Hell yeah I'm back!!!

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My mind is going a mile a minute right now. I feel GREAT but so so so sore. I'm back, hell yeah I'm back, I'm back, I'm back. It's the take no prisoners DID that I want to be...well maybe I'm just improving on one of my DID names. Whatever I'm doing, I knew there was no way I was missing a work out today.

I spent the day with my newly Wireless boy and my Patches boy at Field Station: Dinosaurs and had a great day.


Then SURPRISE....... the roommate turned into a "husband" for the first time in such a long time I should have him checked for entry points for where the alien entered him... He called that he was in the area and lets meet for dinner at IHop. HOLY MOLY!

I was so happy to see the calories listed on the menu!! I ordered the Veggie Omelette

Dinner took a while and for less than a minute I thought "I was active enough today don't need to work out" And THEN the host who's been working there forever said to me "You've lost weight" I smiled and said yes and knew I would come home and push myself to do that evil Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred.

Not only did I do the work out, I did level 2 and did the whole thing! I LOVE that my abs are so sore!! My arms hurt, my legs hurt and my butt hurts. I feel GREAT!!!!

Before


Sweating like a pig

Tomorrow I weigh in with my doctor. I haven't been there in a few weeks. I also haven't been 100% either, so I don't know if the scale will move at all. It's gone up and it's gone down the last few weeks. But I'm happy and really feel that fire to push myself past that number that has been scaring me.

Happy August 22nd!!!!

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When I left Anthony's eye doctor in July, I had a surgery date of August 8th. I then had to change Alexander's heart doctor appointment which was schedule for Aug 8th also. When they gave me the next available date I thought to myself, my lucky number 22 won't let me down.

I ended up changing Anthony's eye surgery so he could enjoy the rest of the summer and go swimming, but I didn't call Alexander's doctor to change the appointment back. I just felt my 22 would take care of me and the monitor would be coming off.

At last the day was here. I had expected to take Anthony with me but at the last minute he stayed with my mother. I knew FOR SURE it was coming off because every major important thing with Alexander, I have been the only one there with him. So off to the doctors I went, nervous and excited but confidant it was coming off.

Here Alexander is taking a little nap right before we left.


Here we are getting ready to leave.


Waiting in the waiting room

Having the exam
Woo Hoo GREAT NEWS - I'm too sexy for my monitor, too sexy for my monitor!!!

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I was so excited I didn't even get that bothered by the saboteur's annoying remarks later on in the afternoon when we did errands.

When I came home I made an anniversary dinner for the roommate and Anthony. Then to celebrate I did 30 minutes of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. I am so happy that after not doing it for a while I was still able todo the jumping jacks and get through the whole DVD! yippie for me.

Here I am before my work out


And Sweating like a pig


I am really proud of myself that I didn't let the day get away from me and miss my work out! Now I'm going to play with photo shop for a little while and got to bed early.

My walking buddy

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I must say I'm shocked by the scale today. I totally didn't expect to even see it go down. When I get upset I shove food in my mouth. And I've been upset a lot lately. Even tonight... right now the roommate is fighting with Anthony.

The roommate left the door open, I closed it and asked him why he didn't close the door. In a typical child like manner he said "Anthony was the one who was behind me" Really? blaming the child for not closing the door? It's this every day stuff that has just gotten to me over the years!

Anyway I was super pleased with myself today at the weigh in despite my need to eat food when I'm mad. I'm 7.5 pounds away from my next goal.. and I'm going to push hard for these 7.5lbs and that means focus, determination and blogging every day!

If you don't see a new post by me in the morning then YELL AT ME!! Got that Cheryl? 

I went to the eye doctor today for the first time in about 20 years. Alexander was with me all day while Anthony stayed home with the saboteur.  He was so good all day with me.
I didn't know they were going to dilate my eyes. I drove home very slowly and couldn't move around because I couldn't see! I don't know how Anthony deals with his eye problems!! He had to help me walk into the kitchen to get him a drink.

I called the roommate and put it in terms he understood. GET YOUR ASS HOME I CAN'T SEE. To my surprise that worked, he got home about 5:40pm and I slept off the dizzy feeling I had from seeing blurry.

At 8pm I woke up, changed my clothes and out the door I went for a walk with Twiggy. I am so happy she lives around the corner! It's so much better to walk with someone else.

The moon was AWESOME tonight! My cell phone didn't get a good photo but it was great. I hope you got to see it if you were out tonight.

I am feeling good, strong and determined... I haven't felt this good in a few months. I want to meet this next goal before the end of the month!

Day 88 - the waiting game

At midnight I was trying to wait and see if Alexander would stop crying. I know the poor kid is teething. If I got up and stood near the crib he would stop crying. As soon as I walked away he would cry!

I got back into bed and to my surprise Anthony shows up in the bedroom.
"Mommy I can't sleep with him crying"
"Me either. He wants to have a party"
With that Anthony goes by the crib and starts talking to Alexander... this is what I remember
"It's okay brother, it's okay. Calm down. Calm down. We can have a party tomorrow. We can make a cake, we will hide and then jump out and yell SURPRISE! Because that's what you do at parties. Now go to sleep and stop crying"

It was the sweetest moment! I need to start sleeping with my camera, never mind my cell phone, so I don't miss moments like this.

Then all night long the saboteur who's been in Las Vegas for a week had to keep texting me "waiting for the bus to the airport", "waiting at the gate", "waiting on the plane to take off", "landed waiting to get our luggage" OMG WHO CARES! She didn't care about the time difference that's for sure. She's home now, which means I must avoid her at all costs until Sunday so she doesn't piss me off.

Of course nothing goes as planned and this morning Anthony was coughing so bad at 6am, the roommate called him out of school. I gave him his cough meds and he watched TV. Alex woke up at 10:30, got him a bottle and settled, checked on Anthony at 11 and he was asleep!

I quickly changed into my new work out gear and put in my Jillian Micheals No More Trouble Zones DVD. My trouble zones are happy to report I did the whole DVD and really pushed myself.

I did 2 sets of 32 jumping jacks
I didn't count how many push ups in plank, but I did a few
I also switched out one set of  surrenders for some burpees!
I'm so proud of myself!!!!!!!

The whole time I kept saying "You're Spartan training, keep going". I just need to keep pushing myself as hard as I can! I was really sweating like a pig when I was done and couldn't wait to get in the shower.



Next in my day of waiting, the stupid cheap acetone I have didn't take off my wraps. I had my nails soaking and waited and waited but nothing!

I am glad I didn't have to wait another day to work out my demon problems xoxoxo

The saboteur came up to see the boys late in the day. I didn't want her to know we were taking the boys for pictures. So while I was waiting for the roommate to come home I cut the boys hair. The saboteur took the pictures. When I saw myself in the new green tank top I wasn't disgusted by myself!



The roommate got home and showered then started getting dressed. He came to find me and asked if he was suppose to wear his suit. Sometimes I don't know how I stop myself from screaming. I told him the boys were having pictures not us! And even so, if he opened his eyes, the boys were in jeans and a t-shit and so was I!!! So he can wear his suit, he'll fit right in. I had to wait for him and then off we went.

They took cute photos. I'm really happy. I do have to go back because all the pictures weren't on the CD.



I sent the roommate to the restaurant where we are having the Christening while I waited for the photos to be printed. Of course he had to call to double check what he was suppose to do.

I wonder how it's going to feel to one day have a life where if I say something someone listens to me. I don't mind repeating myself if I was unclear with the directions. And lets face it we don't always listen so once in a while to repeat yourself okay. BUT EVERY SINGLE TIME he is out doing anything he has to call and check! Is he that unsure of himself or doesn't care, doesn't listen? I don't get it!

I'm about to write my to do list for tomorrow and then go to bed. Looking forward to hitting those trouble zones again!
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Days 79, 80, 81 and 82

OMG I'm almost done with my first 90 challenge and I'm a major slacker at the end. I didn't plan it this way, I thought I would be ready for my son's Christening not trying to get everything done in the last two weeks.

Sunday May 27 - Day 79

I took Anthony to Rachel's birthday party, monster mini golf. He had a great time with the games but didn't do to well with the golf part. He did like that we were glowing :-)


I had to run to the A&P after the party, no wonder the roommate said I'm having and affair when I go to the A&P I'm there ALL THE TIME! It would help if he put things on the list so I wouldn't have to keep stopping there. In fact it's usually him that calls and says "on your way home can you stop at the A&P"

I changed my clothes when I got home and worked the rest of the day on the Christening Video Montage for the Christening, in between cooking dinner and feeding Alexander. Another day he just couldn't be in charge and let me do what I do.

Here is some of the messages I sent out on Sunday when the roommate was stressing me out.

•  if a small bottle holds 4oz and a large bottle holds 8oz and Alex has 5oz per feeding...what size bottle do you use?

• if it's 2oz of water per scoop of formula and you use 3 scoops, how many oz of water do you add to the bottle?

By the end of the day Anthony started with a runny nose and being stuffy.

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Monday May 28 - Day 80

Monday I was determined to get the video DONE! I sent the roommate out on a mission. I wrote down all the directions and went over it 4x. See if you can follow me...

Go to Toys R Us

1. Get Anthony paint, make sure it has white and black in it.
2. Get him paper, look for a roll like we had or get the largest pad they make.
3. Look for new swings for our swing set. I saw the infant swing in Babies R Us, I'm sure they have it at Toys R Us, get a new infant swing and a regular swing. 
4. Use the Gift Cards (hand him $100 in gift cards)
5. Go to Dunkin Donuts get me a Decaf Iced Raspberry Coffee, cream no sugar.

He called a few times to check and double check on things, which is normal. If I write it down, if he writes it down, doesn't matter he is incapable of completing any task without double checking because he is so unsure of himself.

He called about the paint, then the swing...I figured it would be the coffee he messed up on, he would forget the Raspberry part, because after all it's only been my favorite flavor (unless it's pumpkin time) for the whole time we've been together, why would he remember what I like.

He came home, coffee was correct, had the paint, the paper, the swings.. wow! he did good...I asked him "How much was left on the gift cards?"
And there it was.. that's what he did wrong. He used our dept card to pay for all of it.
I did NOT have buying swings in our budget, I couldn't even let it go, he had to go back and make them credit our account and use the gift cards!!!
Well it's Wednesday and our dept card still hasn't been credited back the money he spent.  Guess I'll be calling Toys R Us.

I finished the video and sent it off to my cousin to check it. I just needed to take a few more pictures I wanted for the last song.

Anthony still had a runny nose so I decided to keep him home on Tuesday.

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Tuesday May 29 - Day 81  
Anthony slept Monday night with Nonna, you know her as the saboteur. Alexander had a 11am eye doctor appointment to check for the eye condition that Anthony has. I was trying not to get nervous and knew if he did have it, it would mean glasses and patches. I've been there and done that, but I was still worried.

The saboteur calls me at 9am to tell me she's sick *cough cough* with stomach pains *cough cough* and a a fever.. BUT SHE'S COUGHING!! No sore throat??? DRAMA!!! Every time she's sick with anything, all of the sudden she can't talk and has a sore throat! Guess what you can be sick and still talk, you don't have to make yourself sound like DEATH. 

When  I hear FEVER... if I think she's faking or not.. stay the HELL AWAY FROM MY PREEMIE!! My baby still gets shots to help him with his immune system. It's one thing to have mommy's germs who he's with every day, it's another to have crazy lady germs who says she has a fever.

I packed up what I needed, got everything in the van and went to get Anthony. She asks like death *cough cough* "I'm coming wait for me". I told her to say home, call the doctor and there was no way she was going near Alexander with a fever.  She says "Well how are you going to handle them" to which I snapped at her "The same way I always do, they are my boys I'll handle it" and left with the kids.

How am -I- going to handle it? She clearly doesn't see everything I'm doing for these two! If she had to take me or my brother to all the doctors like I have to take my boys from such an early age I don't think she would handle it well. She didn't seem to handle it well when my brother had ear infections all the time. She would get mad that he got sick in the middle of the night and threw up.

Anyway little Mr. Alexander is in the clear, no sign of amblyopia.



Tuesday night I went to work out and the AC wasn't working in the living room. No way I could work out with how hot it was. The roommate who's usually good for nothing, some how got it working again but it was late and my stupid fat ass decided to finish the video instead.

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Wednesday May 30 - Day 82

My plans in the morning were to drink my coffee and shake while watching the video one more time while giving Alexander his bottle. I did that... but then I just didn't like the song I used when Alexander came home from the hospital. So I spent all day AGAIN reworking the damn thing!

I did manage to put chicken in the crock pot and make my boys dinner while working on the montage AGAIN!!  Even Alex was watching what I was doing and I snapped this picture of him. So cute I ended the video with it.


At 3pm I'm happy to report the video montage was finished and ordered!!!! Wanna watch Alexander's Video Montage of his little life? click here

Anthony had a birthday party this evening at Chuck E. Cheese. I got the boys ready and we left at 5:30pm to get up there. I'm so glad the mom wasn't worried with Anthony having a runny nose.. but it has gotten better and I'm sending him to school tomorrow!

I got home about 9pm the boys both had a bath, went on Facebook for a bit and yelled at myself that I didn't work out again today! However while at the birthday party everyone was eating that...

And I ate this...


I might not be working out as much as I like this week, but I've been to two birthday parties and I did not eat anything I shouldn't.

And one last note to myself, since this blog is about my whole journey and my emotions are a big part of why I got like this...
Dear Lemon Police,
if the saboteur has upset me, and the roommate is pissing me off, haven't you learned by now, one wrong comment and I'm going to be a big crying mess?

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 75 - it's Wednesday? felt like Tuesday ;-)

Warning..high volume of photos today.

Waves to the lemon police ;-) that's why it feels like Tuesday....moving on

I'm not sure if it's the No More Trouble Zone's DVD or the fact that I didn't work out for 4 days, but I'm having trouble getting through to the end. When Alexander started crying 20 minutes into the work out, I was soooooooooooooooo glad! Work out called on the count of a crying baby yippee!



For only 20 minutes I am still sweating like a pig. This lady is killing me, but I am seeing results. I couldn't believe my eyes when I got out of the shower and was drying my hair.. my arms are getting defined!!! Look at my shoulder you can see it! You can see the muscles.



I got dressed when into my favorite t-shirt drawer and pulled out my Bon Jovi T-shirt that I never wore because I couldn't fit into! It's a little long, I wish I knew how to sew... that's on my bucket list, I really need to get on that and learn.



Anthony was already a brat on the bus, I should have known it was going to be a nightmare going out with him and the saboteur, but the coupon I had for Payless ended today and he really needed sneakers. So off we went.

I got myself a large iced coffee and off we went. As I snapped this photo, the man sitting on the bench, on the right side of my coffee picture, asked me why I took a picture of my coffee. I told him I blog every day. I wanted to say, because if I sent this picture to the roommate he would have NO idea what kind of coffee I have, but if I send it to the "boyfriend" he would know without a doubt!





As you can see Mr. Anthony was already his crazy self. He wanted to climb on the stop sign. As I took his picture I wish I had a sharpie with me so I could write above the word stop "Don't" and below it "Believing"



And here he is in Kohl's putting on a fashion show for me.



I tried on a few things. I did not get any of these dresses I didn't like how any of them looked and they were more money than the ones I have bought on zulily.com.



I was at Kohl's on a mission to find a handbag I saw on their site, but no luck, but I figured I'd just order it on line when I got home. So I started hunting for yellow stuff since that's the "IT" summer color this year and just happens to work well with my crazy lemon craze.

I like this shirt, size 1X, but dammit I am going to have to change this blog name to My Big Fat Stomach! I refuse to buy a 2x shirt because I am only going to lose more weight so at some point it will look better and until then I'll wear the spanks under it. Hey and the shorts size 16!!! go me ;-)



This is the other yellow shirt but this is a size 2X and it felt big everywhere.



I went out and got the 1X and it looks better don't you think? but ugh that stomach.. I need to work out harder.



Next onto yellow shoes...which sandal do like better? My purple toes have to go if I'm wearing these.



Anthony was so out of control by the time we were done, my face was red from holding him down. I even had to step on his harness when he got away from me in order to stop him from running out into the street.

When the roommate got home I put him in charge on Anthony, which is a joke. A lot more screaming and yelling took place until they both got to bed. And the headache that slowly started was still going strong after they both  went to sleep! Anthony needs to be in  a padded room sometimes.

I went on Facebook for a while and caught up with everyone's life. Cheryl posted a link about a girl who ran the spartan race. If you have time read her blog.

She really is inspiring, maybe I will be ready to race next June. I really liked the part of her story with her trainer putting the muddy hand print on her back and saying "I got your back". Which gave me an idea!!

I am going to get myself a few shirts and some fabric paint. I'm going to ask a few of my friends who have really been supportive of me to put their hand in the paint then on the back of my shirt.

So if you see me coming towards you with a dish, some paint, baby wipes to clean up and a shirt with a board in it, you'll know what's going on. Fair warning this is going to happen at the Christening!!!


I continued my "lemon shopping" on line.. and got the handbag I wanted ;-) Now the lemon police told me if I got anything with more than 3 lemons on it he would take a scissors and cut all but 3 lemons off... hope he doesn't do that to my new handbag.



I also found these!!!!!!!!!! prefect one lemon, can't get in trouble there. And I need new panties, mine are all to big.



I'm taking a big risk here.. I have a feeling there will be scissors involved..LMAO




That's it, that's my day. See you tomorrow.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 74 - Unhappyily Ever After

Seven years ago today we had our big stupid renewal of vows ceremony and reception spending $50k! Yes that's right, that's how much that F&^$en thing cost us and that's just my estimate because I never had the courage to add up all the bills.

I hated planning that day! When I cancelled it in '04 I should have just cancelled it and kicked his ass out! I should have known from his BS that he wanted a big wedding but when push came to shove he didn't have an opinion on anything! "Whatever you want" was what I heard a lot, which led me to the cancelling of the party in '04. I DIDN'T WANT IT! I didn't want that big wedding. I wanted a marriage!!!!!!!! Why oh why didn't I listen to my gut?   

For the past 4 years I have been hoping he would fight for us, fight for this marriage. But once again I am not important and invisible. I can't believe I married someone just like my mother! And I even told her that in yesterday's fight.

The roommate did call and wish me a happy anniversary.. UGH I said it back but could feel the tears forming so I got off the phone quick. I'm not happy and neither is he if he would be honest with himself. Something is very very wrong if we go months and months without being intimate!

I got Anthony on the bus and finally got to do a work out. Of course not working out for 4 days I couldn't handle getting all the way through the No More Trouble Zones!


I got myself dressed and ready to go to Costco when the stupid roommate got home. I called him 2 times to find out where he was.... he stopped off to talk to a guy at the other shop.

I would LOVE to just "stop off" some where to talk to someone and not have any care in the world to get home or check in. Finally he got in and Anthony and I went to pick up my Memorial Day cards.


I had most of the out of state envelopes ready and stamped. I put the cards in while in the parking lot of Costco then drove to the post office to mail them. Well Anthony mailed them :-)



I'll finish the rest tomorrow and get them in the mail.

This was a shitty Tuesday.. no lemon police either! And that just makes me more sad :(

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 73 - I blew up at the saboteur!

I was planning on working out after Anthony went to school, however the stupid DVD player was stuck and I couldn't get it to open. It only happens when a DVD is left in there for a day and the player isn't turned off.

So you can just guess who watched something on Sunday and didn't remove the disc! For whatever reason the thing just spins and spins and doesn't open. You have to unplug it, but the plug is behind the entertainment center where I can't reach. So I had to wait for the stupid roommate who cause the problem to come home and fix it.

I got Anthony off to school when the saboteur asked me to print a list of every restaurant in Disney World, because her girlfriend needed a recommendation of where to eat. WTF?! -every restaurant-??? I don't know about you but if someone asks for a recommendation it's one or two places, not every single place to eat.

From this bullshit and moodiness I was feeling about the DVD play and loneliness from yesterday I just let her have it with everything that has been building up inside me.

I started with when I was pregnant and her planning to go to Disney World just 3 weeks before my due date.. and as it turned out I had Alexander early... just like I said to her when she started planning, but Disney World is her favorite place on earth and nothing else matters.

Also yelled at her that she paid for that whole trip for my brother and had the balls to send me pictures of what they were doing when I was laying in bed being uncared for and unfed by the roommate trying to recover from my hysterectomy.

I asked her how many times I took care of her when she has had surgery. Her answer was ALL OF THEM. When I asked her how many times she took care of me when I had surgery, her answer was NONE! - that's right because I DON'T FUCKEN COUNT!!!! 

What is wrong with a mother that she wouldn't take care of her child when she's sick? Only ONCE she took care of me when I was hurt and that was when I was 28yrs old. And even then she couldn't be bothered taking me to all my doctors, she had my father do it.

I let her have it for also not giving a shit about me or my new baby on Thanksgiving when I was desperately trying to get both the roommate and I down to the hospital to talk to the doctors about the diagnosis with Alexander, but she was going "OUT" and that was so much more important than the health of her new baby grandson.

And how she planned a trip to go away for Christmas and DIDN'T TELL ME! I found out when my aunt called to invite me for Christmas Eve dinner. That makes holiday #2 that she didn't give a shit about me or her new grandson.

I yelled at her for leaving me alone on Mother's day and making plans again with my brother and not including me.   Her reason for this was because I told her I didn't want to know what my brother was doing... she forgot one important thing. I don't want to know what he's doing in his BUSINESS! the one he fired me from and blames me for everything that went wrong because half the clients LEFT because they didn't want to deal with HIM when I wasn't there!

Then I let her have it for eating Easter dinner with me and then calling my brother to make plans to go to Disney World AGAIN from Oct 25 to Nov 3.. which means she's missing Alexanders 1st Halloween AND HIS BIRTHDAY!!!

Now all of the sudden she doesn't know if she can afford to go to Disney World again. She's staying with my vacation points, so she just has to get herself down there, get her park tickets and food. WTF ohh maybe she doesn't want to pay for my brother again. Who the hell knows.

I am so sick of her. Her big response was "I can never do anything right by you" NO YOU CAN'T!

I spent the rest of the day moody and kept to myself.. deeding May 22!! Not even my lemons made me smile.







Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$