Day 46 - I have NOTHING to wear!

I did my work out shortly after Anthony went to school. I pushed harder and was able to do 4 push ups in plank position. I remember when I couldn't even hold myself up in plank and that was just in January. Tomorrow I will try for 5, but I know it will take a few days to get it. I like these physical fitness goals I give myself, it makes my journey about being healthy and fit not just a number on the scale.

Here I am at my computer getting ready to work out and here I am with my cheering section that fell asleep while watching me work out.
As I was getting dressed to go get a hair cut I really am having problems finding things to wear that fit me correctly. My jeans are all too big. The pair I'm wearing right now are so loose, I can pull them up to my bra!  They are baggy around the knees, they just look horrible. Which is FREAKING me out because tomorrow I am volunteering at my son's school and the last thing I want to look like is a slob. So I think after I get my hair cut I'm going to go to the Avenue and see if I can find a better pair of jeans. I just can't wait to go shopping on May 12 with Jenn, just no way!
Can you tell my jeans are big in this picture???
Jackie at Moda Salon did my color, cut and blow out in less and 2 hours. I love my hair. The roommate was home by then so I dropped Alex off to him to go on my mission to find jeans. Off to the Avenue where I brought 6 pairs of jeans into the dressing room to try on.
None of those jeans worked so off to Lane Bryant I went. The woman working there all helped me find straight leg petite jeans, in the dressing room and was thrilled to get my big fat ass into those 18!! They are just a little snug around the hips but no way was I buying a 20! These 18s will last me all summer until the autumn when I will go shopping for a smaller size GRIN!!
I was so happy I looked for a new shirt, the lady handed me a 14/16!! She's crazy I took the 18/20 in the dressing room. Here I am in the 18 jeans and 18/20 shirt.

I walked out of the dressing room and now two woman are telling me the shirt is too big and tell me to try on the 14/16 All I see is my big fat belly, so now they give me a pair of spanks and send me back in. This time I try on the purple shirt.

Yeah it looks better but I still see my big fat belly. I need to do more crunches, reverse crunches and bicycle crunches. I might have to try that Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack again. It was so hard for me I couldn't do most of the moves, so I will add it to the 30 shred and do what I can.

I started talking with the sales lady about how long she's worked there and I said I've been shopping here for almost 20 years. She said she didn't remember seeing me before. Then since I was THE QUEEN OF THE NILE over what size shirt, she asked me about my diet. I really need to start carrying a before picture with me, so I took out my drivers license to show her. 

She looked at the picture then looked up at me and said "I know the woman in that photo but I don't know you" WOW!! And that pretty much is how I feel. I don't know this new kick ass me who's working out and has fitness goals BUT I LIKE HER!!!   

Next I try on the red shirt because I wasn't sure which color I liked
SOLD! love the red one. Even my smile was bigger. There was one last shirt I like so I tried that on too. Still a little tight but I took it. I like having GOAL CLOTHES it makes me work harder. 


Speaking of "goal clothes" this is the Quest For The Dress. I'm aiming for this to be my 'mid summer's night dream' goal dress :-) I would love to wear it when I go away mid July.

One last thing I tried on tonight.. which was really the first thing I tried on, when I went to Costco to pick up a photo card order I designed for Twiggy.

Eli who works in the photo center was busy helping a crazy lady so I waited for him to be finish and checked out the jewelry. I love love LOVE this ring, the shape of the stone, the color of the stone, which is for November which is a very special month to me and I like the diamonds around it and on the band.
The ring ALMOST fit my finger, so I asked what size it was...a SEVEN!  My Wedding band is a 9 1/2. I stopped wearing it when I started calling him The Roommate so I had no idea my rings wouldn't fit me either. I think the only ring I have in a 7 is my high school class ring.

I guess when I said the only thing that fits me is my shoes, I wasn't lying, and that's because Jenn and I just bought shoes 2 weeks ago.

I can't wait to work out tomorrow morning... OMG did I just type that?? I can't wait to WORK OUT???!!!! 

See you tomorrow after the Art Show.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 26 - workout 1

Sigh!! workout day ONE! 1!! I better not get sick again until after this challenge is over or someone is going to get it. So I guess I have another goal to work out more than 22 days in a row... trying to put a positive spin on it.

Today I went to my friends Denise and Twiggy's grandmother's funeral. It was very emotional and moving, then of course I miss my grandma. And with tomorrow being my birthday I miss her more. She started taking me out on my birthday after my first husband left me and continued until the year she got sick and past away. I still miss her so much.

Anyway here is my fat ass ready to go to the funeral

and here I am in the same shirt 2 weeks before having Alexander

If I had someone to take my picture by the door I would have done it so it would be the same pose. That saboteur of mine still says she can't see a difference. Clearly you can see how pregnant I was, shouldn't she see that? grrr I am not happy with her today!!! so moving on...
I ran to Bromilow's to get Easter candy to mail to friends in Maine and North Carolina. I put this on to run out the door. The consensus is that it's too big and I should learn to sew...OHHH JENN!!!!!!!!!

I finally got my work out in after 9pm tonight!! Here I am before

Look at me doing push ups. Man these kill. Still can't stay up in plank position but there was a time I couldn't do these at all.

Done! Sweating like a pig

I have my baby on my lap trying to finish today's blog before midnight, counting down the last few minutes of being 42... hello 43!
wonder who's going to say Happy Birthday first? bet you anything it's the boyfriend who makes me smile the most.
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Day 6 - moody b!t(h from hell

WHY HASN'T MY SCALE MOVED????????????? it is still UP 2lbs WTF!?! Is anyone reading my blog???

If I wasn't working so hard I would say it was because I wasn't putting enough effort in, but come on, this is going to be the 6th day I work out in a row and there's no change. If I keep working out this will work right??? That size 18 dress seems so far away right now.

My shakes are all set up for the day with my vitamins. (pic taken at 9am)


Time to get my monkey on the bus, the other monkey fed then I'll be back to work out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My phone rang, I heard an email come in and my cell went off a few times, but I just kept working out! I realized that I will have to go to work one day and these few years I have home with the boys are my time to learn to eat right, exercise and get myself in shape. I have to learn all these things now so then I am maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not fighting to lose weight and work full time.

Just finished my day 6 workout..am I thin yet? (pic taken at 2:30pm)

And for the first time EVER I met my goal for minutes to work out in a week. BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE!!!!!!! or maybe a comment or two.

Time to hit the shower, give my baby a bath, get my big one home from school and off to vision therapy tonight, then out with Tara for her birthday.. don't worry I won't cheat, I'll just have coffee :-)


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Day 5 - is that really me?

I saw friends over the weekend and we were looking at a wedding picture from their wedding. I asked her to email me pictures from her wedding because I had to look at myself again. I am at my heaviest weight here, not counting when I was pregnant with the boys, add 30lbs.

I see a big difference! I really need to get the "saboteur" out of my head because you can too see I lost weight!! She's just BLIND!!

Me Sept 5 2005

me in the dressing room on Saturday March 10, 2012


You can really see the difference in my face. left is from 2009 6 months before I started my diet. The right is from March 2012 and as I was taking the picture I was thinking "Oh My God I'm pregnant"


Today I'm going to work out to Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6! I'm even working out earlier than normal. go me!!!

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It's all a head game!

I am getting ready for my work out. My music is ready. The older one is on the bus and I started thinking.. wouldn't it be WONDERFUL if my baby boy Alex looks at pictures of me from before he was born and his first year and says "Mommy I don't remember you being fat!"

That would be so much better than all the things that were said to me growing up from my family...
"You would be so pretty IF, you lost weight"
"When are you going to start reducing?"

And one of my favorite memories (not) is when my cousins picked me up and carried me into the bathroom to weigh me just to make fun of me FOREVER and to my face sing this stupid song that used to make me cry "The fat's on the fire"

THEY ALL NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get out, get out, get out I say. I am NOT that person anymore. I don't need food to make me feel better. And F%(& Y@U I AM PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now it's time for my work out and my #1 fan to make cute cooing sounds from the pack n play as he watches mommy.


Game face on, music ready and Jillian Michaels ready to kick my big fat ass!


Day 4 here I come!

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Day 3 of 90 Challenge

I did my workout.. holy cow I can't believe how I'm pushing myself. I put Jillian Michaels on mute and play some of my favorite music. I don't have songs downloaded like the rest of the world so I have to find the songs that push me on youtube, set each video up in a new window and click play on each as I go. Sounds crazy but I do what I have to do when I don't have exactly what I need.

Here's my workout music play list:
Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Katy Perry - Firework (this is my theme song for the year)
Bondie - Maria (that's my name!)
Taio Cruz - Dynamite
The Corrs - Breathless
Cobra Starship - You Make Me Feel
Hot Chelle Rae - I Like It Like That

me before

me after


I also tried finding a countdown ticker or widget for my blog. I just wanted it to show how many days. I came across the vacation widget by HotelsCombined.com that is exactly what I wanted but I'm not counting down to a vacation. I put the dates in and started laughing that it says "I'm off in"...because really I'm trying to get ME off ME!! I think it's perfect!

To all my friends out there that keep saying "I have to lose weight" GET UP AND MOVE TODAY! I can't believe my FAT ASS is doing jumping jacks.

My shoulders hurt, my legs are burning...but that thin girl inside me really wants to get out! And she wants a little black dress

See you tomorrow!

The Quest for the Dress 2012

I knew I wanted to wear a dress for my son's Christening in June, I just figured I would go shopping in May to find something. Until the Lane Bryant spring catalog came in the mall. I fell in love with the dress and purple sweater on the cover. It has an iris print on it and iris is one of my favorite flowers. Of course my saboteur told me the dress was too busy.

Here's the dress:


I posted the dress to my facebook page and a few of my friends said "get it" but the saboteur still gets to me. After the 4th person said you would look good, I decided at the spur of the moment when running errands yesterday to go try it on.


The feedback from my friends was great! I came home very happy, with my size 22 dress, big difference from when I started dieting I was wearing a 32!! We had friends over for dinner and I put the dress on for them to see. They also liked it on me a lot.

When I took it off I realized it has a zipper, which I did NOT use to put the dress on!!! I started thinking, with pushing myself to exercise come June, this dress is going to be too big, I need a size 20!

This morning I called a few Lane Bryant stores until the lady in Clifton went out of her way to help me. When I told her I have been dieting and exercising and have lost 21 pounds from Jan. She said "Honey if you lose another 20lbs you will be in a size 18"

The lady found the dress for me in a 20 and because of what she said, I also have a size 18 on hold. I will pick up the dresses on Wednesday and I have a 60 return window. May 5th I need to decide which dresses are going back and which I'm keeping.

One thing I know for sure, that size 22 is going BACK!!!!!

And now it's time for my workout!! It's Day 3 of my 90 day challenge.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

4th day of working out

I was so tired this morning. The baby was so fussy. I didn't get a good night's sleep with the fuss pot, the 2am feeding and the 7am feeding.. and the wondering man I am currently married to had the nerve to tell me he was tired after going to bed at 10pm! I will give him tired, come here let me kick you in the face.. wait I can't get my leg up that high yet! Dammit..I will work on that.

I got on the scale and the number went down.. so I put my game face on

and did Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6® start it up. There was no way I could do Jillian Michael's another day.

In the afternoon I went over to visit with my aunt and cousins. My uncle had open heart surgery today.... it runs in the family so I need to get this weight OFF now. I don't want to die in my 60's like my grandfather.

I felt really good when I got dressed, I'm feeling strong and determined. I snapped this photo of myself in the van on the drive over to my aunts.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

pictures from today

the only photo I took during the work out

my sweaty face before I jumped in the shower

my set up of shakes for the day

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Day 3 of working out

Dear old you,
You can do it. I'm thin now. Don't give up. I know it's hard but it will get easier, you'll be able to work out longer, you'll even have heavier weights to use, cute work out clothes too. Believe in yourself, remember your theme song to keep you going when your legs and arms are burning.
In 18 short months you'll take your kids to a water park and won't feel like a beached whale. Keep up the good work, you are awesome! Just keep believing in a better future for yourself.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

I did it!

I did the 24 minutes of the "start it up" section of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 I really like that there is a countdown clock for the whole work out and each area we are working on also has it's own clock. That really helped to keep me going.

After 10 minute I wanted to stop but just pushed myself. I even put my camera on its timer to get a few pictures. I just looked at the pictures and HATE how I look. But isn't that the point? I hate how I look so I am doing something about it. I decided to post one of the pictures to keep myself motivated.

I need to keep going. I don't want to miss out on fun stuff with my boys because mommy is too fat. I want to ride a bike with my boys, take them to a water park and take a trip on a plane without worrying if I will fit in the seat.

Losing weight also means cuter clothes, maybe getting checked out once in while and better sex *grin*!!!

so here's to me on my first work out day and sticking to my diet. Now I need a shower!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

down 3.5 this week!!!

Totally amazing!! I knew I felt it but I thought it would be 1.5 MAYBE 2lbs not 3.5. I started crying when the scale showed the number. I even asked "is that right?"

Now I really need to make it my mission this week to work out again. I should just stop what I'm doing and when I put my older one on the bus do a work out. Okay that's the plan for Monday... 1pm put a work out dvd in and do my best.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

Hello out there!

If you wondered where the heck I went, here's the answer

I found out I was pregnant and of course you can't diet while pregnant.
My baby boy was born via emergency c-section at 34 weeks gestation.
here's a video I put together

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

I'm back on my diet! I changed my weight ticker to my weight on the day I gave birth. Today is my first weigh in and I'm excited.
My first goal is to get back into the jeans I was wearing the day I found out I was pregnant!



Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

two weeks...

Been two weeks since I could find some time to type out my thoughts with how I'm feeling and how I'm doing. To answer... TERRIBLE! I am an emotional wreck. There are so many things going on with my son that my head is spinning. doctors and more doctors and more doctors.

It's been so hard for me to focus on my own health and well being, because I feel so drained with what is going on around me. I think I am doing well on my diet, but I have found myself grazing for no reason. Just call me a moo-cow and put me out to pasture. When I'm upset I eat...and eat and eat... been upset for a few years now that's why my ass is so big!

I'm taking my meds when I'm suppose to, I'm drinking my shakes but yet there have been too many "cheats" specially when I can't sleep and I'm up with worry over my son.

I only worked out ONCE and that was today for 15 minutes. I didn't have the stamina to do more. My mind wants to, but my body is aching and tired from lack of sleep and a whole lot of worrying.

I see my doctor on Friday. Sometimes when I sit and talk to him I wonder how I don't break down in tears over how worried and upset I am. I have to keep on chugging... chugging.. that's a reference to my son's new favorite show Chuggington! The Chuggers hit the rails and keep on chugging.. that's what I have to do. Even if my heart isn't in this diet right now, the MINUTE I make excuses and give up, I'll gain everything back. So I must keep on chugging.

Thanks for reading my big fat ass blog

Did my work out

I did a 30 minute work out this morning. I am tired!! I think I'm getting bored with this DVD and should try something new. I found a few more tapes when I was cleaning that I never opened.. you know those tapes or DVDs you buy thinking.. "I'll work out this time" and never do. The Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6® is just getting to me. Time to switch so I don't get bored and stop working out.. right? anyone here yet? anyone reading me yet?

We are going food shopping now, then tonight we are having company over for dinner. So I won't be sticking 100% to my diet plan, but that's okay because I just keep pushing forward and continue on my quest.

I'll let you know which tape or DVD I work out to tomorrow.

Healthy living everyone!
xoxox

Not much to say today

Went to my weigh in. I'm down one pound. It's always nice to move my weight ticker over. I am going to reset my exercise ticker too, but I don't see getting a work out in today. It'll have to be first thing in the morning when I get up tomorrow.

happy dieting :-)

Still Fat in NJ

Today I feel beat down...

We all have those days...those emotional draining days. That's when I usually eat, eat and eat...but today I didn't!

Today started out okay enough... my husband woke me up early and even thou I didn't want to get out of bed and even laid back down for a while, I picked myself up and did Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6® . I knew I had to get it done before the meeting I had about my son at 11:30.

This workout is hard. I do my best and keep up. I thought the first half was bad but now that I'm doing the whole 47 minutes the 2nd half with the resistance bands makes me sweat more. I swear to you I am seeing a difference in my body already. My sides and waste are feeling smaller, my arms are feeling stronger. And the best is, today when I got dressed, I looked down and didn't see my stomach sticking out past my boobs.

I'm really glad I got that work out in, because after the meeting I was too drained to do anything more than run a few errands. I even napped with my son this afternoon.

Tomorrow is my weekly weigh in. I'm hoping for big numbers, no whammies. I am very excited to tell Dr. Ransom that I did 3 hours of exercise this week. I am hoping to see my muscle mass up!!

I'll keep you posted... well I mean I'll write my skinny self a another entry tomorrow.

Still Fat in NJ

There's a thin girl inside me trying to get out!

And she's taken control!! I worked out again today. One more workout and I will have actually made the 3 hour mark that Dr. Ransom wants me to make every week. The most I've done in a week is just about 2 hours. I know I can do it.

We had things to do this morning and while out my son fell asleep before we got home. I carried him up the stairs...all 40lbs of him.. it was hard..I kept thinking I used to carry that much weight on my body. My scale has me down 40lb but the doctor's scale is 5lbs difference. Anyway, I knew it was a perfect time to go work out. I put him in bed and did the Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6®

My shoulders are killing me. The resistance band part is amazing and hard. I am feeling the burn as they say so I know I'm doing it right. As I'm sweating and it's burning, I keep thinking "I want to wear shorts this summer". Plus we have a wedding to go to in June that my son is the ring bearer. I want to look good and wear a dress. I can do it!!!

I am really looking forward to my weigh in this week. With all the exercising I'm doing I am hoping to see my muscle mass go up. My personal scale hasn't moved at all. It sometimes happens when I'm getting close to that time of the month or it could be because I'm burning fat and building muscle.

That's it from me.
Tomorrow is another day.

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Still fat in NJ

I did it!!

My whole body is shaking and I have jello legs again but I did it, I finished the Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6®. The last few minutes of stretching all I could think of was "I need a shower" so I stopped the DVD and jumped in the shower.

I really can feel this work out working. Yesterday I really felt like my waist was smaller so I had my husband do my measurements. Sure enough 2.5 inches off my waste, 3 off my hips, 2.5 off my thighs and 2 off my arms. I'm amazed! That side oblique crunch she has you do is a killer. I showed my THIN husband the move last night, he did one and said "that's hard". Debbie Siebers says in the DVD "if you do this every day your waste will get thinner"...SHE'S RIGHT!!

This is only my 3rd week doing her DVD. I hardly worked out in December and gained back 2lbs...which to me was great considering all the eating I did all month long. So anyway I know darn well that the inches I got off didn't happen between Thanksgiving and New Years..They happened after New Years when I started giving 100% again.

I am really feeling good and I feel thin.. by no means am I THIN!! I am still in that "Morbid Obesity" category. But working out every day, sticking to my diet plan as dropped my BMI almost 10 points. Just a little more work and I move out of Mordid Obesity into Obesity yippie...lol what a funny thing to be cheering for, but it's the little steps that are keeping me going!!

I watched Heavy on A&E last night. Anyone see it? Wait, I'm still talking to myself.. nobody is reading my blog, so of course nobody saw it, nobody is here! Well it was inspiring. Hard work, diet and exercise does work...no need to jump on that gastric bypass band wagon. I've had several friends who went that route and some of them have gained the weight back!! What did they learn? Did they work out? nope!! so none of their habits changed and they still are eating unhealthy foods.

I have one friend Cheryl who fought with her weight and with hard work and exercise she's at a healthy weight! You can read her success story here.

Well my son is jumping all around asking for an apple, guess my blogging is over! I hope it's nap time soon, we've been up since 5:30.

Thanks for reading my big fat @$$ blog

Sunday Morning Workout

Well I just finished a mini work out.. and I mean a mini one, only 15 minutes. I haven't worked out in four days and it's always hard to get a half hour or more in if it's been this long. No wonder I could hardly do anything when I first started, I had no stamina.

Tomorrow's work out should be better and longer. I am really enjoying Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6®. If you are looking for a work out video try one of hers.

Thanks for reading
Still Fat in NJ