FAIL!

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I lost 1 pound this week. It's better than I did all month, but I know it's not my best. Yeah I'm mad. I'm so mad at myself right now.

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I really tried to focus on improving my life by working on how I could earn a living. Total FAILURE today!! My eyes hurt, my "itis" is acting up. Well it's really, lacrimation, cephalalgia and takotsubo cardiomyopathy... don't know what I'm saying, then google it!

I resigned from NDIS.com I'm just not even making time to create kits or anything. I've been thinking about it for a while but wanted to talk to out with someone... I just seem to talk to myself these days about anything that's on my mind. So I made the decision to step down because I seem to drag my feet with everything, one less thing to drag my feet on the better.

I spent the rest of the day working on pricing for my photo cards, asking my friends if I could use the cards I've made for them in advertising. Then I spent time working on my Facebook page, trying to add a new tab with a special offer.

After hours of reading and trying it hit me, I have no place to sell my cards! Total fucken failure!! 

So I zipped the one mat I won Honorable Mention with Pastimes and sent it over to Inked Playmats to be put on their site.

And here I sit at 11:15pm pissed off that I focused on "work" got nothing done. Didn't work out, stuffed my face with almonds...yeah I know it could be worse.

I'm going to work out tomorrow first thing. Then I'll work on this "show the world you have a pair of balls" thing I'm suppose to be doing and try to tell myself I'm not the loser I believe I really am. 

my scale is a time machine!

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This morning my scale displayed a number I haven't seen since my senior year in high school! wwooo hooo it's like I'm back in time.

And just like my senior year I was reminded today by someone just how much of a failure I am. I can hear the words of my old man "you'll never be more than a donut maker"

So as I struggle to clean up the house in time for Alexander's therapy appointment, do a balancing act with trying to teach Anthony daddy's collectables are not toys, figure out what I'm going to feed everyone for dinner and hope there's time left over for me to get a work out in, I have to fight off the feelings of the loser that I am and how I disappoint everyone including myself.