Go me!

I am so proud of myself. The inner thin healthy girl is currently in the driver seat. I love her. I love her motivation. I love her focus. She talked me through my 10 minute work out this morning while Fat Girl me fought back the tears. FG knows she's one peanut butter cup away from a heart attack. Thin Girl told her to keep going and finish strong. She remindered her of reasons she's doing this, to be apart of my children's lives longer. To be around to see Grandchildren.
Fat people don't live long. When was the last time you saw a fat 80 year old? My life expectancy is probably in the 60s right now. I need to change that and I will change that.
Thin Girl also reminded Fat Girl about the cute clothes she could wear. And day dreamed about wearing a bikini, he'll even a bathing suit that wasn't a moo-moo.
I realize I will need a body lift. I already have skin sagging. I will find a doctor to talk to when I get to 150lb. Right now my focus is on loosing 5lbs. And I'm going great. I already see a difference in the scale from earlier this week. I won't count how much I lost until I have been working out a week. Next Tuesday is official weigh in for me.
So to recap, working out for my kids, grandkids that I dream about, cute clothes and a bikini, oh and sex! Lots and lots of sex!!! Not to toot my own horn, but sex with me is already pretty great according to my last lover. I can't imagine what it would be like if I was thin enough to try some of those positions on sexinfo101!
Time to hit the shower and have an amazing day where I stick to my meal plan, drink water, SMILE and believe in myself.
Go Maria, you've got this!

Be your own cheerleader

Maria, you can do this. Small steps will make positive changes. Small work outs will lead to longer ones.
Pat on the back for another work out. Now drink your water today and make healthy choices on food.
Good job, see you tomorrow morning.
Xoxo
Maria

Day 71 - Twiggy's BBQ

Twiggy's BBQ was fun fun fun fun.
This is what I wore, I think I look cute with my new shorts, shirt and pig tales.



I got there early to see if I could help with any last minute things. And I took photos of my two boys for Memorial Day cards.


I sat with her work friends and we talked and talked and laughed!! Mr. Grey came up.. that book seems to be every where. Also talked about working out and that Bitch Jillian Michaels.  

The roommate was suppose to be there but he got called into work. Amazing that when we have nothing to do, he doesn't have to work on Saturdays *rolls eyes*

Anthony played in the dirt all day and ran around like crazy. I think he had more fun when the other kids left, because all the adults were paying attention to him.


When it started getting dark they set up a camp fire. Then the roommate and saboteur got there. After a nice day without them, I had to deal with the two of them.




And what took place next was making steam come out of my ears until I finally lost it!

My brother, who can do no wrong, wants my moms old picnic table. The saboteur had the audacity to ask the roommate to use his work truck to bring my brother the table. The roommate starts saying how he'll need to borrow a different truck from work, the saboteur starts saying how it can just be dropped off at any time, until I finally told them both that my brother is a big boy if he wants the table rent a truck and get it.

This is wrong on so many levels!
1. why does everyone always have to help my brother?
2. how many times do I have to tell the saboteur I AM GETTING DIVORCED! She should not be asking him for any favors!
3. why does the roommate jump to help everyone else?
4. I am always invisible  around here and my feelings don't matter

We got home after 11pm and it took me and hour to scrub up my dirty boy Tony!



I got to bed around 3am!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 27 - work out 3 - still smiling

Today was the last day in my week. Tomorrow is my weigh in. Considering I was sick for 3 days I did pretty well almost reaching my work out goal.

I had another nice day, more birthday wishes and lots of smiles. I have a SMALL birthday cake in refrigerator that I will save for dessert on Sunday - Cheryl RELAX I will have a small piece.

Anthony had a half day at school, then we went to Target and did some shopping. By the time we got hope it was  6:30pm, Anthony went outside to play, I fed Alex, roommate came home..normal chaos

I didn't get my work out done until 10pm!! Before Cheryl freaks...lol here is a picture of the most important thing that happened yesterday... my new sneaks

onto my Jillian Michaels kick @$$ work out. Here is me before


Sweating like a pig after... I couldn't even get up!


Wish me luck for my weigh in tomorrow!!! Hopefully my big fat @$$ is less fat! I'll let you know
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 18 - my birthday is soon...

I always get a knot in my stomach when it is getting closer to my birthday. Not because I hate getting older but because I am so unimportant to the people I should be important to, that its just another unimportant day to them. There are several reasons I am unhappy in the current relationship I am in and overlooking my birthday is on the list of why I HATE him!!!!!!!!!

I thought I had the prefect plan for this year. I begged my cousin to cook for me. Well my Uncle is still dealing with health issues so I thought it would be better for my cousin to do something for his Dad and not me. In fact my uncle is having tests on his lungs today! Our birthdays are only 5 days apart. My cousin Chris decided to cook for both of us on Saturday April 7th. Cant wait! I love spending time with my family!

However that leaves me doing nothing on April 4th and I'll be damned if I am going to do nothing again!!. Last year I took Anthony to his first vision therapy appointment and after had lunch with my mom and did a little shopping. I was waiting for the ASS I am currently married to, to come home from work and do something with me. But like I said I am UNIMPORTANT and the monkey's ass worked LATE and did nothing with me. I cooked for our son and went to bed early and crying.

This year Alexander has an appointment with his heart doctor that afternoon. Anthony gets home from school at 3:30pm. So I need to find something fun for me and the kids to do that early evening. I am not counting on anyone else, because I learned I will only be disappointed.

So this morning when Anthony got up I started talking to him about my birthday. I don't want him to grow up thinking it's okay to ignore the ones you love (or say you love) on their birthday too. I asked him what we need for my birthday. I loved his answers:

1. decorations
2. balloons
3. cake
4. presents

Great I thought! The kid gets it! I asked him what kind of present he wanted to get for me. He said a TRAIN!! "Umm no Anthony that's a present for you not for mommy" I told him. I asked him to think about what I like to do and he should be able to think about a present he wants to get me...granted I would be taking him and paying for it, but the point is for him to learn how to treat others.

He thought for a while looked at me and said "Mommy you like to exercise"

I felt like this:



I will be taking my little guy shopping to find something to do with "exercise" to give me for my birthday! Maybe we'll go to Target when he gets home from school that day. He loves shopping there. I would like another work out video so I'll have him help me pick one out. Or maybe I'll get a real sweat band. Or even sneakers!!!

Today I'm trying a new Jillian Michaels DVD 6 week 6 pack. I need more like 6 months 6 pack, but I want to change up my work outs. So here I go.

and done...sweating like a...what? PIG!!!

oh dear Lord that was a killer work out! I had a very hard time, but guess what, I LOVED IT!! When I master that work out I will be super strong...and it will be time to train with that CRAZY GIRL CHERYL for the Spartan Race!! Did you hear that Cheryl??!!! I know you read my blog every day!


Lets go people, get up off your butts!!! I'm on day 18 of working out and you are doing what???


Bring on Day 19!!! time to add 30 more minutes to my work out time this week. go me!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$
PS. Anthony just came home from school. I asked him if he wanted a snack and he said "I want something healthy to eat" LOOK AT THE IMPRESSION I AM MAKING ON MY SON!!!

Day 15 - You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine

I am feeling on great, thrilled, confident and strong!!!!!!! Down 3.5 this week!!!


I am 2.5 pounds away from right where I was last year at my lowest weight before I went to the doctor for blood work to confirm I was pregnant.

For those of you in the cheap seats, I started this diet with The Center for Medical Weight Loss on June 22, 2010. It took me 9 months to lose 40lbs! My last weigh in was Friday April 1. On April 6 my blood work came came confirming what I already knew, I was in fact pregnant again and had to stop the diet.

My pregnancy with Alexander is another story, but the whole time I was dying to get back on the diet. I HATED seeing the scale go up and Up and UP! I gave birth to him on Nov 3, 2011 and was 67 pounds from my weigh in on April 1, 2011

I came home from the hospital about 15 pounds less and continued to drop the water weight (I was super swollen)and had off 37.5 pounds by Christmas! Leaving my big fat ass up 29.5 when I started this diet again on Dec 30, 2011!

Look at what I am accomplishing with my new THIS IS FOR ME attitude!! In 3 months I have almost all the weight back off!!! This week I need to PUSH! I need a bigger cheering section! So lets here it for my big fat ass!!

I don't need the saboteur to be proud of me. I am proud of me. These two beautiful boys of mine hopefully will never remember mommy was fat! And all of us will have a healthy lifestyle.


I drove home listening to my theme song with a smile on my face and signing at the top of my lungs!


Came in the door and CELEBRATED by doing Jillian Michaels 30 day Shred


and after my work out, I'm what?? sweating like a pig!!! oink oink

One day SOON I am going to grab Cheryl and anyone else who wants to join us and we are going to do this.. right Cheryl??

Tomorrow I will be right back here working out on Day 16. So all of you saying "I have to start working out and dieting" GET UP!!!!!!!!! GET UP! GET UP! GET UP! Stop giving yourself excuses and just do it!!!!

My biggest problem right now is... I don't have a THING to wear :-) and it's not because everything is tight!

See you tomorrow
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 11 - 5 years ago today...

Five years ago today I put down my pack of cigarettes, walked out the door, went to work determined never to smoke again as if my life depended on it. - no gum, no patch, no drugs, just cold turkey and lots of water!

Here I am 5 years later with that same determination as if my life depended on it..pushing myself, working out, eating better and lots of water!



I have to keep pushing myself and reminding myself all the reasons I'm doing this.

For my girlfriend Cheryl, who's been an inspiration to me, who's getting ready for a race...move it girlfriend you can do it.

I found this picture on Cheryl's FB page shared from Tiger Schulmann's Mma Middletown. - Body scan of 250 pound woman and 120 pound woman.



Here I am ready to work out today to Jillian Micheals No More Trouble Zones



here I am sweating like a pig again...do pigs sweat? can someone answer that?



and now all showered and looking nice, too bad I don't have a date :-)

I took my boys to the mall to see the Easter Bunny. My older one ran out the door when we were leaving, my mom can't run because of her knees but I took off pushing the stroller and nearly ran over my mom because she didn't get out of the way.. and GUESS WHAT?? I wasn't out of breath!! The brat finally stopped running.

I am hoping to get to the Clifton Lane Bryant tonight to buy my dress in a size 20 and 18, but since I can't take Alex on the highway with his heart monitor I have to wait until someone can watch him. So if I don't get there tonight, I'll go tomorrow.

I'm feeling really good and believe I'll get into that 18 BECAUSE today when I put on my favorite jeans they were falling off me.



They are too big around the waste and legs. I don't know if you can really tell from the above picture, but trust me. Last month they fit me perfectly, today not at all.

I am so happy, but since they were my first jeans in years with a button and zipper I will not just give them away. I think I'll cut them and make a scrap page out of them.

Day 12 here I come!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 9 - Do or do not. There is no try!

thanks Yoda for today's motivation!


Some how with my new 90 day challenge attitude, I have become motivation and inspiration. Me? the fat chick is inspiring people. HOLY MOLY, this is all new to me. I hope I can keep it up and if I can't the same people give me a push.

I told everyone in my household when I got up today, everyone had to get out of the living room for me to do my 30 minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I started writing that this morning and LIFE happened!! it's after midnight now so that means it's day 10 and not day 9 anymore. I wanted to finish blogging because that's part of my challenge.

I put in level 2 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. How did those people on the biggest loser not drop dead on her? I thought the Surrender Exercise was a killer HA HA HA HA HA

I had a very hard time doing most of level 2 and the buckets of sweat where just pouring off me

I still can't do a full push up, I'm still on my knees but hey I couldn't do them at ALL when I started so I'm sure I'll get used to this level two in a few weeks.

I'm doing great with all the crunch moves. I remember when I couldn't do them either.

((today's photos brought to you by Ed))

The whole time I was working out I was wondering...How many Calories are in a Starbucks Tazo Chai Tea Latte?? -   answer 240

Like I said LIFE kept happening tonight and we went to dinner.
I had a salad and

and peel and eat shrimp with my 3 LEMON LIMIT ((inside joke - don't ask))


Tomorrow - well today, I will do Level 2 again of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and sweat some more buckets.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 8 - funny thing happened on the way to the doctor

Get my blog via email. Just put your email address in the "follow by email" box on the right side under my exercise ticker. Look over there  ---------->

I have been pissed off all week that my scale keeps showing me up 2lbs. There's really no doubt in my mind that it was in fact up the first week of March after my melt down into that black hole I get sucked into when life sucks! I don't remember eating anything else but potato chips that week.

But I recognized what I was doing and STOPPED and my 90 challenge was born. I know there might be times when I can't work out or I eat other food, so it's a 90 day 90% on target challenge. That gives me a -little- wiggle room, like for CAKE on my birthday. (cousin Chris if you read my blog I like cannoli cake, but one little cannoli with a candle will do!)


I weighed myself again last night and the damn scale still said up 2lbs. I headed to Dr. Ransom's with all the positives on my mind that happened this week and WOW there was a lot to be proud about.

1. I met the goal to work out 180 minutes in a week
2. I went OVER that goal by 30 minutes
3. I drank more than 8 glasses of water a day
4. I did the surrender exercise!
5. I blogged every day
6. and most importantly I am really learning to recognize when I slip up and when I'm doing great!

I got on that super duper scale that tells you the fat weight, muscle weight and water weight, closed my eyes and hoped for the best. I heard Carmon say "you're down 2 pounds" WHAT?!?!? DOWN!!!!!!!!!! I could not wipe the smile off my face! My evil scale had lied to me all week.

I am now only 6 pounds away from my lowest weigh in before I took the pregnancy test and 16 days away from when that lowest weigh in happened last year! I have 2 weigh ins to go. I don't want to make myself crazy and push for 3lbs a week but I will be THRILLED if the weigh in before my birthday puts me right where I was last year.

I left the doctor's office with that smile, put Alexander in the van and played my theme song for the year over and over until we were home.


I came in the door, put Alexander in the pack n play, put in that evil woman Jillian Michaels, changed my clothes and did my 30 minute work out! I knew I had to get it in right then or it would be more difficult as the day went on.
before:

after:


I was still smiling from my 2lbs down even after doing EIGHT of those kick ass Surrender Exercise!

Sure enough if I didn't get the work out in, I would be struggling right now with my crazy 4 year old, a crying 4 month old and my husband to get time for myself to work out for 30 minutes. I am not sure how I'm going to do it this weekend but I'll figure it out.

I am glad I pushed myself to get past day 5, I was really tired and could have just stopped working out. I am feeling GREAT!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 7 - Why am I doing this?

If you want to see what I'm doing every day but forget to come over to my blog you can have my blog sent to your email.  Just put your email address in the "follow by email" box on the right side under my exercise ticker. Look over there  ---------->

I must be crazy, this is torture! All my muscles are burning. My thighs hurt going up and down my stairs and I keep asking myself why am I doing this??

answers:
1. so I don't die from a heart attack or other obesity related disease
2. so I won't be insulin resistance any more
3. to teach my boys you can do anything with hard work
4. I don't want to stop my boys from doing things just because I am too fat to do it too.
5. because I don't want a gastric bypass.


bonus answers:
1. to walk into a room and not say to myself "you're the fattest one here"
2. to stop buying clothes in plus size stores. I don't even know what sizes are out of a plus size store.
3. to own a little black dress
4. I want to run a marathon
5. and come on, the sex just has to be even better if I can be flipped around or upside down! Like this one looks like fun, and if I can get into that bridge position then these works outs are really working!

My stupid stupid scale totally hates me this week it's still saying I am up 2lbs. I am going to cry when I get to my weigh in on Friday.

I am still pushing myself. In the past I would have stopped dieting because the scale didn't move. But I noticed my stomach seems to be in more on the sides and I didn't get sick looking at a picture of me from behind! So something is working.

I was planning on doing Jillian Michaels again today and push myself to do more of those killer Surrender Exercise but the throbbing in my thighs hasn't
stopped since I did them yesterday. When I was laying in bed last night my quadriceps were on fire. Good thing I went to massage school, I kept rubbing them until they didn't hurt anymore.  So I'll be skipping Ms. Michaels and doing Debbie Sieber today.

I'll be back to continue blogging after my kid is on the bus and I do my work out. (11am)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(back 3pm)

There is something wrong with me!! at the very last minute I switched DVDs from nice sweet Debbie Siebers who shows you other ways to do something if you cant or lets you march in place when it's to much to that mean b!t(h who yells at you Jillian Michaels!

I pushed myself and when she got to the surrenders I kept saying "come on 7!" and started giggling and thinking of this scene from Friends.


I did it, another day, sweating like a pig.. do pigs even sweat?


Not only did I make it to my goal minutes this week, I surpassed it! But I'm still going to kick and scream and CRY at my weigh in tomorrow at 1pm MY SCALE IS UP BY 2LBS!!!!

And to all my SKINNY friends who are checking on me, GET YOUR BUTTS UP AND MOVE!! if my fat ass has worked out 210 minutes this week, YOU CAN WORK OUT 10 MINUTES TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 6 - moody b!t(h from hell

WHY HASN'T MY SCALE MOVED????????????? it is still UP 2lbs WTF!?! Is anyone reading my blog???

If I wasn't working so hard I would say it was because I wasn't putting enough effort in, but come on, this is going to be the 6th day I work out in a row and there's no change. If I keep working out this will work right??? That size 18 dress seems so far away right now.

My shakes are all set up for the day with my vitamins. (pic taken at 9am)


Time to get my monkey on the bus, the other monkey fed then I'll be back to work out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My phone rang, I heard an email come in and my cell went off a few times, but I just kept working out! I realized that I will have to go to work one day and these few years I have home with the boys are my time to learn to eat right, exercise and get myself in shape. I have to learn all these things now so then I am maintaining a healthy lifestyle and not fighting to lose weight and work full time.

Just finished my day 6 workout..am I thin yet? (pic taken at 2:30pm)

And for the first time EVER I met my goal for minutes to work out in a week. BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE!!!!!!! or maybe a comment or two.

Time to hit the shower, give my baby a bath, get my big one home from school and off to vision therapy tonight, then out with Tara for her birthday.. don't worry I won't cheat, I'll just have coffee :-)


Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

It's all a head game!

I am getting ready for my work out. My music is ready. The older one is on the bus and I started thinking.. wouldn't it be WONDERFUL if my baby boy Alex looks at pictures of me from before he was born and his first year and says "Mommy I don't remember you being fat!"

That would be so much better than all the things that were said to me growing up from my family...
"You would be so pretty IF, you lost weight"
"When are you going to start reducing?"

And one of my favorite memories (not) is when my cousins picked me up and carried me into the bathroom to weigh me just to make fun of me FOREVER and to my face sing this stupid song that used to make me cry "The fat's on the fire"

THEY ALL NEED TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get out, get out, get out I say. I am NOT that person anymore. I don't need food to make me feel better. And F%(& Y@U I AM PRETTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now it's time for my work out and my #1 fan to make cute cooing sounds from the pack n play as he watches mommy.


Game face on, music ready and Jillian Michaels ready to kick my big fat ass!


Day 4 here I come!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

Day 3 of 90 Challenge

I did my workout.. holy cow I can't believe how I'm pushing myself. I put Jillian Michaels on mute and play some of my favorite music. I don't have songs downloaded like the rest of the world so I have to find the songs that push me on youtube, set each video up in a new window and click play on each as I go. Sounds crazy but I do what I have to do when I don't have exactly what I need.

Here's my workout music play list:
Bon Jovi - It's My Life
Katy Perry - Firework (this is my theme song for the year)
Bondie - Maria (that's my name!)
Taio Cruz - Dynamite
The Corrs - Breathless
Cobra Starship - You Make Me Feel
Hot Chelle Rae - I Like It Like That

me before

me after


I also tried finding a countdown ticker or widget for my blog. I just wanted it to show how many days. I came across the vacation widget by HotelsCombined.com that is exactly what I wanted but I'm not counting down to a vacation. I put the dates in and started laughing that it says "I'm off in"...because really I'm trying to get ME off ME!! I think it's perfect!

To all my friends out there that keep saying "I have to lose weight" GET UP AND MOVE TODAY! I can't believe my FAT ASS is doing jumping jacks.

My shoulders hurt, my legs are burning...but that thin girl inside me really wants to get out! And she wants a little black dress

See you tomorrow!

The Quest for the Dress 2012

I knew I wanted to wear a dress for my son's Christening in June, I just figured I would go shopping in May to find something. Until the Lane Bryant spring catalog came in the mall. I fell in love with the dress and purple sweater on the cover. It has an iris print on it and iris is one of my favorite flowers. Of course my saboteur told me the dress was too busy.

Here's the dress:


I posted the dress to my facebook page and a few of my friends said "get it" but the saboteur still gets to me. After the 4th person said you would look good, I decided at the spur of the moment when running errands yesterday to go try it on.


The feedback from my friends was great! I came home very happy, with my size 22 dress, big difference from when I started dieting I was wearing a 32!! We had friends over for dinner and I put the dress on for them to see. They also liked it on me a lot.

When I took it off I realized it has a zipper, which I did NOT use to put the dress on!!! I started thinking, with pushing myself to exercise come June, this dress is going to be too big, I need a size 20!

This morning I called a few Lane Bryant stores until the lady in Clifton went out of her way to help me. When I told her I have been dieting and exercising and have lost 21 pounds from Jan. She said "Honey if you lose another 20lbs you will be in a size 18"

The lady found the dress for me in a 20 and because of what she said, I also have a size 18 on hold. I will pick up the dresses on Wednesday and I have a 60 return window. May 5th I need to decide which dresses are going back and which I'm keeping.

One thing I know for sure, that size 22 is going BACK!!!!!

And now it's time for my workout!! It's Day 3 of my 90 day challenge.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

No I didn't fall off the planet

I had computer problems and trying to blog from my stupid phone doesn't work. Finally got my computer fixed and here I am blogging again.

I have been doing pretty well, but I had a very bad week from Saturday March 3 to March 7. Things have been very stressful around my house and I just couldn’t focus every day. When you have a person making your life insane it’s hard to stay on track. But I know that if I allow the drama to continue in my head I just spin out of control and soon eating one back of potato chips turns into eating a bag every day.

I could have very easily slipped back into that hole that sucks me in, where I feel worthless and unloved. But I do have support and love just not from the people who live with me.


I actually had to kick everyone in my family out of the living room today in order to do my work out. I had Jillian Michael’s workout ready to go, I picked some music to play on my computer instead of listening to her talk, I had my weights, the blanket I use for the mat, my water and I was dressed ready to go when my mother came upstairs to see the baby, my son started screaming he wanted to watch Star Wars and my stupid husband yelling at my son.

I finally screamed “EVERYONE GET OUT” and it still took a few minutes for everyone to leave me alone. I just started the video and did my best to tune them all out.


Today is the 2nd day in my new 90 day challenge. I want to feel good and LOOK GOOD for my son’s Christening on June 10. I know there will be some people who just won’t say “you look good” because these are the same people who brought me down most of my life and never seem to have anything nice to say about me. I keep telling myself not to worry about what they say, but it would really be nice to hear I look good from those family members.

Tonight friends are coming for dinner. I am cooking pulled pork for them, I will eat a salad!

Time to drink some more water, remember I can do this and there is a thin person trying to get out!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

do not take my silence as quitting!

Some how my browser does not like me signing into my blog and times out! I keep trying and finally I was able to log in tonight.

I am working out, feel very determined. I am down a total of 18lbs of the regained weight from having my little boy. I was giving myself until June to get off the 30lbs but I am feeling confident that I can do it by my birthday on April 4th! or at least be really close!

then I will reset my weight loss counter to lose another 20...baby steps I'm taking.

I did a late work out on Sunday night and I'm real proud of myself. I could have came home from visiting my Aunt & Uncle and just watched TV but I did my new Jillian Michaels DVD.

hoping to have another good weigh in on Friday!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

Day 3 of working out

Dear old you,
You can do it. I'm thin now. Don't give up. I know it's hard but it will get easier, you'll be able to work out longer, you'll even have heavier weights to use, cute work out clothes too. Believe in yourself, remember your theme song to keep you going when your legs and arms are burning.
In 18 short months you'll take your kids to a water park and won't feel like a beached whale. Keep up the good work, you are awesome! Just keep believing in a better future for yourself.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

another workout

Today I did some of the Jillian Michaels. Damn she's hard for me but I knew if I did the same workout from yesterday I wouldn't make 10 minutes. My legs are killing me from yesterday.

less than 10 minutes into my workout Alexander started screaming, so I turned around and faced him while he was sitting in his little chair. I know he doesn't understand what mommy is doing, but I felt like screaming "shut up kid, don't you want to go bike riding with mommy or go to a water park?"

I am holding him in my left arm right now as I type with one hand.

Ha I really thought I was smiling! you can see how red my face is from the workout!

I'm done...now I just need to stick to my diet again today...GO ME!


Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

have fun???

If I thought exercise was fun I would have never gotten up to the morbidly obese category with a BMI of 54!!! I am a heart attack waiting to happen. But some how I picked myself up and went to the doctor for help. I'm so glad I'm not doing this alone anymore and I have real help.

Anyway since I was up super early I decided to get my work out in first. I'm currently working out to >Debbie Siebers's Slim in 6® which I bought about 6 years ago where it had remained in the box until just recently. Apparently I did open it because the training bands are missing... rats.. now I have to go looking for them...oh boy just rambling on here.. the point is, Debbie says "just have fun with it" REALLY? really you beautiful THIN woman? have fun? the big fat moo cow over here can hardly get her leg up to do your side kicks and you think I'm having fun?

UGHHH it's so hard... BUT I have come along way since last June. I could hardly keep up with >Richard Simmons! Then I tried >Jillian Michaels OMG she's so far beyond what I can handle. I don't know how those Biggest Loser people keep up with her.. and I'm about the same size of them.

I'm very happy doing the Slim in 6® and what I like the best is that there is a time counter in the corner so you know how long you have to do that part and how much more of the workout you have to go. But I'm still not having FUN!!! I'll let you know if FUN is ever a word I use to describe a work out!

Thanks for reading :-0
is anyone reading? doubt it - I'm just talking to myself
Still Fat in NJ