♡ my scale

WOW!!! My scale is down 5lbs.
I made small chances. Drinking water, being aware of what I am eating, cutting out sweets, I drank a lot of water the days I was home and could go to the bathroom every 5 minutes.
I'm happy. Looking forward to another week. I know it might be just 1 pound each week and that's fine.
Thanks Cheryl for your inspiration.

Day 42 -"motivated, determination, inspiration"

"motivated, determination, inspiration" from cousin Michele, Angel and Jenn. Denise added "I still need some of what you got!" I'm so surprised when someone says anything like that, I still don't see myself like that. It's about my health, it's about changing my life, it's about not dying and leaving these two little boys. It's about making sure we all lead a healthy lifestyle. If they don't learn it from me, who's going to teach them?

Every Friday I get excited and nervous about heading over to Dr. Ransom. He's always so nice and supportive about everything. Even when there is something coming up he will help me with ways to get through that event. I just always think any scale HATES ME...lol But it seems this super duper scale they have is in love with me. :-)

I like to do all the settings and the girls let me, so I put in my height, then female, put my age in, grab the handles and close my eyes and say to myself "Please please please let me have at least lost a pound" When I opened my eyes to see the number today, I COULDN'T EVEN DO THE MATH THAT FAST!  I kept saying "How much is that? how much?"  Until Jen said it's 4.5lbs!!!!! (can you see my smile?)

That is for two weeks not one. Dr Ransom was on vacation last week. Prior to this my personal best for two weeks was 4lbs which was on March 2, 2012 before I started my 90 day challenge and I didn't even blog about it. My personal best for one week is 3.5lbs on March 23, 2012. And only one week I didn't lose anything, I went up .5 of muscle and down .5 of fat, so I broke even which was on March 30, 2012.

I did a few errands after the doctor's, then waiting for Anthony to come home while talking to my cousin Michele. Anthony had a snack, I fed Alexander then Twiggy sent me a text asking if we could go for a walk. Out the door we went, Anthony running and me pushing Alex in the stroller.

The streets around here are all hill, so I knew it would be a work out just pushing Alex. And then I added a run from the turn around the block from one corner to the next up hill!! I thought I was going to die, my legs are still burning. We did this 4 times.  I am going to keep doing this until I can run some more.

I got home made dinner for the roommate and Anthony while they ran out to do an errand. Since it was quiet with just me and Alex I put in the 30 day shred and worked out.

Before and After




I am really surprising myself. I am so happy my ticker moved down and I'm really on my way to this next goal.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 28 - GOAL MET - TICKER RESET!!!

Every Friday I get so nervous about what that stupid scale is going to say. Today Jenn asked ask a simple question...why do I get nervous? I realized my self worth is tied into that number on the scale. It's going to take more therapy to fix that!!

Turns out the scale loved me this week. Even with being sick I lost 2.5lbs and reached my first goal for the year 2 months before I thought I would! I am now at the same weight I was when the doctor confirmed I was pregnant with Alexander. As it turns out, that was a year ago TODAY! April 6th. I knew I was pregnant for two weeks but it was too soon to take a home test. I couldn't wait anymore, went to the doc, got a blood test and ...well now we have Alex!

I changed my ticker to show I reached my goal and put up a new one with a new goal of another 10lbs. I decided I will work with shorter goals from here on out. Telling myself I am going to lose 10lbs is much easier for me.

Anthony had no school today and with him underfoot working out is harder. By the time I got myself ready and started my Boyfriend (the one that will hide the body) texted me and told me to be ready in 30 minutes for our date!!!

I took my before picture but there is no after picture because I went to the movies! And I don't feel bad one little bit! I haven't been to a movie since Toy Story 3!





Tomorrow is another day. When I get up the FIRST THING I will do is work out!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 25 - feeling better

Feeling much better today but I don't want to push it and work out yet because this morning when I woke up I didn't feel well. I started feeling better after the Robitussin kicked in and I was showered and dressed ready to go to my friends grandmother's wake.

I took this picture before I walked out the door and sent it to the boyfriend who makes me smile and he said "I see a HUGE change!" What do you think? I think it's the clothes. Because these are new, the shirt I couldn't get my fat ass into 3 months ago.
****beep beep beep beep*** this just in...... my cousin just replied to the same picture and said "Did you melt away while you were sleeping? You look awesome!" It's gotta be the clothes. My ass is still super fat, but I LOVE hearing people can see a difference :-)


I lined up all my food this morning, no more soup and toast for me. If I'm not going to work out today then I at least need to stick to the plan


Tomorrow I am going to go to the funeral and I am planning on doing a work out tomorrow night! That's the plan... so see you tomorrow. Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 11 - 5 years ago today...

Five years ago today I put down my pack of cigarettes, walked out the door, went to work determined never to smoke again as if my life depended on it. - no gum, no patch, no drugs, just cold turkey and lots of water!

Here I am 5 years later with that same determination as if my life depended on it..pushing myself, working out, eating better and lots of water!



I have to keep pushing myself and reminding myself all the reasons I'm doing this.

For my girlfriend Cheryl, who's been an inspiration to me, who's getting ready for a race...move it girlfriend you can do it.

I found this picture on Cheryl's FB page shared from Tiger Schulmann's Mma Middletown. - Body scan of 250 pound woman and 120 pound woman.



Here I am ready to work out today to Jillian Micheals No More Trouble Zones



here I am sweating like a pig again...do pigs sweat? can someone answer that?



and now all showered and looking nice, too bad I don't have a date :-)

I took my boys to the mall to see the Easter Bunny. My older one ran out the door when we were leaving, my mom can't run because of her knees but I took off pushing the stroller and nearly ran over my mom because she didn't get out of the way.. and GUESS WHAT?? I wasn't out of breath!! The brat finally stopped running.

I am hoping to get to the Clifton Lane Bryant tonight to buy my dress in a size 20 and 18, but since I can't take Alex on the highway with his heart monitor I have to wait until someone can watch him. So if I don't get there tonight, I'll go tomorrow.

I'm feeling really good and believe I'll get into that 18 BECAUSE today when I put on my favorite jeans they were falling off me.



They are too big around the waste and legs. I don't know if you can really tell from the above picture, but trust me. Last month they fit me perfectly, today not at all.

I am so happy, but since they were my first jeans in years with a button and zipper I will not just give them away. I think I'll cut them and make a scrap page out of them.

Day 12 here I come!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 9 - Do or do not. There is no try!

thanks Yoda for today's motivation!


Some how with my new 90 day challenge attitude, I have become motivation and inspiration. Me? the fat chick is inspiring people. HOLY MOLY, this is all new to me. I hope I can keep it up and if I can't the same people give me a push.

I told everyone in my household when I got up today, everyone had to get out of the living room for me to do my 30 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I started writing that this morning and LIFE happened!! it's after midnight now so that means it's day 10 and not day 9 anymore. I wanted to finish blogging because that's part of my challenge.

I put in level 2 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. How did those people on the biggest loser not drop dead on her? I thought the Surrender Exercise was a killer HA HA HA HA HA

I had a very hard time doing most of level 2 and the buckets of sweat where just pouring off me

I still can't do a full push up, I'm still on my knees but hey I couldn't do them at ALL when I started so I'm sure I'll get used to this level two in a few weeks.

I'm doing great with all the crunch moves. I remember when I couldn't do them either.

((today's photos brought to you by Ed))

The whole time I was working out I was wondering...How many Calories are in a Starbucks Tazo Chai Tea Latte?? -   answer 240

Like I said LIFE kept happening tonight and we went to dinner.
I had a salad and

and peel and eat shrimp with my 3 LEMON LIMIT ((inside joke - don't ask))


Tomorrow - well today, I will do Level 2 again of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and sweat some more buckets.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 8 - funny thing happened on the way to the doctor

Get my blog via email. Just put your email address in the "follow by email" box on the right side under my exercise ticker. Look over there  ---------->

I have been pissed off all week that my scale keeps showing me up 2lbs. There's really no doubt in my mind that it was in fact up the first week of March after my melt down into that black hole I get sucked into when life sucks! I don't remember eating anything else but potato chips that week.

But I recognized what I was doing and STOPPED and my 90 challenge was born. I know there might be times when I can't work out or I eat other food, so it's a 90 day 90% on target challenge. That gives me a -little- wiggle room, like for CAKE on my birthday. (cousin Chris if you read my blog I like cannoli cake, but one little cannoli with a candle will do!)


I weighed myself again last night and the damn scale still said up 2lbs. I headed to Dr. Ransom's with all the positives on my mind that happened this week and WOW there was a lot to be proud about.

1. I met the goal to work out 180 minutes in a week
2. I went OVER that goal by 30 minutes
3. I drank more than 8 glasses of water a day
4. I did the surrender exercise!
5. I blogged every day
6. and most importantly I am really learning to recognize when I slip up and when I'm doing great!

I got on that super duper scale that tells you the fat weight, muscle weight and water weight, closed my eyes and hoped for the best. I heard Carmon say "you're down 2 pounds" WHAT?!?!? DOWN!!!!!!!!!! I could not wipe the smile off my face! My evil scale had lied to me all week.

I am now only 6 pounds away from my lowest weigh in before I took the pregnancy test and 16 days away from when that lowest weigh in happened last year! I have 2 weigh ins to go. I don't want to make myself crazy and push for 3lbs a week but I will be THRILLED if the weigh in before my birthday puts me right where I was last year.

I left the doctor's office with that smile, put Alexander in the van and played my theme song for the year over and over until we were home.


I came in the door, put Alexander in the pack n play, put in that evil woman Jillian Michaels, changed my clothes and did my 30 minute work out! I knew I had to get it in right then or it would be more difficult as the day went on.
before:

after:


I was still smiling from my 2lbs down even after doing EIGHT of those kick ass Surrender Exercise!

Sure enough if I didn't get the work out in, I would be struggling right now with my crazy 4 year old, a crying 4 month old and my husband to get time for myself to work out for 30 minutes. I am not sure how I'm going to do it this weekend but I'll figure it out.

I am glad I pushed myself to get past day 5, I was really tired and could have just stopped working out. I am feeling GREAT!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 7 - Why am I doing this?

If you want to see what I'm doing every day but forget to come over to my blog you can have my blog sent to your email.  Just put your email address in the "follow by email" box on the right side under my exercise ticker. Look over there  ---------->

I must be crazy, this is torture! All my muscles are burning. My thighs hurt going up and down my stairs and I keep asking myself why am I doing this??

answers:
1. so I don't die from a heart attack or other obesity related disease
2. so I won't be insulin resistance any more
3. to teach my boys you can do anything with hard work
4. I don't want to stop my boys from doing things just because I am too fat to do it too.
5. because I don't want a gastric bypass.


bonus answers:
1. to walk into a room and not say to myself "you're the fattest one here"
2. to stop buying clothes in plus size stores. I don't even know what sizes are out of a plus size store.
3. to own a little black dress
4. I want to run a marathon
5. and come on, the sex just has to be even better if I can be flipped around or upside down! Like this one looks like fun, and if I can get into that bridge position then these works outs are really working!

My stupid stupid scale totally hates me this week it's still saying I am up 2lbs. I am going to cry when I get to my weigh in on Friday.

I am still pushing myself. In the past I would have stopped dieting because the scale didn't move. But I noticed my stomach seems to be in more on the sides and I didn't get sick looking at a picture of me from behind! So something is working.

I was planning on doing Jillian Michaels again today and push myself to do more of those killer Surrender Exercise but the throbbing in my thighs hasn't
stopped since I did them yesterday. When I was laying in bed last night my quadriceps were on fire. Good thing I went to massage school, I kept rubbing them until they didn't hurt anymore.  So I'll be skipping Ms. Michaels and doing Debbie Sieber today.

I'll be back to continue blogging after my kid is on the bus and I do my work out. (11am)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(back 3pm)

There is something wrong with me!! at the very last minute I switched DVDs from nice sweet Debbie Siebers who shows you other ways to do something if you cant or lets you march in place when it's to much to that mean b!t(h who yells at you Jillian Michaels!

I pushed myself and when she got to the surrenders I kept saying "come on 7!" and started giggling and thinking of this scene from Friends.


I did it, another day, sweating like a pig.. do pigs even sweat?


Not only did I make it to my goal minutes this week, I surpassed it! But I'm still going to kick and scream and CRY at my weigh in tomorrow at 1pm MY SCALE IS UP BY 2LBS!!!!

And to all my SKINNY friends who are checking on me, GET YOUR BUTTS UP AND MOVE!! if my fat ass has worked out 210 minutes this week, YOU CAN WORK OUT 10 MINUTES TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 6 - moody b!t(h from hell

WHY HASN'T MY SCALE MOVED????????????? it is still UP 2lbs WTF!?! Is anyone reading my blog???

If I wasn't working so hard I would say it was because I wasn't putting enough effort in, but come on, this is going to be the 6th day I work out in a row and there's no change. If I keep working out this will work right??? That size 18 dress seems so far away right now.

My shakes are all set up for the day with my vitamins. (pic taken at 9am)


Time to get my monkey on the bus, the other monkey fed then I'll be back to work out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My phone rang, I heard an email come in and my cell went off a few times, but I just kept working out! I realized that I will have to go to work one day and these few years I have home with the boys are my time to learn to eat right, exercise and get myself in shape. I have to learn all these things now so then I am maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not fighting to lose weight and work full time.

Just finished my day 6 workout..am I thin yet? (pic taken at 2:30pm)

And for the first time EVER I met my goal for minutes to work out in a week. BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE!!!!!!! or maybe a comment or two.

Time to hit the shower, give my baby a bath, get my big one home from school and off to vision therapy tonight, then out with Tara for her birthday.. don't worry I won't cheat, I'll just have coffee :-)


Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 5 - is that really me?

I saw friends over the weekend and we were looking at a wedding picture from their wedding. I asked her to email me pictures from her wedding because I had to look at myself again. I am at my heaviest weight here, not counting when I was pregnant with the boys, add 30lbs.

I see a big difference! I really need to get the "saboteur" out of my head because you can too see I lost weight!! She's just BLIND!!

Me Sept 5 2005

me in the dressing room on Saturday March 10, 2012


You can really see the difference in my face. left is from 2009 6 months before I started my diet. The right is from March 2012 and as I was taking the picture I was thinking "Oh My God I'm pregnant"


Today I'm going to work out to Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6! I'm even working out earlier than normal. go me!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

It's all a head game!

I am getting ready for my work out. My music is ready. The older one is on the bus and I started thinking.. wouldn't it be WONDERFUL if my baby boy Alex looks at pictures of me from before he was born and his first year and says "Mommy I don't remember you being fat!"

That would be so much better than all the things that were said to me growing up from my family...
"You would be so pretty IF, you lost weight"
"When are you going to start reducing?"

And one of my favorite memories (not) is when my cousins picked me up and carried me into the bathroom to weigh me just to make fun of me FOREVER and to my face sing this stupid song that used to make me cry "The fat's on the fire"

THEY ALL NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get out, get out, get out I say. I am NOT that person anymore. I don't need food to make me feel better. And F%(& Y@U I AM PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now it's time for my work out and my #1 fan to make cute cooing sounds from the pack n play as he watches mommy.


Game face on, music ready and Jillian Michaels ready to kick my big fat ass!


Day 4 here I come!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

The Quest for the Dress 2012

I knew I wanted to wear a dress for my son's Christening in June, I just figured I would go shopping in May to find something. Until the Lane Bryant spring catalog came in the mall. I fell in love with the dress and purple sweater on the cover. It has an iris print on it and iris is one of my favorite flowers. Of course my saboteur told me the dress was too busy.

Here's the dress:


I posted the dress to my facebook page and a few of my friends said "get it" but the saboteur still gets to me. After the 4th person said you would look good, I decided at the spur of the moment when running errands yesterday to go try it on.


The feedback from my friends was great! I came home very happy, with my size 22 dress, big difference from when I started dieting I was wearing a 32!! We had friends over for dinner and I put the dress on for them to see. They also liked it on me a lot.

When I took it off I realized it has a zipper, which I did NOT use to put the dress on!!! I started thinking, with pushing myself to exercise come June, this dress is going to be too big, I need a size 20!

This morning I called a few Lane Bryant stores until the lady in Clifton went out of her way to help me. When I told her I have been dieting and exercising and have lost 21 pounds from Jan. She said "Honey if you lose another 20lbs you will be in a size 18"

The lady found the dress for me in a 20 and because of what she said, I also have a size 18 on hold. I will pick up the dresses on Wednesday and I have a 60 return window. May 5th I need to decide which dresses are going back and which I'm keeping.

One thing I know for sure, that size 22 is going BACK!!!!!

And now it's time for my workout!! It's Day 3 of my 90 day challenge.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

do not take my silence as quitting!

Some how my browser does not like me signing into my blog and times out! I keep trying and finally I was able to log in tonight.

I am working out, feel very determined. I am down a total of 18lbs of the regained weight from having my little boy. I was giving myself until June to get off the 30lbs but I am feeling confident that I can do it by my birthday on April 4th! or at least be really close!

then I will reset my weight loss counter to lose another 20...baby steps I'm taking.

I did a late work out on Sunday night and I'm real proud of myself. I could have came home from visiting my Aunt & Uncle and just watched TV but I did my new Jillian Michaels DVD.

hoping to have another good weigh in on Friday!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

4th day of working out

I was so tired this morning. The baby was so fussy. I didn't get a good night's sleep with the fuss pot, the 2am feeding and the 7am feeding.. and the wondering man I am currently married to had the nerve to tell me he was tired after going to bed at 10pm! I will give him tired, come here let me kick you in the face.. wait I can't get my leg up that high yet! Dammit..I will work on that.

I got on the scale and the number went down.. so I put my game face on

and did Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6® start it up. There was no way I could do Jillian Michael's another day.

In the afternoon I went over to visit with my aunt and cousins. My uncle had open heart surgery today.... it runs in the family so I need to get this weight OFF now. I don't want to die in my 60's like my grandfather.

I felt really good when I got dressed, I'm feeling strong and determined. I snapped this photo of myself in the van on the drive over to my aunts.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

pictures from today

the only photo I took during the work out

my sweaty face before I jumped in the shower

my set up of shakes for the day

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

Day 3 of working out

Dear old you,
You can do it. I'm thin now. Don't give up. I know it's hard but it will get easier, you'll be able to work out longer, you'll even have heavier weights to use, cute work out clothes too. Believe in yourself, remember your theme song to keep you going when your legs and arms are burning.
In 18 short months you'll take your kids to a water park and won't feel like a beached whale. Keep up the good work, you are awesome! Just keep believing in a better future for yourself.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

another workout

Today I did some of the Jillian Michaels. Damn she's hard for me but I knew if I did the same workout from yesterday I wouldn't make 10 minutes. My legs are killing me from yesterday.

less than 10 minutes into my workout Alexander started screaming, so I turned around and faced him while he was sitting in his little chair. I know he doesn't understand what mommy is doing, but I felt like screaming "shut up kid, don't you want to go bike riding with mommy or go to a water park?"

I am holding him in my left arm right now as I type with one hand.

Ha I really thought I was smiling! you can see how red my face is from the workout!

I'm done...now I just need to stick to my diet again today...GO ME!


Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

I did it!

I did the 24 minutes of the "start it up" section of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 I really like that there is a countdown clock for the whole work out and each area we are working on also has it's own clock. That really helped to keep me going.

After 10 minute I wanted to stop but just pushed myself. I even put my camera on its timer to get a few pictures. I just looked at the pictures and HATE how I look. But isn't that the point? I hate how I look so I am doing something about it. I decided to post one of the pictures to keep myself motivated.

I need to keep going. I don't want to miss out on fun stuff with my boys because mommy is too fat. I want to ride a bike with my boys, take them to a water park and take a trip on a plane without worrying if I will fit in the seat.

Losing weight also means cuter clothes, maybe getting checked out once in while and better sex *grin*!!!

so here's to me on my first work out day and sticking to my diet. Now I need a shower!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

down 3.5 this week!!!

Totally amazing!! I knew I felt it but I thought it would be 1.5 MAYBE 2lbs not 3.5. I started crying when the scale showed the number. I even asked "is that right?"

Now I really need to make it my mission this week to work out again. I should just stop what I'm doing and when I put my older one on the bus do a work out. Okay that's the plan for Monday... 1pm put a work out dvd in and do my best.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

something happened today!

On Saturday I went shopping for new bras. After gaining weight with the baby and losing it again my bras didn't fit right and the girls were sagging. I had NO idea how great I would feel with these new bras and the girls sitting where they belong.

I am a stay at home mom and the last few months of my pregnancy I was hardly getting dressed to put my 4yr old on the bus for school. This year I have been getting dressed every day. My son has been asking if I'm going out because he was so used to me in my pjs.

Well today I put on my new red bra, which made me feel sexy and grabbed what I call a 'house shirt'.. meaning I wouldn't go out of the house wearing it because it either doesn't cover the saggy baby belly I am left with, or it has a stain or it is too tight...you know what I mean.. WELL this so called 'house shirt' is NO LONGER a house shirt!!! I rejected it because it didn't hide saggy belly, but with dropping a few pounds AND my new amazing lift bras, I feel amazing today!!!!!!!

I have a LONG way to go but these little things make me feel GREAT!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ