Brother Day

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I had a 60/40 day today.  60% enjoyed myself but when that 40% of sadness hit, it hit hard.

We took the boys on a train ride to celebrate "brother day". Today was one year that I brought my baby home from the NICU.

My older son had a great time and didn't want to leave. He wants to go back TOMORROW. We had to drag him out of there after 3 hours. The train ride was only 45 minutes long. He wanted to look at the little trains some more, I guess 2 hours of doing that wasn't enough.



I was very sad on the way there. I received a phone call about an issue with one of the boys. After the phone call I didn't feel like sharing the news with the roommate, and he didn't even ask. If I over heard my part of the conversation I would have asked. Heck any of my friends would have asked.

I needed to remind him to stay calm with Anthony several times. By the end of the day when he was losing his patience over stuff, I was losing mine at him!

At dinner I had NOTHING to talk to him about. I sat there taking care of the needs of both kids. Watched Anthony play with his trucks while waiting for his meal, tended to Alexanders little cries. Not once did we look at each other and have anything to say that didn't have to do with the kids. I couldn't even think of a topic to talk about. Anytime we talk about anything we end up fighting. I guess I have just learned to not talk to him.

Case in point, on the way home I told him to go to the corner down the street from my aunt's house to get gas because gasbuddy said it was the cheapest. He's with me for 10 years, has driven to my aunts countless times, but tonight had no idea where he was going. When we finally got to the corner and I pointed to the gas station that we go to a lot, he says 'why didn't you just say the one down the street from the Mall'.

OMG I wanted to scream. This station is walking distance from my Aunt's house yet he wanted me to use a landmark another mile or so away. He finally said he didn't know it was a Delta. Okay so you didn't know it was a Delta, big deal did you forget where my aunt lives?

Then something similar happened in our driveway when I asked about something with the van. I finally just said "Nevermind I don't want to talk"

I spent the rest of the evening putting clothes away and cleaning up around the pig pen. I'm not 100% sure what he did besides 1 load of laundry. I asked him several times to help me clean up in the dining room, I really don't know what he did. I put away most of the stuff.

Anyway, it's stuff like this that makes me miss.. well you know.. the crazy person who just stops talking to me. I am having a hard time letting go, because I want to believe we can work this out. So what did I go and do? I called Captain Moody Pants at work. HA got you now. Can't ignore a work call. I simply said "either block me on facebook or talk to me" I got "okay"

GREAT!! WTF does Okay mean? so far I'm not blocked, but I'm not that hopeful anymore. I want to be, but I'm not. I am telling myself I have to move on, but my stubborn side is digging in her heals, screaming "you won't take me alive"

I need this to have an ending one way or another. Either cut me out of your life totally or talk to me. Living in-between drives me insane.  I have 3 people who know what's going on. They are all sweet, I know they want me to forget about it and move on, but they still listen to me when I'm upset over Captain Moody Pants.

I'm going to bed. I would like to believe I could get a work out in tomorrow, but HA my to do list is a mile long. It would be nice though.

It all started....

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I had one of those nights where I tossed and turned. Besides my normal drama things aren't right with another person. I really want to work out the stupid issues but all I'm getting is the silent treatment. 

I also was up, worried I might have crossed a line and offended another friend, but thankfully all is good there. And even thou that was on my mind all night, what did I go and do? Crossed the damn line again this morning UGH!! But I'm glad I was put in my place!!

Alexander was up early, fed him and he started yawning again. I knew I'd be able to get another hour of sleep and that's what I did.

Mornings are hard keeping Anthony on focus, getting him fed and dressed. He has to go "check on his trucks" before he brushes his teeth or gets dressed. He was VERY SLOW this morning. I was trying to get him ready as well as get Alex another bottle and everything ready for me to leave the minute the bus came.

Anthony went to get his clothes out of the dresser (but I had them on the bench for him) and BAM. I go running to find a drawer on the floor broke, clothes every place. These pictures were taken tonight, because I didn't have time to do it when it happened.


NEXT...
Anthony was sitting in the living room drinking his chocolate milk, when all of the sudden it spilled every where! In hindsight I am glad he wasn't dressed because I would have to change his clothes. I couldn't even wipe him up he had to go into the shower. It was 12:15pm the bus comes at 12:30pm. I'm not dressed, Alexander isn't dressed or fed, and I'm giving Anthony a shower worried that we'd miss the bus.

Fifteen minutes later, he's cleaned, dressed and sporting his pirate stuff for Talk Like a Pirate Day

Off to school he went but I still wasn't ready and Alexander missed his lunch. Which meant I couldn't go to Costco before the doctor's to make the return, I had to do it after.  Twenty minutes later I'm in the van with my little pirate #2 off to his check up.


Talking... more doctors.. more specialist.. a bigger to do list for me and before I know it, it's 2:50pm

At 3pm I'm in Costco making my return. I'm tapping my foot, hoping I get out of there to get home to meet Anthony on the bus. The line took longer than my return, then I raced in the store to get milk and paper plates pushing Alexander in the stroller.

 I was doing a jog and thought to myself I wouldn't have been able to do this 65lbs ago!

I paid, was leaving and the MILK WAS LEAKING!! The lady at the check out said she'd have someone get me a new one, but it was 3:14pm I didn't have the time. I RAN back to the milk got a new one and RAN out of the store pushing a sleeping little pirate boy.

You know how it is when you're late, you hit every red light. As the minutes were ticking down I was totally freaking that they would pull away with him.  I reached into my pocket to put my bluetooth on, just in case they called and SNAP... broke the part that goes over the ear.

I got home with less than a minute to spare because I was speeding. I thought if a cop came after me I was just going to drive home and let him give me the ticket I couldn't pay for in front of my house so I wouldn't miss Anthony. But I got home safely!!!Alexander was sleeping by this point.

When Anthony comes home from school I make him change his clothes because they have a dress code at school and I don't want the school clothes ruined. I sat down with my cold water, checked Facebook (like it's a newspaper) and I hear "Mom, oh Mom" and this is what I find.

I do not know how I stayed calm. I do not know how I didn't kill him. He knew exactly what he was doing. Then he tells me "I'm shaving just like Dad" and my heart sank. He wants the roommate's attention so badly!

To stay calm I posted all these photos on Facebook. They finish uploading and another "Mom" from Anthony. I look and see the tape measure which he got yelled at by the roommate for playing with last night, caught in the tire of his toy truck.



I can't believe this day! I got the tape measure unstuck or that would have been another nightmare with the roommate. I made Anthony put all his school clothes in a basket and got him in the bath.

As I'm cleaning up the bathroom I find my new bottle of mouth wash on the floor almost empty. He knocked that over and I guess I didn't close the top on tight enough. This is all that's left.


I give him a bath and make him come down stairs to do the laundry with me since he made the mess. Got back upstairs by 5pm to hear Alexander crying and waking up from his nap. I quick got Anthony's left overs from last night warmed up, made him sit and eat, made a bottle and started feeding Alexander.

When I heard the backup beep beep beep sounds of the roommate's truck at 5:30.. UGH I was scared. I didn't know what he would do tonight. Less than 20 minutes later I'm yelling my standard "Just SHUT UP" to him because he's mouthing off to Anthony. 

I washed a few dishes, changed the laundry, text my cousin, shook my phone a few times hoping a text message from the one who's giving me the silent treatment would come in.. but no such luck.

7pm I wiped away my tears, got my sneakers on and was working out.. F*&$THE WORLD!!!
Before

After

Showered, Facebooked, Texted, got the kids to bed and started blogging.

I'm tired, I'm burnt out. I don't think most people believe how crazy my days are. I certainly don't think the "Silent One" understands at all!!!

I hope I sleep tonight.

Hell yeah I'm back!!!

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My mind is going a mile a minute right now. I feel GREAT but so so so sore. I'm back, hell yeah I'm back, I'm back, I'm back. It's the take no prisoners DID that I want to be...well maybe I'm just improving on one of my DID names. Whatever I'm doing, I knew there was no way I was missing a work out today.

I spent the day with my newly Wireless boy and my Patches boy at Field Station: Dinosaurs and had a great day.


Then SURPRISE....... the roommate turned into a "husband" for the first time in such a long time I should have him checked for entry points for where the alien entered him... He called that he was in the area and lets meet for dinner at IHop. HOLY MOLY!

I was so happy to see the calories listed on the menu!! I ordered the Veggie Omelette

Dinner took a while and for less than a minute I thought "I was active enough today don't need to work out" And THEN the host who's been working there forever said to me "You've lost weight" I smiled and said yes and knew I would come home and push myself to do that evil Jillian Micheals 30 day Shred.

Not only did I do the work out, I did level 2 and did the whole thing! I LOVE that my abs are so sore!! My arms hurt, my legs hurt and my butt hurts. I feel GREAT!!!!

Before


Sweating like a pig

Tomorrow I weigh in with my doctor. I haven't been there in a few weeks. I also haven't been 100% either, so I don't know if the scale will move at all. It's gone up and it's gone down the last few weeks. But I'm happy and really feel that fire to push myself past that number that has been scaring me.

I'm my own worst enemy

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The days have been hard. I'm trying to focus and get organized. I can't do everything at once, but even trying to take baby steps isn't getting me any place. I miss working out. I'm swimming and walking but I miss the DVD work outs.

I haven't been faithful to MYSELF, I haven't put myself first before everything else. It's hard! The boys are demanding. I'm TIRED!!And if you have been following my blog you know the roommate is useless!

I love being home with my boys. I enjoy spending time with them and teaching Anthony things but most days it's a challenge just to get him to follow directions. He won't even stay with me in a store, maybe I should tie him to the stroller!!

This week "Code Yellow" was announced at my local Kohl's because Anthony took off. After running around the store pushing Alexander in the stroller I found him and we left. He wasn't happy to be leaving but I stuck to my guns. I count running around Kohl's pushing the stroller as a workout!!

Tonight during the daily fight with the roommate I heard myself say "Do or do not, there is no try". Shortly after I left the house with Anthony to pick up formula. For the 1 1/2 hours we were out all I could think about was "do or do not" and I have not been doing!!

When I got home I was in a different mind set and went for a late night walk. I tried to get  mapmywalk.com to work on my phone but it wouldn't! That didn't stop me, I went for my walk anyway.

I just signed up to mapmywalk.com using my computer and mapped out my walk, it was 1.75miles tonight. I plan on walking again tomorrow night. Hopefully the app will work now.

I might feel off my game and things are going slower, but there's no doubt there is a change in how I look from last fall.



The first photo I was pregnant with Alexander but really not much off from my heaviest weight not pregnant, so I'm using that photo as a before picture.

Tomorrow is my weigh in. I have no idea if I lost anything from last time. But I do know that for the next 16 days I'm going to work hard!!! 

Another day of more cleaning!

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Holy Moly I'm a cleaning machine today! I was determined to get my dining room back! And I did it. Take notice of the photos from yesterday, there was a rug under my table. After four years that Home Depot rug had seen better days. 

I couldn't stand the stains or all the pulls from all the cats. Now that I am down to two cats from my "cat lady starter kit of 1995" I've had more than enough of the fur, hair balls and meowing. I am looking forward to being CAT FREE!!! Personally I don't want any more pets, but I'm sure if my boys beg I'll give in. I'll deal with that when it happens.

So here is the pig pen at the start of my day. I really never thought I would get it done.





I sorted all the clothes, bagged them up and put them in the corner of my room. That's another project and I can only handle one at a time. All the photos came off the wall and the window treatments were taken down and washed.





I made the roommate take down the child room divider between the kitchen and dining room. It needs to be cleaned too. Since Anthony has learned to stay out of the draws and Alexander isn't walking yet, I thought it would be nice to open the space up for a while.






The roommate and Anthony went to visit to his family for the evening and I got to work. I scrubbed the floor on my hands and knees with a homemade cleaner that I found the directions for on Pinterst, washed down all the walls, wood work and doors. I made a homemade wood polish from Pinterst and applied that to everything wood. Check out the shine in the photo above.

Once it was dry I turned the table sideways, hung the window treatments back up and all the photos.





The roommate took his boxes of crap to his storage unit too!! I am so pleased with how the room looks. It's the first room you see when you open the door to our apartment. The clutter and junk was getting to me. I hated coming home....well it's the people too but at least when I open the door it will look nice.


I even put some lemons in my square vase on the sideboard under the window, see them?

I still need to neatly fold Anthony's clothes that I am keeping for Alexander, pack them in the crates and put them in the basement. Clean the kitchen counter and floor, fold some clean clothes and put them away. And clean off the hutch in the dining room that you can't see in any of the pictures.

That's all on my to do list for tomorrow. My apartment is going to be neat and clean when the Early Intervention people get here Monday morning to evaluate Alexander. 

~~~~~~~~~beep   beep    beep    beep    beep    beep   beep~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We interrupt this blog post with a special announcement. 

The four year old BOSS came home looked around my clean dining room and spotted my vase of lemons!!! He asked for the "squeezey thing" to squeeze the juice out so he could make "Lemon Juice"




He made me kill my lemons!!! I was able to save two. Guess they have to go on my shopping list.

I didn't work out per say, but I'm sure the massive cleaning counts as something. I did stick to my diet!!!

My big fat life just got a little neater and I'm starting to feel my missing mojo come back.

I'm a very emotional person!

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My moods are directly effected by the ones closest to me. And when there is too much chaos I'm in that black hole!!  Yeah I don't really want to hear I shouldn't let them bother me, because if I had figured that out I wouldn't have shoved food in my mouth all these years and I wouldn't be the moody bitch from hell that I am.

One of my BIGGEST problems is the roommate's hoarding!!! I feel like the house is falling in on me. I'm too overwhelmed with all of it, I can't figure out what to do or how to handle it. I have had people tell me throw it all out, but he goes ape shit and is scarey when you throw out his stuff... yeah yeah I can hear you guys.. call the police? Sure I call the police he gets pulled out of here, Anthony is screaming and crying, it'll be a scene. Then fine he's out.. then he'll go sleep on his Aunt's sofa or something. My biggest fear is that his family will make him cut off the money. And it's the boys who will suffer the most. I have to do this carefully and slowly.

I have been trying to clean the dining room for almost 2 weeks and it doesn't look like I did ANYTHING!!! I keep taking before pictures and there isn't one "AFTER" photo yet. Lets see how I do today.

Here is the dining room last week.




Here is the dining room today and I swear it's worse!




After 3 hours of sorting and folding and putting away here's what I had.




The minute the table was free of the clutter Anthony asked me to build him train tracks. I wonder if there's a job out there for me building train sets :-) That took me another hour to put the track together and make the bridges.




Then I continued to sort the ton of clothes.  From left to right; size 24 months/ 2t - size 12 & 18 months - to sell on ebay - stuff I want to keep and the basket in the bottom right corner is to get rid of ASAP.




What you can't see on the other side of the table are boxes from the roommate filled with stupid stuff that he thinks is important. I opened one box to see what was in there. No surprise books and junk.




That little box on the left of the above picture has this shit in it. Do you think ANY of that is important? I bet only 5 or so things are worth saving. Look there's a pen, key chain, blots, plastic wrappers from something, pieces of wire  and papers.  THIS IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM!!! This is the crap that is in his storage unit. Look under that yellow paper in the plastic bag down on the right, under that is a scratched off lottery.



I could just throw it out but I don't want to suffer any more drama. His screaming at Anthony is more than I can handle. So I'm going to make him just move this crap to his storage unit tomorrow or Sunday.

I have a plan for that stupid storage unit too. Next year when I do the taxes, I'm making him open his own bank account and putting money in it. . I will also set up his pay check to deposit some money into that account as well. I will change the storage unit to come out of that account. I will tell him that his account, he can do whatever he wants with it.  Give it some time and he'll blow through that money and won't have enough for his storage unit and I don't give a crap what happens after that!! He needs his own account and needs to learn how to take care of his money.

I somehow did the dishes, cooked dinner, cleaned off the counter, fed the kids, sorted more clothes, bagged up 2 bags to give away, another 2 baskets of clothes to give to someone who needs clothes and then......

Anthony asked "Can we go to the park?" it was just about 7pm at this point. I opened the back door, decided it wasn't too hot and packed the cooler with drinks. The bags of clothes to get rid of went in the van. I sent the roommate and Anthony off to do that and then go to the park, while I pushed Alexander in the stroller for 1 1/2 hours!!! which equals 3 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did a drive around the blocks to figure out a route that equaled a mile. I ended up with 1.3 miles. I was running out of daylight but really was pushing to get the last round done. But when Alex started crying I knew he needed to be fed so I didn't finish the last loop around the dead end. If I had finished I would have done 3.9 miles but since I didn't finish I'm estimating it was 3 miles or so.

Some of it I ran but mostly I walked. I was so grateful for all the people who water their lawn at night. I parked the stroller and ran through the sprinklers. Talk about sweating like a pig. My legs are BURNING but I feel sooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!! 

When my phone went off and I heard "wwoo hoo text message" that just pushed me more. I'm amazed how when those who matter most to me are around how much better I feel. I think it proves I need to get away from the saboteur and the roommate who bring me down!!! Oh and lets add my brother into that mix too!!!

I am also thrilled to report I stayed 100% on my diet plan! Go me! What a day. I have plans to push myself again tomorrow. Work more on the dining room, swim with the kids and walk again. And most of all I can't wait to hear my phone say "wooo hoo text message" all day long! GOT THAT?????????



 

Day 89 - the new day 4 ....

Someone needs to remind me I am calmer, I think more clearly, I'm less emotional therefore less melt downs...WHEN I WORK OUT!!!!  Did you got that "someone"?!?
If I miss two days of working out you better make sure there isn't a 3rd day, unless I'm in bed with the flu!


While I was working out...and since I always put Jillian Michaels on mute... I get a lot of thoughts... today in my rambling brain, I wondered a few things but these are the highlights:
Why anyone would listen to me when I said "You MUST join Facebook" and
"When would I have to start my last 90 Challenge to make it end on June 1, 2013 when I do the Spartan Race?"

I pushed myself through the No More Trouble Zones by telling myself "You want to climb the rope" and started making a list of things I want to improve in my work outs or increase. I am no longer counting the number on the scale as my goals. I am counting what I am able to do as my goals and my increases stamina.


Today I did 2 sets of 32 jumping jacks, one set of burpees although I didn't count them I was just focused on doing them. I did 8 push ups in plank position and I have been working on doing some of the exercises on this DVD that I used to say "OMG I CAN'T DO THAT" even the stretches she does at the end seemed unreachable to me.

I do have to stop once in a while and I can't do as many as reps as the girls in the DVD but believe me I am working on it. There was a point just 5 months ago I didn't do any jumping jacks! I just marched in place and slowly pushed myself to do 10. I'll be up to 40 soon and these other things I can't handle I'll get there!!!

 When I sat down to feed Alexander I went to timeanddate.com to figure out my question about when my 90 days would have to start to end on June 1. Here's the break down
March 3, 2013 to June 1, 2013 - 90 days
Dec 2, 2012 to March 2, 2013 - 90 days
Sept 2, 2012 to Dec 1, 2012 - 90 days
which makes my next 90 challenge only 85 days from Friday June 8 to Sept 1.... but if I wanted it to be the full 90 it would have started on June 3... which is the day I signed up for the Sparta Race!!! So I decided my this 90 day challenge  is going to overlap a few days with my next one. I love the thought of my sign up being the start of my new "push yourself until you can have lick-able abs next year" challenge. I know just who's gonna lick them too.


When Anthony came home from school it was errand time!- Its my daily blah blah blah

First to Dee's Florist to order Boutonnieres and Wristlets
To the dry cleaners to pick up Anthony's Christening outfit which Alexander will be wearing
Next stop Mommy gets her favorite

To the dollar store where I thought I wasn't getting anything then I found nail polish I might try and frames for all the pictures of the boys we are giving to our Aunts


I ordered Chinese Food and then went to Kohl's in search of black shirts for the boys to wear for our Perosi Family pictures on Saturday. We came out and were thrilled to see a beautiful double rainbow


I had to hunt someone down to take our picture - and umm the leg on my jeans looks baggy!! Can that be?? I just bought them on April 17th.



Off to A&P for milk


Finally home, fed Anthony and gave Alexander a bottle, cleaned up the dinning room.. well the table is cleared off there are still crates of baby clothes that have to go back in the basement. Anthony had a bath, watched a moving, I continued to try and clean up while the roommate was busy doing something on his computer. And here I am finally blogging!

I forgot to post these photos yesterday. A few of the sundresses I ordered came in.




See that damn sock in the picture? it's the roommates, he dropped it and didn't pick it up. I'm going to have to pick it up, I'm sick of looking at it.

Well I guess I'm done with my blah blah blah. I have really been feeling great the last 3 days! Working out does wonder.

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$