!!!
Cousin Arlena said: You really look great in this pix! Great job!
Cara said: Oh my heck, girlie.... you look fantastic!
Jenn said: you are the incredible shrinking woman....just amazing!
Kelly M. said: you look amazing, keep up the good work!!!

And the grin from their comments and likes has been on my face for HOURS!! Even when the roommate started fighting with me, I started fighting back, but then stopped myself and said "You are NOT worth it" because he couldn't find WIPES when the whole case was on the floor next to him!


And the last BIG thing of today, The Center for Medical Weight Loss asked me "Do you mind if we post your pic to give everyone a bit of encouragement?" and "Would also love to have you on our main site as a Success Story!"
 I told them I'm not a success yet!!! I'm a "getting there" story

See you tomorrow after I do my work out!!! And again I can't wait to do it. I am going to add in a little of the ab dvd too, then I'll really be sweating like a pig.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 46 - I have NOTHING to wear!

I did my work out shortly after Anthony went to school. I pushed harder and was able to do 4 push ups in plank position. I remember when I couldn't even hold myself up in plank and that was just in January. Tomorrow I will try for 5, but I know it will take a few days to get it. I like these physical fitness goals I give myself, it makes my journey about being healthy and fit not just a number on the scale.

Here I am at my computer getting ready to work out and here I am with my cheering section that fell asleep while watching me work out.
As I was getting dressed to go get a hair cut I really am having problems finding things to wear that fit me correctly. My jeans are all too big. The pair I'm wearing right now are so loose, I can pull them up to my bra!  They are baggy around the knees, they just look horrible. Which is FREAKING me out because tomorrow I am volunteering at my son's school and the last thing I want to look like is a slob. So I think after I get my hair cut I'm going to go to the Avenue and see if I can find a better pair of jeans. I just can't wait to go shopping on May 12 with Jenn, just no way!
Can you tell my jeans are big in this picture???
Jackie at Moda Salon did my color, cut and blow out in less and 2 hours. I love my hair. The roommate was home by then so I dropped Alex off to him to go on my mission to find jeans. Off to the Avenue where I brought 6 pairs of jeans into the dressing room to try on.
None of those jeans worked so off to Lane Bryant I went. The woman working there all helped me find straight leg petite jeans, in the dressing room and was thrilled to get my big fat ass into those 18!! They are just a little snug around the hips but no way was I buying a 20! These 18s will last me all summer until the autumn when I will go shopping for a smaller size GRIN!!
I was so happy I looked for a new shirt, the lady handed me a 14/16!! She's crazy I took the 18/20 in the dressing room. Here I am in the 18 jeans and 18/20 shirt.

I walked out of the dressing room and now two woman are telling me the shirt is too big and tell me to try on the 14/16 All I see is my big fat belly, so now they give me a pair of spanks and send me back in. This time I try on the purple shirt.

Yeah it looks better but I still see my big fat belly. I need to do more crunches, reverse crunches and bicycle crunches. I might have to try that Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack again. It was so hard for me I couldn't do most of the moves, so I will add it to the 30 shred and do what I can.

I started talking with the sales lady about how long she's worked there and I said I've been shopping here for almost 20 years. She said she didn't remember seeing me before. Then since I was THE QUEEN OF THE NILE over what size shirt, she asked me about my diet. I really need to start carrying a before picture with me, so I took out my drivers license to show her. 

She looked at the picture then looked up at me and said "I know the woman in that photo but I don't know you" WOW!! And that pretty much is how I feel. I don't know this new kick ass me who's working out and has fitness goals BUT I LIKE HER!!!   

Next I try on the red shirt because I wasn't sure which color I liked
SOLD! love the red one. Even my smile was bigger. There was one last shirt I like so I tried that on too. Still a little tight but I took it. I like having GOAL CLOTHES it makes me work harder. 


Speaking of "goal clothes" this is the Quest For The Dress. I'm aiming for this to be my 'mid summer's night dream' goal dress :-) I would love to wear it when I go away mid July.

One last thing I tried on tonight.. which was really the first thing I tried on, when I went to Costco to pick up a photo card order I designed for Twiggy.

Eli who works in the photo center was busy helping a crazy lady so I waited for him to be finish and checked out the jewelry. I love love LOVE this ring, the shape of the stone, the color of the stone, which is for November which is a very special month to me and I like the diamonds around it and on the band.
The ring ALMOST fit my finger, so I asked what size it was...a SEVEN!  My Wedding band is a 9 1/2. I stopped wearing it when I started calling him The Roommate so I had no idea my rings wouldn't fit me either. I think the only ring I have in a 7 is my high school class ring.

I guess when I said the only thing that fits me is my shoes, I wasn't lying, and that's because Jenn and I just bought shoes 2 weeks ago.

I can't wait to work out tomorrow morning... OMG did I just type that?? I can't wait to WORK OUT???!!!! 

See you tomorrow after the Art Show.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 31 - back on track

Happy Monday and Happy I got my big fat @$$ back on track day. Told you I wouldn't let the eating continue. I have to make that size 18 look good not just zip it up!!

It was a long day, since Anthony is home from school. It's 10:39pm and this kid is still going!!! He just never stops, so I'm trying to get him to do the work outs with me hoping it will tire out the ADHD kid.. no luck! Meanwhile I am ready to go to bed RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

My friend Jenn is also doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. She also hates the evil B!t(h, but my ass is getting smaller. In February my roommate took full body pictures of me. We are going to take them again some times this week. I can't wait to see the change. I know there's a change, the jeans I was wearing in February I need a belt to hold up.

Here I am tonight with Anthony at the start of the work out.


Anthony gave up, so here I am done 30 minutes later.


Good thing I don't have a weigh in on Friday, I jumped on my scale tonight and got scared by the number I saw! I don't like when I see it go up even a little bit. I need to focus, work hard and next week I hope to have at least another 2lbs off my big fat ass!

See you tomorrw
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 26 - work out 2 - HAPPY Birthday to ME!!!

I have a LOT to say.. so grab your cup of coffee, or water or whatever you drink and read my blog!!

I've said a few times how much I HATE my birthday, I didn't expect anything else for today so I was very surprised that it didn't suck! I was almost correct when I said last night that my "Boyfriend who makes me smile" would be the first one to wish me a Happy Birthday. Jenn's text message beat his in by seconds!!

Alex and I went to bed late and that stupid monitor went off a few times which means I didn't get a good night's sleep. I jumped up out of bed at 6am thinking it was much later. Took me a minute to realize it wasn't 9am :-) Went back to sleep jumped up again at 8:30 and saw that my -roommate- aka current husband was still in bed. I woke him up thinking he was late for work and that's when I found out he took the day off to surprise me and take me and the boys to Calandra's. If you have been reading my blog you know I FREAKED when the  saboteur wanted to take me there last week. Read  Day 21 - Help! The bread is trying to get me

I was SO UPSET!!! This is why the roommate and I have been having problems for so many years. He NEVER listens to me. Some might say "well he's trying" TRYING?????????? I am losing weight.. not TRYING to lose weight. And if he ever bothered to read my blog when I started it, or asked me each week how I was doing on the diet, he would know the LAST THING I wanted to do was go out to lunch or dinner, unless there was JUST A SALAD involved.

My cousin is making me dinner on Saturday night, which I'm planning on eating then. On Sunday we have Easter. I'm cooking so I know I can control what I put in my mouth. I didn't want to add any more calorie intake that I had to this week. I have a GOAL to get to!!!!! THAT IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

I couldn't even deal with the emotions I was feeling. I actually felt SET UP TO FAIL. I sent Cheryl a text and a few other people. I was so pissed I gave myself a headache. When Alexander started crying I told the roommate to feed him and I went back to bed.

That little nap I had made me feel better so I was able to reclaim the day for ME!!!  I decided if he was taking the day off he could do things that he's been lazy about like put the Christmas tree in the basement and take care of the boys while I go for a pedicure.  I thought Twiggy might come with me, but she went to her brothers. As I was about to walk out the door, the saboteur said she was going tomorrow and asked to come with me. Off we went.

I treated myself to a spa pedicure. I was in heaven! I had my favorite coffee, resting in the massage chair, listening to music and having my legs rubbed. I even treated myself to a manicure, which I never get since I usually do my nails myself. (used to work in a salon as a nail tech if you don't know.)



I felt GREAT, happy and relaxed. I had a smile on my face when I walked in the door. And I remembered I have a Birthday t-shirt! So I went looking in that bottom draw for it, put it on and this is what I saw.



NEVERMIND!!!! That shirt is WAY to big, I'll stick with this one.



Now the plan was the boys would have dinner and we would all go to Target... UNTIL Anthony started acting like demon boy from hell! No way I was I letting him ruin how great I was feeling and now add that my birthday shirt looks like a tent on me, I wanted to get out of the house fast.

I was just going to head to the mall alone but decided to pick up the phone and call Jenn to see if she could meet me at Rockaway. She was planning on visiting me tomorrow so I took a change and luckily she was free. So I rushed out the door headed to Rockaway Mall, singing to the CD my cousin Chris made me.

Jenn who also has lost weight knows how I was feeling about eating a big meal.


Me and Jenn in 2005 on her wedding day

Me and Jenn tonight

She told me she was taking me out for a salad, we also shared an order of calamari and I did NOT stick to my 3 lemon limit - GOT THAT...LMAO

I was laughing so hard and having so much fun joking about this stupid lemon limit.. I swear for such a little stupid joke, I laugh my butt off over it all the time.

Next we went shoe shopping.. and I'm thrilled to say I found shoes for my dress for the Christening, casual cute black shoes and SNEAKERS!!!!!! Well Jenn surprised me and paid for my sneakers!!!!!! Thank you so much Jenn! You know how hard I'm working to get my big fat @$$ to be a little @$$
Hear that Cheryl? I got sneakers!!! I can start walking now.


Here are my cute new shoes


Next I told Jenn I needed a belt because I don't want to buy new jeans yet. Happy to say my jeans are now staying up. I also asked to get measured for a new bra because I could feel how big my bras are getting. I broke down in tears when she told me. 40DDD I was wearing 48DDD!!!!! So I now have 3 new bras.. and no I'm not posting a picture of them :-P

I headed home with one thing on my mind..WORKING OUT!!

When I got in, my baby boy was sleeping, my brat boy was still up. I showed him my new shoes for the Christening dress. Then I asked the roommate to get the dresses out of the closet, I wanted to see how it looked with the shoes. I put my new bra on and put on that size 18, wondering how much more I could get it zipped up.

A picture is worth a thousand words


It was only on March 21 when I picked up that size 18 from the store!!! If you missed that blog click here to read it. yeah I know it's still a little tight, but I ZIPPED IT!!! Only TWO weeks ago we couldn't get it zipped!



I am thrilled!!!!! I will keep on working hard. Guess those killer Jillian Michaels work outs are working!!!  I changed and did my work out at 11:04pm! I was not missing another day.

Before

Since the ADHD boy was still up he was doing jumping jacks with me

After


My birthday turned out GREAT!!!!!
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$