My walking buddy

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I must say I'm shocked by the scale today. I totally didn't expect to even see it go down. When I get upset I shove food in my mouth. And I've been upset a lot lately. Even tonight... right now the roommate is fighting with Anthony.

The roommate left the door open, I closed it and asked him why he didn't close the door. In a typical child like manner he said "Anthony was the one who was behind me" Really? blaming the child for not closing the door? It's this every day stuff that has just gotten to me over the years!

Anyway I was super pleased with myself today at the weigh in despite my need to eat food when I'm mad. I'm 7.5 pounds away from my next goal.. and I'm going to push hard for these 7.5lbs and that means focus, determination and blogging every day!

If you don't see a new post by me in the morning then YELL AT ME!! Got that Cheryl? 

I went to the eye doctor today for the first time in about 20 years. Alexander was with me all day while Anthony stayed home with the saboteur.  He was so good all day with me.
I didn't know they were going to dilate my eyes. I drove home very slowly and couldn't move around because I couldn't see! I don't know how Anthony deals with his eye problems!! He had to help me walk into the kitchen to get him a drink.

I called the roommate and put it in terms he understood. GET YOUR ASS HOME I CAN'T SEE. To my surprise that worked, he got home about 5:40pm and I slept off the dizzy feeling I had from seeing blurry.

At 8pm I woke up, changed my clothes and out the door I went for a walk with Twiggy. I am so happy she lives around the corner! It's so much better to walk with someone else.

The moon was AWESOME tonight! My cell phone didn't get a good photo but it was great. I hope you got to see it if you were out tonight.

I am feeling good, strong and determined... I haven't felt this good in a few months. I want to meet this next goal before the end of the month!

I'm a very emotional person!

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My moods are directly effected by the ones closest to me. And when there is too much chaos I'm in that black hole!!  Yeah I don't really want to hear I shouldn't let them bother me, because if I had figured that out I wouldn't have shoved food in my mouth all these years and I wouldn't be the moody bitch from hell that I am.

One of my BIGGEST problems is the roommate's hoarding!!! I feel like the house is falling in on me. I'm too overwhelmed with all of it, I can't figure out what to do or how to handle it. I have had people tell me throw it all out, but he goes ape shit and is scarey when you throw out his stuff... yeah yeah I can hear you guys.. call the police? Sure I call the police he gets pulled out of here, Anthony is screaming and crying, it'll be a scene. Then fine he's out.. then he'll go sleep on his Aunt's sofa or something. My biggest fear is that his family will make him cut off the money. And it's the boys who will suffer the most. I have to do this carefully and slowly.

I have been trying to clean the dining room for almost 2 weeks and it doesn't look like I did ANYTHING!!! I keep taking before pictures and there isn't one "AFTER" photo yet. Lets see how I do today.

Here is the dining room last week.




Here is the dining room today and I swear it's worse!




After 3 hours of sorting and folding and putting away here's what I had.




The minute the table was free of the clutter Anthony asked me to build him train tracks. I wonder if there's a job out there for me building train sets :-) That took me another hour to put the track together and make the bridges.




Then I continued to sort the ton of clothes.  From left to right; size 24 months/ 2t - size 12 & 18 months - to sell on ebay - stuff I want to keep and the basket in the bottom right corner is to get rid of ASAP.




What you can't see on the other side of the table are boxes from the roommate filled with stupid stuff that he thinks is important. I opened one box to see what was in there. No surprise books and junk.




That little box on the left of the above picture has this shit in it. Do you think ANY of that is important? I bet only 5 or so things are worth saving. Look there's a pen, key chain, blots, plastic wrappers from something, pieces of wire  and papers.  THIS IS WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO HIM!!! This is the crap that is in his storage unit. Look under that yellow paper in the plastic bag down on the right, under that is a scratched off lottery.



I could just throw it out but I don't want to suffer any more drama. His screaming at Anthony is more than I can handle. So I'm going to make him just move this crap to his storage unit tomorrow or Sunday.

I have a plan for that stupid storage unit too. Next year when I do the taxes, I'm making him open his own bank account and putting money in it. . I will also set up his pay check to deposit some money into that account as well. I will change the storage unit to come out of that account. I will tell him that his account, he can do whatever he wants with it.  Give it some time and he'll blow through that money and won't have enough for his storage unit and I don't give a crap what happens after that!! He needs his own account and needs to learn how to take care of his money.

I somehow did the dishes, cooked dinner, cleaned off the counter, fed the kids, sorted more clothes, bagged up 2 bags to give away, another 2 baskets of clothes to give to someone who needs clothes and then......

Anthony asked "Can we go to the park?" it was just about 7pm at this point. I opened the back door, decided it wasn't too hot and packed the cooler with drinks. The bags of clothes to get rid of went in the van. I sent the roommate and Anthony off to do that and then go to the park, while I pushed Alexander in the stroller for 1 1/2 hours!!! which equals 3 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did a drive around the blocks to figure out a route that equaled a mile. I ended up with 1.3 miles. I was running out of daylight but really was pushing to get the last round done. But when Alex started crying I knew he needed to be fed so I didn't finish the last loop around the dead end. If I had finished I would have done 3.9 miles but since I didn't finish I'm estimating it was 3 miles or so.

Some of it I ran but mostly I walked. I was so grateful for all the people who water their lawn at night. I parked the stroller and ran through the sprinklers. Talk about sweating like a pig. My legs are BURNING but I feel sooooooooooooooooooo good!!!!! 

When my phone went off and I heard "wwoo hoo text message" that just pushed me more. I'm amazed how when those who matter most to me are around how much better I feel. I think it proves I need to get away from the saboteur and the roommate who bring me down!!! Oh and lets add my brother into that mix too!!!

I am also thrilled to report I stayed 100% on my diet plan! Go me! What a day. I have plans to push myself again tomorrow. Work more on the dining room, swim with the kids and walk again. And most of all I can't wait to hear my phone say "wooo hoo text message" all day long! GOT THAT?????????



 

Day 60 - you might notice...

If you check my blog regularly you'll notice the ticker area has changed. I did reset the top ticker last Friday when I surprisingly met my 2nd goal. But I thought about it and decided it's better to list the goals instead of having a collection of tickers on the side. It looks like this now:

Started Dec 30, 2011
Objective to have a healthy BMI and lifestyle, eat right and exercise:
1 st goal lose 29.5 lbs - goal met on April 6, 2012
2nd goal lose 10.0 lbs - goal met on May 4, 2012
3 rd goal lose 24.0 lbs -




Yes there is a  reason my weight lost goals are crazy numbers.  My first goal was to get off everything I had gained back while pregnant with Alexander, that's the 29.5 lbs. My 2nd goal was more like a WOW can I get off another 10lbs before the Christening? My 3rd goal is chasing after a number I haven't seen on the scale in YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

My weight fat needs to fall between 22% and 34% so I have no idea where I will end up on the scale. But my goal isn't really about the number anymore it's about being strong, healthy and in control.

I did Jillian Michaels No more Trouble Zones again today and must say I miss 30 day Shred!! Even push ups seem harder. I was doing two sets of 7 now with the circuit she has them in, I can only do 1 set of 5! Holy cow I'm hurting! The back of my arms are about to break, the sides of my thighs feel like they are on fire, even my ass is sore! My big fat ass is sore...LOL


Here I am feeling like "yeah I can do this"



Here I am saying "why they hell did I start taking pictures, I'm so tired I want to die"




I still have a list of  things to do today, but right now Anthony is hanging with Nonna, Alexander finally fell asleep and I'm thinking a mini nap would be good too!!!  I was going for a walk/run today but AGAIN it's raining!

In other news, Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week. But things keep changing and I miss my favorite day of the week. Last Tuesday I messed up my favorite day with my damn melt down. This Tuesday was changed do to unforeseen circumstances. I am getting a little mad at the universe for screwing up my favorite day of the week!!






Ready for Wednesday! 
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 52 -This one is JUST right

I stayed up much later than I wanted to reading 50 Shades of Gray. When Anthony came bouncing out of bed like he does very morning, I was really kicking myself in my big fat ass for staying up so late. I will not make the same mistake tonight, plus I'm in no mood for Mr. Grey. In fact he would hate me tonight because I'm breaking a rule and doing it on purpose! so take that Mr. Grey

I had a nice morning with my boys and when Anthony got on the bus I came in to face the evil Ms. Michaels! I've been doing the 30 Day Shred for some time now, so I thought it was to go back to No More Trouble Zones.

I was right! My shoulders, back and legs hurt...but that good hurt from working out. I will be sticking with this DVD and doing those dreaded Surrender Exercise. I was doing pretty well with the work out, was almost done, but the phone was ringing and it was the doctor's office, they needed to reschedule my Friday appointment. Then Alex started his little fussing that he does when he's hungry, so 30 minutes was all I got in of the 40 minute work out.

When Anthony came home from school we went right to his dentist appointment. He had his check up and teeth cleaned. Then Nonna treated him to his favorite pizza, eggplant parm pizza. Anthony stayed downstairs by her, Alex up by me, then the roommate came home and I just needed to get out of the house and be alone. So I decided I would return the bigger dresses, but not before trying them all on again one last time.

If you missed any of the Quest for the Dress posts, the story begins with my post from March 11. Then continues on March 21 and a very happy me on April 4th.
Here I am today in the size 22 that I bought first. This one is too too big

This is me in the 20 - This one is too big

And the size 18 is JUST right - well almost just right and I still have a whole month to work on my belly!
If you ask me I think you can tell by my face I needed some down time. 

I got to Lane Bryant to return the dresses and the woman asked "Why are you returning them?" even though I was moody I was happy to answer "They are too big"

Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 46 - I have NOTHING to wear!

I did my work out shortly after Anthony went to school. I pushed harder and was able to do 4 push ups in plank position. I remember when I couldn't even hold myself up in plank and that was just in January. Tomorrow I will try for 5, but I know it will take a few days to get it. I like these physical fitness goals I give myself, it makes my journey about being healthy and fit not just a number on the scale.

Here I am at my computer getting ready to work out and here I am with my cheering section that fell asleep while watching me work out.
As I was getting dressed to go get a hair cut I really am having problems finding things to wear that fit me correctly. My jeans are all too big. The pair I'm wearing right now are so loose, I can pull them up to my bra!  They are baggy around the knees, they just look horrible. Which is FREAKING me out because tomorrow I am volunteering at my son's school and the last thing I want to look like is a slob. So I think after I get my hair cut I'm going to go to the Avenue and see if I can find a better pair of jeans. I just can't wait to go shopping on May 12 with Jenn, just no way!
Can you tell my jeans are big in this picture???
Jackie at Moda Salon did my color, cut and blow out in less and 2 hours. I love my hair. The roommate was home by then so I dropped Alex off to him to go on my mission to find jeans. Off to the Avenue where I brought 6 pairs of jeans into the dressing room to try on.
None of those jeans worked so off to Lane Bryant I went. The woman working there all helped me find straight leg petite jeans, in the dressing room and was thrilled to get my big fat ass into those 18!! They are just a little snug around the hips but no way was I buying a 20! These 18s will last me all summer until the autumn when I will go shopping for a smaller size GRIN!!
I was so happy I looked for a new shirt, the lady handed me a 14/16!! She's crazy I took the 18/20 in the dressing room. Here I am in the 18 jeans and 18/20 shirt.

I walked out of the dressing room and now two woman are telling me the shirt is too big and tell me to try on the 14/16 All I see is my big fat belly, so now they give me a pair of spanks and send me back in. This time I try on the purple shirt.

Yeah it looks better but I still see my big fat belly. I need to do more crunches, reverse crunches and bicycle crunches. I might have to try that Jillian Michaels 6 week 6 pack again. It was so hard for me I couldn't do most of the moves, so I will add it to the 30 shred and do what I can.

I started talking with the sales lady about how long she's worked there and I said I've been shopping here for almost 20 years. She said she didn't remember seeing me before. Then since I was THE QUEEN OF THE NILE over what size shirt, she asked me about my diet. I really need to start carrying a before picture with me, so I took out my drivers license to show her. 

She looked at the picture then looked up at me and said "I know the woman in that photo but I don't know you" WOW!! And that pretty much is how I feel. I don't know this new kick ass me who's working out and has fitness goals BUT I LIKE HER!!!   

Next I try on the red shirt because I wasn't sure which color I liked
SOLD! love the red one. Even my smile was bigger. There was one last shirt I like so I tried that on too. Still a little tight but I took it. I like having GOAL CLOTHES it makes me work harder. 


Speaking of "goal clothes" this is the Quest For The Dress. I'm aiming for this to be my 'mid summer's night dream' goal dress :-) I would love to wear it when I go away mid July.

One last thing I tried on tonight.. which was really the first thing I tried on, when I went to Costco to pick up a photo card order I designed for Twiggy.

Eli who works in the photo center was busy helping a crazy lady so I waited for him to be finish and checked out the jewelry. I love love LOVE this ring, the shape of the stone, the color of the stone, which is for November which is a very special month to me and I like the diamonds around it and on the band.
The ring ALMOST fit my finger, so I asked what size it was...a SEVEN!  My Wedding band is a 9 1/2. I stopped wearing it when I started calling him The Roommate so I had no idea my rings wouldn't fit me either. I think the only ring I have in a 7 is my high school class ring.

I guess when I said the only thing that fits me is my shoes, I wasn't lying, and that's because Jenn and I just bought shoes 2 weeks ago.

I can't wait to work out tomorrow morning... OMG did I just type that?? I can't wait to WORK OUT???!!!! 

See you tomorrow after the Art Show.
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$

Day 42 -"motivated, determination, inspiration"

"motivated, determination, inspiration" from cousin Michele, Angel and Jenn. Denise added "I still need some of what you got!" I'm so surprised when someone says anything like that, I still don't see myself like that. It's about my health, it's about changing my life, it's about not dying and leaving these two little boys. It's about making sure we all lead a healthy lifestyle. If they don't learn it from me, who's going to teach them?

Every Friday I get excited and nervous about heading over to Dr. Ransom. He's always so nice and supportive about everything. Even when there is something coming up he will help me with ways to get through that event. I just always think any scale HATES ME...lol But it seems this super duper scale they have is in love with me. :-)

I like to do all the settings and the girls let me, so I put in my height, then female, put my age in, grab the handles and close my eyes and say to myself "Please please please let me have at least lost a pound" When I opened my eyes to see the number today, I COULDN'T EVEN DO THE MATH THAT FAST!  I kept saying "How much is that? how much?"  Until Jen said it's 4.5lbs!!!!! (can you see my smile?)

That is for two weeks not one. Dr Ransom was on vacation last week. Prior to this my personal best for two weeks was 4lbs which was on March 2, 2012 before I started my 90 day challenge and I didn't even blog about it. My personal best for one week is 3.5lbs on March 23, 2012. And only one week I didn't lose anything, I went up .5 of muscle and down .5 of fat, so I broke even which was on March 30, 2012.

I did a few errands after the doctor's, then waiting for Anthony to come home while talking to my cousin Michele. Anthony had a snack, I fed Alexander then Twiggy sent me a text asking if we could go for a walk. Out the door we went, Anthony running and me pushing Alex in the stroller.

The streets around here are all hill, so I knew it would be a work out just pushing Alex. And then I added a run from the turn around the block from one corner to the next up hill!! I thought I was going to die, my legs are still burning. We did this 4 times.  I am going to keep doing this until I can run some more.

I got home made dinner for the roommate and Anthony while they ran out to do an errand. Since it was quiet with just me and Alex I put in the 30 day shred and worked out.

Before and After




I am really surprising myself. I am so happy my ticker moved down and I'm really on my way to this next goal.
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Day 41 - Which DID am I?

I am totally beat, it was a crazy day. I started out laughing over my 3 lemon limit and by 5pm I was in tears, then by 10pm I was pissed off. I think I am still getting PMS, I will talk to my doctor.  I bet at tomorrow's weigh in I will have no lost anything! I have nothing else good to say because Sleepy Time DID (Damsel in Distress) has taken over.

I have 22 "DID disorders" given to me by my crazy lovable DDKers that I'm trying to hunt down on Facebook. Here are all my DID disorders: Plain-Old DID, New and Improved DID, Evil DID, Dizzy DID, Dragon DID, Designer DID, Las Vegas DID, Editor DID, Super DID, Hunk Hunting DID, Suess DID, Sleepy Time DID, Commando DID, Special Ops DID, Office DID, and Nervous Break Down DID.

So here is...oh man, which DID am I when I work out? I can't go over my 22 DID disorders either!!
anyway here is my before



And after sweating like a pig and drinking my water with my 3rd lemon!! Even if I swear to the Lemon Police I'm going to go over my 3 Lemon Limit I never do. The Lemon Police love me and it wouldn't be fun anymore.




Tomorrow is my weigh in at 1pm. I am going to be Nervous Break Down DID for sure if that scale hasn't moved!
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Day 40 - WOW

I'm on  day 40? really? I need to check out many days I've worked out during that 40.. hang on.....


35 out of the 40 days of my 90 day challenge I have worked out! GO ME!!!!
3 days off for being sick, 1 holiday off, 1 grieving day off

Even though I scream at that evil bitch Jillian Michaels on the 30 shred DVD when she says "those of you on day 5, 6 and 7 can feel a difference in your endurance" She's right. I am feeling it and seeing it.  Even the jumping jacks I had a hard time with when I started. I still can't keep up with her and sometimes stop during the 2nd cardio jumping jacks, but I'm keeping up with the first set in the warm up and the last set in the 3rd cardio part. I couldn't do that 40 days ago. But I still think she's EVIL!!

I get so mad when she stops her work out to go by the girls to show us what to do. There should be a video for people who don't know how to do her work out and then one with her doing it with us the whole time. I want to kick her little ass when she stops.


Before



I really pushed myself tonight - Sweating like a pig



Every night I'm trying a little more, first I worked on being able to do more jumping jacks. Now I'm working on getting into plank position to do push ups. HOLY SHIT THEY ARE KILLERS!!!!!!! They are worse than the surrenders I've been able to do 3. I continue to push myself and I look forward to the day I can do push ups without feeling like I'm going to die.

That's enough from me, I have to get back to doing a little scrapping for ADSR and maybe get to bed before 2am. See you tomorrow!!!
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Day 29 - more celebrating!

Just because I didn't blog today in a timely manner does not mean I didn't work out. I got up, had my cup of coffee, chilled for a little bit, then put my work out stuff on and my new sneakers and put that evil woman Jillian Michaels in the DVD player.




Before & After


As I was getting ready to get in the shower, I noticed a voice mail on my cell. When I finally check it there was a message from Jenn, she said very slowly "Jillian Michaels must die". I couldn't stop laughing. She bought the 30 day shred video that I've been doing. I felt just like that when I started last month. I sometimes still yell at the evil Ms. Michaels....especially when she says things like "you can't phone it in" WHO AM I PHONING YOU B!t(h? MY FAT @$$ IS DYING I CAN'T EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE!

Later in the afternoon I had to do a little food shopping and pick up wine for tonight's dinner at my Aunt's house. Something is starting to happen that is new for me, guys are looking at me and smiling!! I'm SHOCKED! I'm no where near my goal weight, I am still as big as a house, but yet in the last few weeks I have had different guys smile at me, talk to me and one came right out and I was so pretty he got excited! I was floored by that guy. Then again today, TWICE in the A&P two different guys gave me that look and then one leaving Buy Buy Baby.

I sent a text to Cheryl and a few other people because this new phenomenon is....umm...  overwhelming... too much for me...surprising...I think the right word is EXCITING, well after I get over the initial shock. Cheryl's theory is that I have confidence and that's some how drawing people to me. Plus I always have this GRIN on my face because someone keeps making me smile, so between this grin and confidence I'm getting lots of smiles and looks.



me today coming home from the A&P

At 6pm we went over to my Aunt & Uncle's to celebrate my birthday and my Uncle's birthday. My cousin Chris cooked up a FEAST!! There was so much yummy food, I totally went over my calories for the day.





I couldn't finish my food so Chris sent me home with a doggie bag. Everything was so good! I had such a good time. I love when I get together with my family.

Tomorrow.. well Today.. in a few hours, I'm cooking a ham, sweet potatoes, veggies and making a salad for Easter dinner. I will control myself much better than I did tonight. And no matter WHAT Monday morning I am 100% back on my diet plan.

See you tomorrow
Thanks for reading My Big Fat @$$