Day 57 - Weekends SUCK around here

While most families do SOMETHING on the weekends I can't remember the last time we did anything special at all. I call him the damn roommate for a reason! He doesn't even think about his kids and it just makes me moody.. no it makes me moodier!!

It really turns my stomach and then I cry that I read my friends have gone to the movies, out to dinner, at dairy queen, on a date night with their husband.. no not here, not EVER!  Last time the roommate and I went to a movie was when I BEGGED him to go see Back to the Future when they re-released it. That was a year and half ago.

Luckily Anthony had a great day with Nonna. He slept over with her last night. It was the first time he slept with her, well unless you want to count the one night she took him when he was 2 months old so I could sleep the night. He even went with her to Costco and Pet Co and had a lot of fun!

He came upstairs when she went to church and he's been watching movies since. I'm glad he had a great day. Tomorrow I plan on doing some errands including going to Home Depot.

Tonight I have to stay up late tonight because The Amazing Digi Scrap Race starts in just 4 hours!! And it's the Lemon Police's birthday tomorrow. I have to wish him Happy Birthday at midnight, even if he's asleep.

I did my work out and I'm DYING! My arms are so sore, my body really hurts. I hurt so much that I had to go lay down for an hour. I didn't get a good nap, because Alexander was crying and for whatever reason that kid just doesn't like the roommate either.

Before




Sweating like a pig




I'm going to head on over to NDISB.com now and see what's going on. I have to make sure I have my list of teams to check and do some last minute things including posting my detour challenge. As a matter of fact I'm heading over to NDISB.com right now.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 50 - took the day off to scrap

sometimes you just need a day off and today was my day off. I took care of my sons and scrapped all day. I'm STILL not done with everything I need to do for ADSR. I have to start my detour challenge. But I have to finish the collab kit for May and that's due on Monday! UGHH why did I wait until the last minute.

Here's the template I created today for my monthly template challenge at NDISB

Alexander is very cranky from getting his preemie shots yesterday so he's still up and I have Baby Eisenstein First Sounds on for him. The minute he's sleeping I'm going to call it a night and go lay in bed and ready 50 Shades of Grey.

Tomorrow FIRST THING will be my work out! Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 48 - 6 weeks to go

I have 6 more weeks to go until my personal 90 day challenge is over. Since I started on March 9th I have pushed myself to work out more, be extra careful if I eat out, started doing exercise moves I never thought I'd be able to do like surrenders and plank push ups and I went down two sizes! And today I noticed when I look down my stomach doesn't stick out further than my boobs.

I am totally amazed at this woman I am becoming.

I forgot to take my before picture again!!! I was trying to make sure I got my work out in before Tornado Tony came home from school.


Overall it's been a quiet afternoon with Tony hanging out with Nonna, you know her as The Saboteur.  The Roommate is on his way home, I already made him dinner so maybe he'll just leave me alone all night! I have to put together my challenge for The Amazing Digital Scrap Race, which starts on Boyfriend's birthday.

Oh they are playing a game over in the forums at the Amazing Digital Scrap Race where you have to come up with a new meaning for ADSR.
imagine you have no idea what does it means and you have only the first word :
Amazing
D.....
S.....
R.....

here are my two answers
Amazing
Discipline
Sees
Results 

Amazing
Disconnected
Soulmates
Reconnect 


Hope you have a good evening and I will see you back here tomorrow after my weigh in!
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 39 - I almost forgot to work out!

I got so busy working on things for The Amazing Digital Scrap Race that I almost forgot to work out.  I put my shorts and tank top on when the roommate came home, but ended up working on stuff for the race that I totally forgot!

Plus the roommate was annoying me even more than usual. I told him I couldn't stand how he talks to our son that he should just put duct tape on his mouth from the minute he walks in the door. I wish he would just work more hours and leave us alone. I swear I do better without him. He never listens to me anyway!

Just now after my workout I went in by him and told him to listen for the baby. I know it's late and he's tired, but the baby is on an apnea monitor because he stops breathing.  I jumped in the shower for all of 5 minutes came out to find that he shut the bedroom door and put the AC on. How the hell did he think he would hear the alarm if it went off?? I guess it doesn't matter I hear it when I'm in the shower. There have been just too many times that it's gone off and I've had to jump out of the shower to go rescue my little boy.

I'm so happy I have friends and family and boyfriends who make me smile.  Because if I didn't I would have jumped out a window long ago living with this roommate! He makes everything so stressful, meanwhile I can laugh for months over a silly stupid joke about a 3 lemon limit.

Then today I heard a silly thing about salt on TV told the story to someone else so now I'm laughing over lemons and salt. Next thing I know boyfriend asks "where is the tequila?" and I realized I have never had tequila!

I was telling a girlfriend about the salt story and the lemon joke, so she tells me I need to "suck it, lick it and slam it" I couldn't stop laughing. I was smiling all day over that AND Eddie Murphy's Goognie Goo Goo





So over all I had a good day, laughed a lot, talked to a few friends, got some scrap stuff done and worked out!

Here are my before and after work out photos





I'm going to work on a few more things for the ADSR7 and then take a nap. See you tomorrow.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 35 - I made it through the day, NOW I'M CRYING

Sometimes I don't know how I got here, and other times like today, I can still feel that pathetic sad little girl inside of me who longed to have her parents treat her like they treated her brother, to have someone see how much I was hurting and help her through life. I wish I had someone to guide me, tell me I was strong enough, tell me I could do it, show me how I could do it.

I used to want a time machine to go back to get that boyfriend I'm always talking about, but I need the time machine to go back and help little me grow up. She needs to know she's strong, she doesn't need food to shove in her mouth when she was scared, lonely or insecure. The first people who came into my life and told me I was worth something didn't show up until I was 19 years old. I could have used them around age 5 when I started hearing how fat I was.

Today I started out feeling good about myself, I even took a picture in the bathroom and thought I'm starting to look good. My brother who never normally doesn't have anything nice to say to me, said I was looking good.



I did so much better at the wake than I thought I would, I think mostly because it was a closed casket. My cousin looked so drained, I don't know how he is holding it together, I would be in the next room in the other casket if one of my boys died. I still cry over the babies I should have had but didn't make it to term.

So many people, so many flowers. One set of flowers was from another student who went to college with my younger cousin, the card said something like "You are among the stars" and it was from someone in his astronomy class.

I ordered flowers yesterday, because I know that's what my mom would have done. I made sure it said Great Nephew on the ribbon for her.


When everyone left at 4:30, my brother, my boys and I stayed a few more minutes and took pictures of the flowers and all the photos around the room to show our mom. When my mom gets home from her trip next week it's going to be hard for her that she wasn't here, but there was no way to get her home from where she was in time for tomorrow's funeral.

I got back home at 5:25pm, just enough time to have a shake, get Anthony a snack, change Alexander, put a show on for them to watch, fix my hair and make up, text a few people until Ed got home from work. He watched the boys tonight so I didn't have to bring them with me again. I should have left him instructions on how to take care of his boys!! He gets a big F

More people were there tonight, a lot of cousins from my mom's side. Even my cousin Chris, the one who cooked me dinner last Saturday was there.

We started heading home around 9:45pm, when my brother decided it was a good idea to start talking about the problems between us. Our relationship is never going to go back to the way it was, and frankly I don't want to talk about what happen because I resent him over it.

Then that pathetic sad little girl in me showed up!!! I think I should go back to therapy or boyfriend should mail that demon fighting card to me so I can handle when pathetic sad little girl comes back. Somehow he made me feel like it's my fault and I didn't even remember some of the things he said, or the order in which he said they happened. His problem with me and my problem with him are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!

Listen I'm not saying I didn't play a part in what went down between us, but I don't need to write myself notes to remember to say THANK YOU to people who help me, like he had to do to remember to say thank you to me. See how unimportant I am to my immediate family!!??

When you hear me say Thank you and I love you, I mean it! When I love, I love with All my Love All My Life

In case I didn't say it this week, THANK YOU, to the ones I'm closest with.
Thank you for helping me through this week.
Thank you for stopping me from eating the chocolate cake.
Thank you for sending text messages.
Thank you for sending jokes.
Thank you for the phone calls and facebook posts.

When I finally got in around 11:20pm, sure enough, the roommate, still had both boys up. Come on *smacks head* how could he not get that Anthony needed to be in bed hours ago? He really needs instructions on how to take care of his boys.

I didn't care what time it was, I needed to work out. I needed to shake pathetic sad little me out and get strong me back. So with my makeup still on, I did my jumping jacks, crunches, reverse crunches, push ups, butt kicks and squats with that evil Jillian Michaels 30 day shred.  I have been doing this 30 days, and there is still a lot more of me to shred but hey I got my dress zipped!!





Even when I got out of the shower, Anthony still wasn't settled and in bed. It's going to be hard, but I can do a much better job alone than with the roommate's help.. Hey wait didn't I rename him The Stranger last night?

 Speaking of last night, I ended up staying up until  5am watching Firefly because my boyfriend told me too *wink* in order to finishing my part of the scrap kit for the Amazing Digital Scrap Race, which will be starting on May 1st on ndisb.com. I have to admit I did eat some bread and butter for a snack while working. Here is what I worked on.






I didn't get much sleep, but I normally don't anyway with the baby's alarm going off all the time. I'm heading to bed right now and will be up in 5 short hours to get ready for the funeral.


Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 34 - in a fog

I spent most of last night not sleeping, then I slept late today. Good thing the boys slept too! I then spent the afternoon, getting directions to the funeral home, ordering flowers, checking to see if the boys had something to wear, calling the church to get mass cards and checking in with my brother in between all of it. I broke down buying sympathy cards in Apollo.

When the roommate aka husband, got home..I think a better name for him is The Stranger, because even a real roommate would know me better than he does... we did some errands and did a little food shopping. 

I some how got my 30 minute work out in and really pushed myself and did Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. 





I don't know how am going to be tomorrow, I'm not sure how I am today. I don't know if I'll work out, I don't know if I'll blog. This is going to be really hard and I hope I can hang in there.

I have to finish working on my part of the digi scrap kit for The ADSR7 and I have to finish it tonight! So I need to make myself a cup of tea or coffee and get scrapping.

I'm really going to need support for a while to get my mojo back with my diet, working out and just life. I know I can count on my friends. You guys are the best. I love you.. but I love my boyfriend the most xoxox

Oh there's no weigh in tomorrow. Dr. Ransom is on vacation, but I would have had to cancel anyway to go to the wake.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 19 - You did great Mommy

My girlfriend Jenn called me this morning. Hi JENN!!! I had a great time talking to her, and then I realized the boys were still sleeping so I gotta jump on getting my workout in. Go me!!!
About 15 minutes into Anthony got up and was standing at the door watching me. He told me I was doing really good, but then said "Mommy your belly is still fat." Well he told me!!

I told him that's why I'm working out, so my belly isn't fat anymore. He watched me finish my work out and cheered me on, but I think he only cared about me getting done so he could watch Max and Ruby...lol

Here I am sweating like a pig after, but I am feeling GREAT!!!!

One of the things I look forward to every day is wearing a new t-shirt. Well, they aren't new, they have been living in the bottom of my dresser for years. They are all different sizes ranging from XL to 2XL. I have looked at them for years wondering if I'll ever be able to wear them again.



Here's the shirt I wore yesterday
I remember when I bought that shirt, I think I wore it once because it was too tight.


My t-shirt goal is to wear this one! I've been saving it since 1985 because most of my life I wished I had a time machine, because I know right who I would go back to get. My FUTURE is looking great these days, doesn't look like I needed that time machine to get to where I wanted to be after all... but I still would like to wear this t-shirt again! I am happy to say I can GET IT ON!!! Which is a really big deal because the last time I TRIED to put it on, I couldn't at all!!!

Time for me to do a little scrapping. Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 12 is here!

 HEY YOU>>> YOU WHO BOOKMARKED THIS PAGE...BOOKMARK MY HOME PAGE INSTEAD

 

 

 

Twelve days in a row I have worked out. It's a wonderful feeling to have this new me showing up every day. Today I'm tired because I stayed up late working on my April Template Challenge for NDISB.com and going over the ideas for the ADSR7 which I'm all excited about. This is my all time favorite competition to scrap in.

My evil scale is back to it's old tricks, but it's up because I had a snack last night. I was so hungry since I was up so late. I had a fiber on bar around 2:30am so hopefully tomorrow it will be back where it was yesterday. Or I am going to take the scale and throw it out the window into the backyard for pissing me off! - see don't mess with me in the mornings when I'm tired and haven't had my coffee!! ((I can hear someone teasing me for how I say coffee! I'm a Jersey Girl Dammit!))

so here's super tired me blogging right now


I'm going to finish my coffee and work out because my little boy's Christening is in 82 days! My Challenge is over a few days before and then I'll start a NEW CHALLENGE because I'm lovin this new go get them attitude.

I keep thinking about when Cheryl posted she was running during her lunch hour. HOLY MOLY!! I want to run.. but if I do that now I'll have boobs flying and hitting me in the face...lol But that is one of my goals.Cheryl when I'm ready to train I'll let you know.

How awesome would it be? Maybe I could run from my house to the doctor's office for a weekly weight in. Wait......... how far is that?..........map quest here I come...........6 miles............. I wonder how long I would have to train to do that? I will find out one day when I don't have a big fat @$$.

Time to move my big fat @$$ and wait for another pair of jeans to fall off!


after - sweating like a ---- what? you should know by now if you are reading my blog.


Every time Jillian Micheals says "it should be burning" I think SUNBURN, then I think SUMMER, then I think about the next CONVENTION I'm planning to go to and I push harder to work out.

This afternoon I'm heading to AAA with my mom. She needs to pick up her Euros and I'm going to check on flights for my trip in July. I hate to fly but at least I know I'll fit in the seat!

Day 13... you're only a day a way!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$