Day 47 - Art Show

 I can't stop smiling from this wonderful day.  I knew I had to get my work out in before I left to help at my son's school. This morning I had to get a file over to Twiggy and then I was making plans for the tournament I'm going to in July, I was so busy I forgot to take my before picture.

It took me longer than I thought to get myself ready and pack everything I needed for the day, but when I was finally dressed and ready to walk out of the house I FELT GREAT IN MY NEW CLOTHES. When I walked into the school gym, Anthony's aid said she hadn't seen me in a long time and I looked great. I really love that people are noticing, it really makes me want to work harder. I felt so good, that I swear I even felt taller. I walked around help set up and did whatever they asked me to do.


When the saboteur got there with my Aunt and Uncle she would make this pissy face every time someone said they could see how much weight I lost.

When my friend Denise's sister and parents got there, the saboteur actually walked away with her pissy face. I had such a GRIN because I knew it was eating at her. She just loves to tell me how fat I am but she can't really do that with everyone else saying they can see the change.

Boyfriend told me to ask to borrow her clothes and then give them back and say they are too big. I think what happen tonight was better! But I will sneak into her room and put on a pair of her jeans to check to see if they are too big. Then I'll be doing the happy dance :-)

You might be wondering why it's such a big deal about her. In 2009 I found this doctor I asked her for MONTHS to watch Anthony for me to go and see what it was about. She was too busy, or she forgot, or she had things to do. Meanwhile she was losing weight and looking good and every time she had on something new I told her she looked good. Her replies were always something nasty like "I'm starving myself" or "I go to be hungry" crap like that. She was saying this to other people too. I don't know why it's so hard to say "Thank you, I'm working hard"

One day I was out of milk so I went into her apartment to borrow some. In her refrigerator was all these bottles of shakes. I took one out, looked at it and read that it was from The Center for Medical Weight Loss. I went back upstairs and cried and cried. I couldn't believe she was that much of a B!TCH to actually go to the doctor I had been trying to get too. And this is not the first time she did this to me with a diet.

She SCREAMED at me in 6th grade when I was 100lbs and had started developing in 2nd grade and hit puberty by 4th! By 6th grade when all my friends were just starting to get boobs, I was done growing and a kid in a woman's body with a C cup. I was NOT FAT! I know that now, but I didn't know it then. She put me on a diet making me eat things I still hate. She swore she would do the diet with me.

One day she forgot to pack the dressing for my salad in my lunch, because she was a teacher in the school I was in, I went to the teachers room to ask her for some of her dressing. I hoped the door to the teachers room, looked for her and saw her sitting there having Chinese food and not the gross salad she packed for me. I looked at her, started to cry and walked out. She didn't come after me, she didn't talk to me that night and that was the end of that diet. I had a sandwich the next day.

There is something wrong with this woman. This is not how you should act with your children. There's nothing I wouldn't do to help my children, especially when it comes to their health. All of you who know all the details of my two boys know that's true. I need to be healthy enough to raise them, I need to be a good roll model. The have to learn good habits from me! 

Back to the Art Show...I am going to have to give in and say boyfriend is right, people are sensing my confidence because several people (mostly guys) were asking about the frames and how much.  One guy was talking to me so long that his wife came over and gave him a dirty look. I thought it was funny! I was pushing around a baby in a stroller after all.

We took a few pictures of my little artist. Here he is holding up his Andy Warhol inspired sponge painting of his name and a few favorite letters.

And this is my favorite of me and my little artist. He even has a Wubbzy Artist eye patch on.

 I posted this on facebook tonight to brag about my little masterpiece. I was NOT expecting the comments that followed:

Cousin Chris posts: Look how skinny his mom is getting!!!! I saw you 3 - 4 weeks ago, and you've definitely lost visibly since then!
Cheryl said: MAria: you look aawesome!!!!
Cousin Arlena said: You really look great in this pix! Great job!
Cara said: Oh my heck, girlie.... you look fantastic!
Jenn said: you are the incredible shrinking woman....just amazing!
Kelly M. said: you look amazing, keep up the good work!!!

And the grin from their comments and likes has been on my face for HOURS!! Even when the roommate started fighting with me, I started fighting back, but then stopped myself and said "You are NOT worth it" because he couldn't find WIPES when the whole case was on the floor next to him!


And the last BIG thing of today, The Center for Medical Weight Loss asked me "Do you mind if we post your pic to give everyone a bit of encouragement?" and "Would also love to have you on our main site as a Success Story!"
 I told them I'm not a success yet!!! I'm a "getting there" story

See you tomorrow after I do my work out!!! And again I can't wait to do it. I am going to add in a little of the ab dvd too, then I'll really be sweating like a pig.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 44 - my "other" birthday

Ignore the title it's not for you. :-)

Like I said yesterday I got up and worked out, well after I had a cup of coffee first. I started listening to music  during my work outs instead of hearing that Evil Bitch Talk during the 30 day shred. I am doing much better pushing myself too. In fact today I did 4 push ups. Holy Moly those are hard! But I know the more I keep pushing the more I will do.
Before





I sweat so much I should be a tester for deodorants! I could also be a tester for sports bras!!!

I showered and started to get dressed. I am really having a hard time with clothes, nothing fits correctly besides my shoes. I can't wait to go shopping with Jenn on May 12! I posted this picture and my cousin Michele said "Yep...clothes are too big!"




Well I have to deal for a little while. I am making my shopping list: a dress for my cousin's wedding, pair of jeans, pair of shorts, sports bra, 3 shirts, that has to get me through the summer. Then I am hoping by September I need to get even smaller clothes, well maybe October :-)

Off to Harmon, Babies R Us and the A&P I went. Something keeps happening when I go food shopping... I am getting checked out! WTF?? I am no where near a healthy weight but yet every time I am out some guy checks me out. The first couple times I ignored it, but a few guys have stopped to talk to me and when they do they all look at my ring finger to see if I am married. I'm flattered but don't get it! I certainly didn't get checked out when the scale was the same number and going up.

I set a text to boyfriend, the one who makes me smile, not the one who will hide the body. He said "You feel good about you... guys sense that" It's still hard to believe that's all it takes to be noticed by a guy.  How come I didn't get the memo on this years ago? lol


I got home and waited for my mom to come home from her vacation. My brother came over and he told her about our cousin's passing. It went just like I thought, she was in and out of shock and crying. We took her over to see my aunt and cousin after we told her and stayed there for two hours. I got her home poured her a glass of wine and talked for another 2 hours. She's going to be upset for a while but she'll be okay.

Now before we told her, this happened...and I swear I would have just went back to my apartment if we didn't have to tell her anything.

My brother looked different, new glasses? new hair cut? so I said you look good, you look different are those new glasses? (he usually wears contacts that's what it was) He said no, then my mom jumps in with "he's tall and thin and his hair is dark"  My brother says "look at Maria she's thin" to which she replies with "she'll get there" AND THAT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN IS WHY SHE'S KNOWN AS THE SABOTEUR

 Here are the numbers depending on where you want to count down from:

• From when I first started the diet in 2010 to today I am down 44.5lbs
• I was at my heaviest when I gave birth to both my boys reaching the same number on the scale. So from this past Nov 3 when I gave birth to Alexander to today I am down 71.5lbs!
• From the weigh in when I started the diet again after I had Alex (which is what I am counting) I am down 34lbs

And tonight was the saboteur's first comment in months. Last time she said anything it was "I can't tell" sometime in February when I was down about 20lbs. I wonder if I give her a few bags of potatoes to carry if she'll notice 34lbs? She can go suck a lemon but it better not be one of my 3 lemon limit!

Time for bed, then up to do my work out :-)
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Day 42 -"motivated, determination, inspiration"

"motivated, determination, inspiration" from cousin Michele, Angel and Jenn. Denise added "I still need some of what you got!" I'm so surprised when someone says anything like that, I still don't see myself like that. It's about my health, it's about changing my life, it's about not dying and leaving these two little boys. It's about making sure we all lead a healthy lifestyle. If they don't learn it from me, who's going to teach them?

Every Friday I get excited and nervous about heading over to Dr. Ransom. He's always so nice and supportive about everything. Even when there is something coming up he will help me with ways to get through that event. I just always think any scale HATES ME...lol But it seems this super duper scale they have is in love with me. :-)

I like to do all the settings and the girls let me, so I put in my height, then female, put my age in, grab the handles and close my eyes and say to myself "Please please please let me have at least lost a pound" When I opened my eyes to see the number today, I COULDN'T EVEN DO THE MATH THAT FAST!  I kept saying "How much is that? how much?"  Until Jen said it's 4.5lbs!!!!! (can you see my smile?)

That is for two weeks not one. Dr Ransom was on vacation last week. Prior to this my personal best for two weeks was 4lbs which was on March 2, 2012 before I started my 90 day challenge and I didn't even blog about it. My personal best for one week is 3.5lbs on March 23, 2012. And only one week I didn't lose anything, I went up .5 of muscle and down .5 of fat, so I broke even which was on March 30, 2012.

I did a few errands after the doctor's, then waiting for Anthony to come home while talking to my cousin Michele. Anthony had a snack, I fed Alexander then Twiggy sent me a text asking if we could go for a walk. Out the door we went, Anthony running and me pushing Alex in the stroller.

The streets around here are all hill, so I knew it would be a work out just pushing Alex. And then I added a run from the turn around the block from one corner to the next up hill!! I thought I was going to die, my legs are still burning. We did this 4 times.  I am going to keep doing this until I can run some more.

I got home made dinner for the roommate and Anthony while they ran out to do an errand. Since it was quiet with just me and Alex I put in the 30 day shred and worked out.

Before and After




I am really surprising myself. I am so happy my ticker moved down and I'm really on my way to this next goal.
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Day 33 - Alexander and the Monitor

Today was a big important day here. Alexander had a follow up appointment with his heart doctor about the monitor he is on. I got all of us ready and in the van. Anthony even put the seat belt on his horses Giddy Up & Jumper.






When I arrived I was given a bill over 1,000 that the insurance didn't cover!! And that's when I headache started!!! These doctor bills are killing us.

The doctor examined Alexander, he asked me some questions and reviewed the monitor downloads. My little guy is still having breathing episodes so the monitor will be staying on another 2 months at least. And he might want to do a sleep study on him. I have to call if Alexander has any bad episodes. They are all bad to me!





I called my aunt on the way home to see if there was any more news about the tragic death of my younger cousin. At that point she still didn't know anything more than what was on the news and listed on nj.com.

Anthony decided he was going to play in the sink while I was feeding Alex. When I got up to see how much of a mess he made, I decided to film some of it and the little monkey made it RAIN. If for some reason you can't see the rain video just click here to view it.

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Shortly after that my mom called from her trip to find out how Alexander did at the doctors. It was very hard to hold it together and not tell her. She started crying when I told her the monitor was staying on for another 2 months. We are making the right call not telling her. By now my headache was really bad and all I could think about was eating the left over chocolate cake from Easter.

I sent out several SOS texts for help because I knew I wasn't strong enough on my own to control myself. I know I'm an emotional eater and I'm having a hard time. Cheryl and Jenn came to the rescue with support and both of them told me to throw it away. Cheryl sang me a song and Jenn told me to think of ya-yas....which if you don't know what it is, I'm not telling ;-)

Anthony wanted to watch a movie and I wanted to lay down, so it was a win win. My aunt called just as we were getting settled for our movie/nap time to tell me the autopsy came back. He died from a brain aneurysm. Now we just have to wait to hear about the funeral plans.

The roommate came home about 6:30pm and I took a nap! I ended up getting a late workout in, but I did do it! Here's my before and after pictures.




It was another long and stressful day and I really missed hearing from my favorite boyfriend, but glad my other boyfriend and friends were around to help me deal.

It's almost 1:30am I have to give Alex a bottle and get to bed! Even Anthony is still up leaning over my shoulder watching me blog. He just said "Mom those pictures look gorgeous

I hope tomorrow is a better day.
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Day 31 - back on track

Happy Monday and Happy I got my big fat @$$ back on track day. Told you I wouldn't let the eating continue. I have to make that size 18 look good not just zip it up!!

It was a long day, since Anthony is home from school. It's 10:39pm and this kid is still going!!! He just never stops, so I'm trying to get him to do the work outs with me hoping it will tire out the ADHD kid.. no luck! Meanwhile I am ready to go to bed RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

My friend Jenn is also doing Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. She also hates the evil B!t(h, but my ass is getting smaller. In February my roommate took full body pictures of me. We are going to take them again some times this week. I can't wait to see the change. I know there's a change, the jeans I was wearing in February I need a belt to hold up.

Here I am tonight with Anthony at the start of the work out.


Anthony gave up, so here I am done 30 minutes later.


Good thing I don't have a weigh in on Friday, I jumped on my scale tonight and got scared by the number I saw! I don't like when I see it go up even a little bit. I need to focus, work hard and next week I hope to have at least another 2lbs off my big fat ass!

See you tomorrw
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 29 - more celebrating!

Just because I didn't blog today in a timely manner does not mean I didn't work out. I got up, had my cup of coffee, chilled for a little bit, then put my work out stuff on and my new sneakers and put that evil woman Jillian Michaels in the DVD player.




Before & After


As I was getting ready to get in the shower, I noticed a voice mail on my cell. When I finally check it there was a message from Jenn, she said very slowly "Jillian Michaels must die". I couldn't stop laughing. She bought the 30 day shred video that I've been doing. I felt just like that when I started last month. I sometimes still yell at the evil Ms. Michaels....especially when she says things like "you can't phone it in" WHO AM I PHONING YOU B!t(h? MY FAT @$$ IS DYING I CAN'T EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE!

Later in the afternoon I had to do a little food shopping and pick up wine for tonight's dinner at my Aunt's house. Something is starting to happen that is new for me, guys are looking at me and smiling!! I'm SHOCKED! I'm no where near my goal weight, I am still as big as a house, but yet in the last few weeks I have had different guys smile at me, talk to me and one came right out and I was so pretty he got excited! I was floored by that guy. Then again today, TWICE in the A&P two different guys gave me that look and then one leaving Buy Buy Baby.

I sent a text to Cheryl and a few other people because this new phenomenon is....umm...  overwhelming... too much for me...surprising...I think the right word is EXCITING, well after I get over the initial shock. Cheryl's theory is that I have confidence and that's some how drawing people to me. Plus I always have this GRIN on my face because someone keeps making me smile, so between this grin and confidence I'm getting lots of smiles and looks.



me today coming home from the A&P

At 6pm we went over to my Aunt & Uncle's to celebrate my birthday and my Uncle's birthday. My cousin Chris cooked up a FEAST!! There was so much yummy food, I totally went over my calories for the day.





I couldn't finish my food so Chris sent me home with a doggie bag. Everything was so good! I had such a good time. I love when I get together with my family.

Tomorrow.. well Today.. in a few hours, I'm cooking a ham, sweet potatoes, veggies and making a salad for Easter dinner. I will control myself much better than I did tonight. And no matter WHAT Monday morning I am 100% back on my diet plan.

See you tomorrow
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 28 - GOAL MET - TICKER RESET!!!

Every Friday I get so nervous about what that stupid scale is going to say. Today Jenn asked ask a simple question...why do I get nervous? I realized my self worth is tied into that number on the scale. It's going to take more therapy to fix that!!

Turns out the scale loved me this week. Even with being sick I lost 2.5lbs and reached my first goal for the year 2 months before I thought I would! I am now at the same weight I was when the doctor confirmed I was pregnant with Alexander. As it turns out, that was a year ago TODAY! April 6th. I knew I was pregnant for two weeks but it was too soon to take a home test. I couldn't wait anymore, went to the doc, got a blood test and ...well now we have Alex!

I changed my ticker to show I reached my goal and put up a new one with a new goal of another 10lbs. I decided I will work with shorter goals from here on out. Telling myself I am going to lose 10lbs is much easier for me.

Anthony had no school today and with him underfoot working out is harder. By the time I got myself ready and started my Boyfriend (the one that will hide the body) texted me and told me to be ready in 30 minutes for our date!!!

I took my before picture but there is no after picture because I went to the movies! And I don't feel bad one little bit! I haven't been to a movie since Toy Story 3!





Tomorrow is another day. When I get up the FIRST THING I will do is work out!

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Day 26 - work out 2 - HAPPY Birthday to ME!!!

I have a LOT to say.. so grab your cup of coffee, or water or whatever you drink and read my blog!!

I've said a few times how much I HATE my birthday, I didn't expect anything else for today so I was very surprised that it didn't suck! I was almost correct when I said last night that my "Boyfriend who makes me smile" would be the first one to wish me a Happy Birthday. Jenn's text message beat his in by seconds!!

Alex and I went to bed late and that stupid monitor went off a few times which means I didn't get a good night's sleep. I jumped up out of bed at 6am thinking it was much later. Took me a minute to realize it wasn't 9am :-) Went back to sleep jumped up again at 8:30 and saw that my -roommate- aka current husband was still in bed. I woke him up thinking he was late for work and that's when I found out he took the day off to surprise me and take me and the boys to Calandra's. If you have been reading my blog you know I FREAKED when the  saboteur wanted to take me there last week. Read  Day 21 - Help! The bread is trying to get me

I was SO UPSET!!! This is why the roommate and I have been having problems for so many years. He NEVER listens to me. Some might say "well he's trying" TRYING?????????? I am losing weight.. not TRYING to lose weight. And if he ever bothered to read my blog when I started it, or asked me each week how I was doing on the diet, he would know the LAST THING I wanted to do was go out to lunch or dinner, unless there was JUST A SALAD involved.

My cousin is making me dinner on Saturday night, which I'm planning on eating then. On Sunday we have Easter. I'm cooking so I know I can control what I put in my mouth. I didn't want to add any more calorie intake that I had to this week. I have a GOAL to get to!!!!! THAT IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.

I couldn't even deal with the emotions I was feeling. I actually felt SET UP TO FAIL. I sent Cheryl a text and a few other people. I was so pissed I gave myself a headache. When Alexander started crying I told the roommate to feed him and I went back to bed.

That little nap I had made me feel better so I was able to reclaim the day for ME!!!  I decided if he was taking the day off he could do things that he's been lazy about like put the Christmas tree in the basement and take care of the boys while I go for a pedicure.  I thought Twiggy might come with me, but she went to her brothers. As I was about to walk out the door, the saboteur said she was going tomorrow and asked to come with me. Off we went.

I treated myself to a spa pedicure. I was in heaven! I had my favorite coffee, resting in the massage chair, listening to music and having my legs rubbed. I even treated myself to a manicure, which I never get since I usually do my nails myself. (used to work in a salon as a nail tech if you don't know.)



I felt GREAT, happy and relaxed. I had a smile on my face when I walked in the door. And I remembered I have a Birthday t-shirt! So I went looking in that bottom draw for it, put it on and this is what I saw.



NEVERMIND!!!! That shirt is WAY to big, I'll stick with this one.



Now the plan was the boys would have dinner and we would all go to Target... UNTIL Anthony started acting like demon boy from hell! No way I was I letting him ruin how great I was feeling and now add that my birthday shirt looks like a tent on me, I wanted to get out of the house fast.

I was just going to head to the mall alone but decided to pick up the phone and call Jenn to see if she could meet me at Rockaway. She was planning on visiting me tomorrow so I took a change and luckily she was free. So I rushed out the door headed to Rockaway Mall, singing to the CD my cousin Chris made me.

Jenn who also has lost weight knows how I was feeling about eating a big meal.


Me and Jenn in 2005 on her wedding day

Me and Jenn tonight

She told me she was taking me out for a salad, we also shared an order of calamari and I did NOT stick to my 3 lemon limit - GOT THAT...LMAO

I was laughing so hard and having so much fun joking about this stupid lemon limit.. I swear for such a little stupid joke, I laugh my butt off over it all the time.

Next we went shoe shopping.. and I'm thrilled to say I found shoes for my dress for the Christening, casual cute black shoes and SNEAKERS!!!!!! Well Jenn surprised me and paid for my sneakers!!!!!! Thank you so much Jenn! You know how hard I'm working to get my big fat @$$ to be a little @$$
Hear that Cheryl? I got sneakers!!! I can start walking now.


Here are my cute new shoes


Next I told Jenn I needed a belt because I don't want to buy new jeans yet. Happy to say my jeans are now staying up. I also asked to get measured for a new bra because I could feel how big my bras are getting. I broke down in tears when she told me. 40DDD I was wearing 48DDD!!!!! So I now have 3 new bras.. and no I'm not posting a picture of them :-P

I headed home with one thing on my mind..WORKING OUT!!

When I got in, my baby boy was sleeping, my brat boy was still up. I showed him my new shoes for the Christening dress. Then I asked the roommate to get the dresses out of the closet, I wanted to see how it looked with the shoes. I put my new bra on and put on that size 18, wondering how much more I could get it zipped up.

A picture is worth a thousand words


It was only on March 21 when I picked up that size 18 from the store!!! If you missed that blog click here to read it. yeah I know it's still a little tight, but I ZIPPED IT!!! Only TWO weeks ago we couldn't get it zipped!



I am thrilled!!!!! I will keep on working hard. Guess those killer Jillian Michaels work outs are working!!!  I changed and did my work out at 11:04pm! I was not missing another day.

Before

Since the ADHD boy was still up he was doing jumping jacks with me

After


My birthday turned out GREAT!!!!!
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