2018

In my head I'm hearing the theme from Doogie Howser as I write this. This blog has been my go to place for my quest to find myself and fix my life.
I can measure my success by how often I blogged. I always do better with everything when I come here and post my blah blah blah. Even if nobody is reading.

The start of a new year always brings me hope. I still have so much hanging over my head from last year.  But I can't control any of that, I can only control how I react to it. Stress Eating has caused me to gain 19 pounds. NO NO NO NO NO! I can't do this.

I didn't work out today, there is no place to work out at the moment, but the kids and I did 10 jumping jakes and a couple push ups. I drank water and stuck to my meal plan. I'm not sure if I am hungry or just bored.

My parents -
My mom is having knee surgery in 2 weeks. I'll be on call to help her with whatever she needs. Today we all helped her declutter.. no more like move her clutter from one room to another so she can get around when she has therapy at home.
My father isn't well and refuses to go to the hospital. There's not much I can do not living in the same state as him. I hope he goes but he's so grumpy and mad that he is alone. He yells all the time. I have to shake it off or it will consume me. The thougths of being worthless and no good according to him have made me eat myself into a rolly polly.


The kids start school tomorrow, I'm looking forward to the day alone. I am working on finishing up the yearbook for one of the schools and I promise to clean one thing a day. Today's "cleaning time" went to my mother.


Time for me to go, the Monkey's ass is out of control. Anthony didn't have his pill today and has been very difficult to handle. The boys need a shower and a book.

xoxox
Maria

I'm drowning

I'm not doing well taking care of myself or my family. I keep screwing up. The pressure of taking care of everything has had a negative impact on me.
It's hard to make decisions or I make the wrong ones. I have nobody to work it out with because their father has his own issues.
I am living through the worst year of my life, through no fault of my own. I am just trying to survive the fall out and I'm not making it.
I'm hurting so much, but I see we are reaching the end. By September 27 we should have answers to all the big issues. I just need to keep my head above the water so I don't drown