I'm a very emotional person!

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My moods are directly effected by the ones closest to me. And when there is too much chaos I'm in that black hole!!  Yeah I don't really want to hear I shouldn't let them bother me, because if I had figured that out I wouldn't have shoved food in my mouth all these years and I wouldn't be the moody bitch from hell that I am.

One of my BIGGEST problems is the roommate's hoarding!!! I feel like the house is falling in on me. I'm too overwhelmed with all of it, I can't figure out what to do or how to handle it. I have had people tell me throw it all out, but he goes ape shit and is scarey when you throw out his stuff... yeah yeah I can hear you guys.. call the police? Sure I call the police he gets pulled out of here, Anthony is screaming and crying, it'll be a scene. Then fine he's out.. then he'll go sleep on his Aunt's sofa or something. My biggest fear is that his family will make him cut off the money. And it's the boys who will suffer the most. I have to do this carefully and slowly.

I have been trying to clean the dining room for almost 2 weeks and it doesn't look like I did ANYTHING!!! I keep taking before pictures and there isn't one "AFTER" photo yet. Lets see how I do today.

Here is the dining room last week.




Here is the dining room today and I swear it's worse!




After 3 hours of sorting and folding and putting away here's what I had.




The minute the table was free of the clutter Anthony asked me to build him train tracks. I wonder if there's a job out there for me building train sets :-) That took me another hour to put the track together and make the bridges.




Then I continued to sort the ton of clothes.  From left to right; size 24 months/ 2t - size 12 & 18 months - to sell on ebay - stuff I want to keep and the basket in the bottom right corner is to get rid of ASAP.




What you can't see on the other side of the table are boxes from the roommate filled with stupid stuff that he thinks is important. I opened one box to see what was in there. No surprise books and junk.




That little box on the left of the above picture has this shit in it. Do you think ANY of that is important? I bet only 5 or so things are worth saving. Look there's a pen, key chain, blots, plastic wrappers from something, pieces of wire  and papers.  THIS IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM!!! This is the crap that is in his storage unit. Look under that yellow paper in the plastic bag down on the right, under that is a scratched off lottery.



I could just throw it out but I don't want to suffer any more drama. His screaming at Anthony is more than I can handle. So I'm going to make him just move this crap to his storage unit tomorrow or Sunday.

I have a plan for that stupid storage unit too. Next year when I do the taxes, I'm making him open his own bank account and putting money in it. . I will also set up his pay check to deposit some money into that account as well. I will change the storage unit to come out of that account. I will tell him that his account, he can do whatever he wants with it.  Give it some time and he'll blow through that money and won't have enough for his storage unit and I don't give a crap what happens after that!! He needs his own account and needs to learn how to take care of his money.

I somehow did the dishes, cooked dinner, cleaned off the counter, fed the kids, sorted more clothes, bagged up 2 bags to give away, another 2 baskets of clothes to give to someone who needs clothes and then......

Anthony asked "Can we go to the park?" it was just about 7pm at this point. I opened the back door, decided it wasn't too hot and packed the cooler with drinks. The bags of clothes to get rid of went in the van. I sent the roommate and Anthony off to do that and then go to the park, while I pushed Alexander in the stroller for 1 1/2 hours!!! which equals 3 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did a drive around the blocks to figure out a route that equaled a mile. I ended up with 1.3 miles. I was running out of daylight but really was pushing to get the last round done. But when Alex started crying I knew he needed to be fed so I didn't finish the last loop around the dead end. If I had finished I would have done 3.9 miles but since I didn't finish I'm estimating it was 3 miles or so.

Some of it I ran but mostly I walked. I was so grateful for all the people who water their lawn at night. I parked the stroller and ran through the sprinklers. Talk about sweating like a pig. My legs are BURNING but I feel sooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!! 

When my phone went off and I heard "wwoo hoo text message" that just pushed me more. I'm amazed how when those who matter most to me are around how much better I feel. I think it proves I need to get away from the saboteur and the roommate who bring me down!!! Oh and lets add my brother into that mix too!!!

I am also thrilled to report I stayed 100% on my diet plan! Go me! What a day. I have plans to push myself again tomorrow. Work more on the dining room, swim with the kids and walk again. And most of all I can't wait to hear my phone say "wooo hoo text message" all day long! GOT THAT?????????



 

Day 32 - Tragic

As I drank my morning coffee, all sleepy eyed and got on line, I had no idea how today's events would unfold. I got on line for a morning chat with a friend, the boys woke up, everyone was fed, Anthony watched movie after movie, Alexander slept, I tried to scrap, text message here and there, I just couldn't wake up. Then I decided I really needed a nap. It was then that I received the phone call that has me on an emotional roller coaster.

My Aunt called me to tell me that her grandson Paul III was found dead in his college dorm room this morning. I am shocked, I feel sick for my cousin Paul Jr., I don't know how you deal with the death of a child. I haven't seen my cousin Paul's kids in a long time because him and his wife divorced years back. So I really didn't know my cousin Paul III as a young adult. The last time I saw him he was a young kid. But this doesn't make it any less tragic and my stomach has been in a knot ever since the phone call. I don't know how my Aunt is holding it together. Her faith is much stronger than mine. I would FREAK if something happen to one of my boys, or if and when I have a grandchild.

I called my brother ASAP when I got off the phone with my Aunt. We all decided it's best not to tell my mother who's away in Europe on a vacation for two weeks. There is nothing she can do about it, it would ruin her vacation. She would probably want to fly home and we all decided not to do that for her, she just got there today.

Crazy things have been going threw my head. I hope if when Paul III past he was greeted by my Grandpa, his Great Grandpa. In this little branch of my family tree, only my grandparents have past. Their two daughters (my mother and aunt) are here, my Uncle and all of us first cousins. I never even thought one of our children would ever die. My Aunt kept saying "He's in a better place" and I kept thinking about the scene from Steel Magnolias when Mlynn flips out at Shelby's funeral.

When the roommate got home I got my work out in. I really needed to burn off some of these crazy emotions.

Here's me and my little Tony - who by the way is named after the Grandpa I just talked about


And here's me finished sweating like a pig.


Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 9 - Do or do not. There is no try!

thanks Yoda for today's motivation!


Some how with my new 90 day challenge attitude, I have become motivation and inspiration. Me? the fat chick is inspiring people. HOLY MOLY, this is all new to me. I hope I can keep it up and if I can't the same people give me a push.

I told everyone in my household when I got up today, everyone had to get out of the living room for me to do my 30 minutes.
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I started writing that this morning and LIFE happened!! it's after midnight now so that means it's day 10 and not day 9 anymore. I wanted to finish blogging because that's part of my challenge.

I put in level 2 of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. How did those people on the biggest loser not drop dead on her? I thought the Surrender Exercise was a killer HA HA HA HA HA

I had a very hard time doing most of level 2 and the buckets of sweat where just pouring off me

I still can't do a full push up, I'm still on my knees but hey I couldn't do them at ALL when I started so I'm sure I'll get used to this level two in a few weeks.

I'm doing great with all the crunch moves. I remember when I couldn't do them either.

((today's photos brought to you by Ed))

The whole time I was working out I was wondering...How many Calories are in a Starbucks Tazo Chai Tea Latte?? -   answer 240

Like I said LIFE kept happening tonight and we went to dinner.
I had a salad and

and peel and eat shrimp with my 3 LEMON LIMIT ((inside joke - don't ask))


Tomorrow - well today, I will do Level 2 again of Jillian Michaels 30 day shred and sweat some more buckets.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 8 - funny thing happened on the way to the doctor

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I have been pissed off all week that my scale keeps showing me up 2lbs. There's really no doubt in my mind that it was in fact up the first week of March after my melt down into that black hole I get sucked into when life sucks! I don't remember eating anything else but potato chips that week.

But I recognized what I was doing and STOPPED and my 90 challenge was born. I know there might be times when I can't work out or I eat other food, so it's a 90 day 90% on target challenge. That gives me a -little- wiggle room, like for CAKE on my birthday. (cousin Chris if you read my blog I like cannoli cake, but one little cannoli with a candle will do!)


I weighed myself again last night and the damn scale still said up 2lbs. I headed to Dr. Ransom's with all the positives on my mind that happened this week and WOW there was a lot to be proud about.

1. I met the goal to work out 180 minutes in a week
2. I went OVER that goal by 30 minutes
3. I drank more than 8 glasses of water a day
4. I did the surrender exercise!
5. I blogged every day
6. and most importantly I am really learning to recognize when I slip up and when I'm doing great!

I got on that super duper scale that tells you the fat weight, muscle weight and water weight, closed my eyes and hoped for the best. I heard Carmon say "you're down 2 pounds" WHAT?!?!? DOWN!!!!!!!!!! I could not wipe the smile off my face! My evil scale had lied to me all week.

I am now only 6 pounds away from my lowest weigh in before I took the pregnancy test and 16 days away from when that lowest weigh in happened last year! I have 2 weigh ins to go. I don't want to make myself crazy and push for 3lbs a week but I will be THRILLED if the weigh in before my birthday puts me right where I was last year.

I left the doctor's office with that smile, put Alexander in the van and played my theme song for the year over and over until we were home.


I came in the door, put Alexander in the pack n play, put in that evil woman Jillian Michaels, changed my clothes and did my 30 minute work out! I knew I had to get it in right then or it would be more difficult as the day went on.
before:

after:


I was still smiling from my 2lbs down even after doing EIGHT of those kick ass Surrender Exercise!

Sure enough if I didn't get the work out in, I would be struggling right now with my crazy 4 year old, a crying 4 month old and my husband to get time for myself to work out for 30 minutes. I am not sure how I'm going to do it this weekend but I'll figure it out.

I am glad I pushed myself to get past day 5, I was really tired and could have just stopped working out. I am feeling GREAT!!!!!!!

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

I did it!

I did the 24 minutes of the "start it up" section of Debbie Sieber's Slim in 6 I really like that there is a countdown clock for the whole work out and each area we are working on also has it's own clock. That really helped to keep me going.

After 10 minute I wanted to stop but just pushed myself. I even put my camera on its timer to get a few pictures. I just looked at the pictures and HATE how I look. But isn't that the point? I hate how I look so I am doing something about it. I decided to post one of the pictures to keep myself motivated.

I need to keep going. I don't want to miss out on fun stuff with my boys because mommy is too fat. I want to ride a bike with my boys, take them to a water park and take a trip on a plane without worrying if I will fit in the seat.

Losing weight also means cuter clothes, maybe getting checked out once in while and better sex *grin*!!!

so here's to me on my first work out day and sticking to my diet. Now I need a shower!

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

down 3.5 this week!!!

Totally amazing!! I knew I felt it but I thought it would be 1.5 MAYBE 2lbs not 3.5. I started crying when the scale showed the number. I even asked "is that right?"

Now I really need to make it my mission this week to work out again. I should just stop what I'm doing and when I put my older one on the bus do a work out. Okay that's the plan for Monday... 1pm put a work out dvd in and do my best.

Thanks for reading :-0 Still Fat in NJ

Did my work out

I did a 30 minute work out this morning. I am tired!! I think I'm getting bored with this DVD and should try something new. I found a few more tapes when I was cleaning that I never opened.. you know those tapes or DVDs you buy thinking.. "I'll work out this time" and never do. The Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6® is just getting to me. Time to switch so I don't get bored and stop working out.. right? anyone here yet? anyone reading me yet?

We are going food shopping now, then tonight we are having company over for dinner. So I won't be sticking 100% to my diet plan, but that's okay because I just keep pushing forward and continue on my quest.

I'll let you know which tape or DVD I work out to tomorrow.

Healthy living everyone!
xoxox

Not much to say today

Went to my weigh in. I'm down one pound. It's always nice to move my weight ticker over. I am going to reset my exercise ticker too, but I don't see getting a work out in today. It'll have to be first thing in the morning when I get up tomorrow.

happy dieting :-)

Still Fat in NJ

Today I feel beat down...

We all have those days...those emotional draining days. That's when I usually eat, eat and eat...but today I didn't!

Today started out okay enough... my husband woke me up early and even thou I didn't want to get out of bed and even laid back down for a while, I picked myself up and did Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6® . I knew I had to get it done before the meeting I had about my son at 11:30.

This workout is hard. I do my best and keep up. I thought the first half was bad but now that I'm doing the whole 47 minutes the 2nd half with the resistance bands makes me sweat more. I swear to you I am seeing a difference in my body already. My sides and waste are feeling smaller, my arms are feeling stronger. And the best is, today when I got dressed, I looked down and didn't see my stomach sticking out past my boobs.

I'm really glad I got that work out in, because after the meeting I was too drained to do anything more than run a few errands. I even napped with my son this afternoon.

Tomorrow is my weekly weigh in. I'm hoping for big numbers, no whammies. I am very excited to tell Dr. Ransom that I did 3 hours of exercise this week. I am hoping to see my muscle mass up!!

I'll keep you posted... well I mean I'll write my skinny self a another entry tomorrow.

Still Fat in NJ

There's a thin girl inside me trying to get out!

And she's taken control!! I worked out again today. One more workout and I will have actually made the 3 hour mark that Dr. Ransom wants me to make every week. The most I've done in a week is just about 2 hours. I know I can do it.

We had things to do this morning and while out my son fell asleep before we got home. I carried him up the stairs...all 40lbs of him.. it was hard..I kept thinking I used to carry that much weight on my body. My scale has me down 40lb but the doctor's scale is 5lbs difference. Anyway, I knew it was a perfect time to go work out. I put him in bed and did the Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6®

My shoulders are killing me. The resistance band part is amazing and hard. I am feeling the burn as they say so I know I'm doing it right. As I'm sweating and it's burning, I keep thinking "I want to wear shorts this summer". Plus we have a wedding to go to in June that my son is the ring bearer. I want to look good and wear a dress. I can do it!!!

I am really looking forward to my weigh in this week. With all the exercising I'm doing I am hoping to see my muscle mass go up. My personal scale hasn't moved at all. It sometimes happens when I'm getting close to that time of the month or it could be because I'm burning fat and building muscle.

That's it from me.
Tomorrow is another day.

Thanks for stopping by
Still fat in NJ

I did it!!

My whole body is shaking and I have jello legs again but I did it, I finished the Ramp It Up section of Slim in 6®. The last few minutes of stretching all I could think of was "I need a shower" so I stopped the DVD and jumped in the shower.

I really can feel this work out working. Yesterday I really felt like my waist was smaller so I had my husband do my measurements. Sure enough 2.5 inches off my waste, 3 off my hips, 2.5 off my thighs and 2 off my arms. I'm amazed! That side oblique crunch she has you do is a killer. I showed my THIN husband the move last night, he did one and said "that's hard". Debbie Siebers says in the DVD "if you do this every day your waste will get thinner"...SHE'S RIGHT!!

This is only my 3rd week doing her DVD. I hardly worked out in December and gained back 2lbs...which to me was great considering all the eating I did all month long. So anyway I know darn well that the inches I got off didn't happen between Thanksgiving and New Years..They happened after New Years when I started giving 100% again.

I am really feeling good and I feel thin.. by no means am I THIN!! I am still in that "Morbid Obesity" category. But working out every day, sticking to my diet plan as dropped my BMI almost 10 points. Just a little more work and I move out of Mordid Obesity into Obesity yippie...lol what a funny thing to be cheering for, but it's the little steps that are keeping me going!!

I watched Heavy on A&E last night. Anyone see it? Wait, I'm still talking to myself.. nobody is reading my blog, so of course nobody saw it, nobody is here! Well it was inspiring. Hard work, diet and exercise does work...no need to jump on that gastric bypass band wagon. I've had several friends who went that route and some of them have gained the weight back!! What did they learn? Did they work out? nope!! so none of their habits changed and they still are eating unhealthy foods.

I have one friend Cheryl who fought with her weight and with hard work and exercise she's at a healthy weight! You can read her success story here.

Well my son is jumping all around asking for an apple, guess my blogging is over! I hope it's nap time soon, we've been up since 5:30.

Thanks for reading my big fat @$$ blog

Happy Monday

It always makes me feel good when I wake up and the number on the scale has gone down. I know experts will tell you to only weigh yourself once a week.. well I have my official weigh ins on Fridays.. but it helps me stay in check to look at that number every day!!!

I did my work out already for the day. Yippee.. but man are my legs killing me. I am currently working out to Slim in 6®. This is my third week using the program. I did great the first week on Start It Up section. Last week I did 2 days of Start It Up and then did one day on Ramp It Up.

Ramp It Up is kicking my big fat ass!! I've only been able to get through half of that section. When she gets to the part where you need your training bands my legs are like jello so I haven't done the 2nd half YET!! I did find my training bands thank goodness, so I'm all set when I'm not shaking like jello legs...Jello legs makes me think of "spaghetti arms" :-)

Yesterday it really felt like my waste might have gotten smaller. I haven't done measurements since November. Maybe it's time to do them again. I just checked, the last time I did measurements was right before Halloween. It's totally time to measure my big fat ass!!

Now in case you're following my blog.. HA HA I know I'm talking to myself.. you'll notice a bunch of changes. First I renamed the blog address. Calling it my big fat ass blog and not using that as the address seemed silly. Next I made a fat ass cartoon and made the header and changed the blog colors.. nice huh? Well I think so. It makes me smile.

It's taken me almost an hour to write this post because I keep getting up to check on my son. He just asked for a snack of APPLE!! I am so happy, I'm doing something right. What a healthy snack. I cut up the apple for him and gave him 4 baby spoons with soy peanut butter on it.

I'm so happy that's what he asks for. I don't want him to have a weight problem. I know if I teach him healthy eating habits now, he will continue with them as an adult. He's even been doing some of the exercises with me!

Healthy eating wasn't even talked about in my house growing up. My mother had the junk food lined up on the counter. I could grab a pop tart any time I wanted and there was no mentoring how many of those double packages I ate!! Then when we visited my father the drive threw was our best friend. Eating Burger King in the back seat of his car was our normal dinner when we visited him.

Now it's time for me to go play SAHM and fold all the laundry, finish the shopping list and play with my son.

have a good day
Still Fat in NJ

Weigh in is tomorrow

My official doctor weigh in is tomorrow but my scale doesn't look like it's moved :( I wasn't 100% on my plan over last weekend but I got right back into working out and being good, so it's making me mad that the scale hasn't moved. I shouldn't get too upset because the doctor's scale is AMAZING... it just doesn't say a number or flash a sign saying "you're fat, you're fat" it gives me a print out of my water weight, muscle weight and fat weight. So even if the number doesn't change, I can see I lost fat and gained muscle or water weight.
I didn't get to be as big as a multi-family house over night, so I'm not going to get to a condo size any time soon and I'm fine with that as long as I continue to make good choices.
I'll be back tomorrow with the official results of this weeks weigh in.
Still Fat in NJ

Took me long enough

I don't know why it has taken me so long to post my first post on this blog. I think about it almost every day but some how I don't make the time...that's going to change.

This blog is about my weight loss journey and I don't mean a Gastric Bypass. I am dieting and exercising and getting help from The Center for Medical Weight Loss.

I have NEVER been thin as an adult...or even a "normal" size. I remember weighing 100lbs and being told I was fat since I'm only 5ft. So the idea of being anything other than FAT alludes me. But I'm not giving up.

Sometime last June something clicked in my head that the only thing I could control was what I was eating... Hence my start to my new goal.. getting thin and loving myself aka project 143. for those that don't know 143 is code for I Love You..I didn't know either when I first heard it.

Since the end of June 2010 I have lost 33lbs. To have a healthy BMI I have a long long way to go.. so I create small goals for myself. Right now my goal is to get into a dress for a wedding this coming June. I hope to have lost at least another 30lbs but would be jumping for joy if it was 40lb.

Thanks for reading :-0
Still Fat in NJ